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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


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Nymtoc
03-23-2011, 08:54 AM
Granted. You have a PhD (a Phony Doctorate) in Meaningless Drivel.

I wish I could communicate by mental telepathy.

PorterStarrByrd
03-23-2011, 07:46 PM
Granted. You have a PhD (a Phony Doctorate) in Meaningless Drivel.

I wish I could communicate by mental telepathy.

Granted ... if you have been good this month (even for an hour)

I have just sent you the location of $1,000,000,000 which is yours if you pick it up there by 5:00 EDT today.

Nymtoc
03-23-2011, 08:26 PM
Since you expressed no wish, no wish will be granted. Do not approach the genie again!

I wish I could invent a cure for the common cold.

PorterStarrByrd
03-23-2011, 09:04 PM
Since you expressed no wish, no wish will be granted. Do not approach the genie again!

I wish I could invent a cure for the common cold.

HAH !!! Fell into my trap !! I sent my wish telepathically

Anyway .. Your wish is granted

In alaska they have a cure for the common cold. Depending upon how cold it is you snuggle up with one or more of your husky buddies (A 3 dog night is getting a might chilly)
Where you are Huskies are harrder to find.

You have been sent enough mice to cuddle with to stay warm no matter how low the thermometer says the common cold is.


I wish pom poms did sound so loud when you move them the next moriing

kellysaid
03-24-2011, 01:37 AM
I wish pom poms did sound so loud when you move them the next moriing

Um, Granted. And this genie also grants you a pair of pants, to wear under your cheerleading skirt.

I wish I was immune to papercuts.

Drachen Jager
03-24-2011, 01:50 AM
Granted. You are now a marble statue, completely impervious to nearly all forms of cut. Unfortunately you are not immune to pigeon poop.

I wish I was as strong as an elephant.

Nymtoc
03-24-2011, 01:58 AM
Granted. You are so strong that you rampage through AW, killing all the members, and find yourself alone in this forum.

I wish I could float through the air instead of having to walk.

Drachen Jager
03-24-2011, 02:43 AM
Granted. If I were you I would hang on tightly should you venture outside in anything stronger than a slight breeze.

I wish I had a flying car.

iLion
03-24-2011, 04:25 AM
Kazaaaaammmmmm....!!!! Holy cow DJ! You got yourself a real genuine flying car there! Look at it go... I think it really likes flying, huh? Doesn't look like you're ever gonna see that thing come back, though.

I wish.. hmmm... I wish we could all just get along.

CDSinex
03-24-2011, 09:07 AM
Granted: The Genie wonders aloud, "a long what?" Oh well. We all now have long tapeworms in our digestive tracts.

I wish I didn't have so much to do tomorrow.

Nymtoc
03-24-2011, 09:38 AM
Granted. As you start for work in the morning, you are hit by a taxi and taken to the hospital, where you spend the day in bed and have nothing to do at all.

(You're lucky you caught the genie in a good mood. Your injuries will be minor.)

I wish I could take a genius pill.

PorterStarrByrd
03-24-2011, 03:54 PM
Granted. As you start for work in the morning, you are hit by a taxi and taken to the hospital, where you spend the day in bed and have nothing to do at all.

(You're lucky you caught the genie in a good mood. Your injuries will be minor.)

I wish I could take a genius pill.

Granted You CAN take a genius oill if you can find one. You probably should have taken one before you phrased your wish.


I wish all rocks were perfect cubes and light enough to lift with just a little effort so that I could build my summer igloo

Drachen Jager
03-24-2011, 08:58 PM
Granted. You quickly realize why the Inuit don't use perfectly cube shaped blocks when your igloo collapses for the tenth time. Next time wish for lego shaped rocks.

I wish I had a delicious hot, steaming mug of coffee in front of me right now.

Nymtoc
03-24-2011, 09:14 PM
Granted. You have a delicious hot, steaming mug of coffee in front of you right now. It is within your arm's reach, but between you and the coffee is a cobra, poised to strike.

I wish I could take a write-a-novel pill, which would do all the creative work for me.

CDSinex
03-25-2011, 12:25 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you the pill, and, as promised, it does all of the creative work for you. Sadly, the publishers only want to hire you to be the uncredited ghost writer for some really, really famous people.

I wish someone would come and clean out my garage.

Drachen Jager
03-25-2011, 02:16 AM
Granted. All the stuff that was in your garage is now in your living room.

I wish Nymtoc would get a haircut. Those orange bits that stick out at the sides are getting on my nerves.

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 04:17 AM
Granted. Nymtoc will get a haircut as soon as Drachen Jager stops looking like a creature from 100 million years ago.

I wish people would recognize my superiority so that I don't have to keep explaining it to them.

Drachen Jager
03-25-2011, 05:47 AM
Granted. People now recognize that you are superior to most invertebrates. Intellectually, if not in other ways at any rate.

I wish to have the same superpowers as Aquaman.

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 08:35 AM
Granted. You have the same superpowers as Aquaman, but I hope you haven't forgotten a small detail about his powers. Aquaman must come into contact with water at least once an hour or die. You are now in the middle of the Sahara Desert, with the nearest oasis 700 miles away. Good luck!

I wish the genie would surprise me with a special gift, designed just for me.

PorterStarrByrd
03-25-2011, 04:57 PM
Granted. You have the same superpowers as Aquaman, but I hope you haven't forgotten a small detail about his powers. Aquaman must come into contact with water at least once an hour or die. You are now in the middle of the Sahara Desert, with the nearest oasis 700 miles away. Good luck!

I wish the genie would surprise me with a special gift, designed just for me.

http://col.stb.s-msn.com/i/9B/8425D89771FB22332181DC79C8BE8.jpg

Granted x4
Decide which one you 'like' best

I wish I looked good in a tuxedo

Drachen Jager
03-25-2011, 07:58 PM
Granted. You've been turned into a colourful handkerchief.

I wish I had an IQ of 250.

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 08:14 PM
Granted. And just to be nice, the genie has added the minus sign that you forgot to put in front of "250."

I wish I didn't have to pay my income tax.

Drachen Jager
03-25-2011, 08:51 PM
Granted. You don't have to pay income tax ever again. If the IRS comes looking for you just tell them a genie told you, you don't have to pay.

I wish real estate in Vancouver would crash already so I could buy a house.

iLion
03-25-2011, 08:57 PM
I wish DJ would learn to focus.

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 09:06 PM
Granted. But his sauropodomorphic instincts are kicking in, and he's focusing on dining on a big furry mammal.

I wish I never had to worry about anything.

Drachen Jager
03-25-2011, 09:12 PM
Granted. Bad stuff still happens to you all the time. But you don't have to worry about it (unless you actually want to prevent some of it from happening of course).

I wish I had an eidetic memory.

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 11:58 PM
Granted. You have an eidetic memory, but only for Three Stooges movies. You play them in your head over and over and over and over and over again, and you can't remember anything else.

I wish watching Jeopardy didn't make me feel so stupid.

alleycat
03-26-2011, 12:05 AM
Granted. From now on, you're to watch Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader and feel really stupid.


I wish my house wasn't so cluttered with books and magazines.

kellysaid
03-26-2011, 06:04 AM
I wish my house wasn't so cluttered with books and magazines.

Granted. Now your house is only cluttered with those annoying little inserts from your magazines, the ones that fall out like postcard sized confetti... oh, and you'll be ankle deep in the receipts and whatever other random papers you use for bookmarks.

I wish there was an early morning delivery service for diet coke, like there is for milk.

iLion
03-26-2011, 06:20 AM
There is actually, so I took the liberty of signing youup for a year's subscription. Your first diet Coke delivery is at 1:30am, just like all the other daily deliveries you'll be getting. Sweet, huh?

I wish the mail delivery lady would stop leaving me cutesy little notes in the mail box!

Nymtoc
03-26-2011, 06:55 AM
Granted. Now her little notes have taken on a threatening tone. Moreover, wherever you go you see her somewhere behind you or, or just around the corner, or glancing at you behind dark glasses from a passing car. Your phone rings in the middle of the night, and you hear heavy breathing. You are being stalked. :eek:

I wish I had my own news channel.

hamdiAbdalla
03-26-2011, 07:52 AM
I wish I could fly around the world

Nymtoc
03-26-2011, 08:54 AM
:welcome: hamdiAbdalla!

This appears to be your first post on AW. Welcome to the craziness and the fun! We hope to see more of your contributions! :)

A word about this thread: We're playing "genie," so you're supposed to grant the wish of the previous poster. In this case, I was the previous poster and I wished for my own news channel. So as the "genie," you could have said something like "Granted. You have your own news channel, but you're the only person who ever watches it."

Okay? Now, you wished to fly around the world. As the genie, I'll grant your wish, and I'll try to be as annoying as possible:

Granted. You can fly around the world, but only if you can find a flying horse who's willing to carry you. :D

I wish I could cover a kilometer with one step.

Drachen Jager
03-26-2011, 08:57 AM
Granted. Unfortunately your legs are no longer. There may be some tearing involved in sensitive areas.

I wish I'd written a synopsis before I started to query.

Nymtoc
03-26-2011, 07:40 PM
Granted. You did write a synopsis before you started to query, but your synopsis is longer than your manuscript.

I wish I could be the first human on Mars.

Drachen Jager
03-26-2011, 08:50 PM
Granted. A spacecraft with oxygen, water, food and such will be with you shortly. Say... five or ten years or so.

I wish I had x-ray glasses that really work.

PorterStarrByrd
03-26-2011, 08:58 PM
Granted. A spacecraft with oxygen, water, food and such will be with you shortly. Say... five or ten years or so.

I wish I had x-ray glasses that really work.


Granted

You have those and a job at the senior citizens center that requires you to be there 24/7

I wish the ice was off the lake so I can go fishing

Drachen Jager
03-26-2011, 09:24 PM
Granted. All the ice that was on the lake has broken up due to massive flooding. You don't even have to walk to the lake to enjoy some fishing, you can lean out your second floor window to drop a hook in. They really weren't kidding when they said they expected record flooding in Manitoba this year!

I wish I could keep the x-ray specs but had a job judging bikini competitions.

alleycat
03-26-2011, 09:31 PM
Granted. First up, Miss New Jersey:

http://www.omgsoysauce.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/funny-dog-bikini.jpg

I wish I could get a sinus replacement.

PorterStarrByrd
03-26-2011, 09:36 PM
Granted. First up, Miss New Jersey:

http://www.omgsoysauce.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/funny-dog-bikini.jpg

I wish I could get a sinus replacement.

GRANTED !!
After that picture you can have anything you want. You sinus is waiting for you in Havana, Cuba.

I wish I kew where there were more pictures like that one.

alleycat
03-26-2011, 10:30 PM
Granted.

http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/fashion/stylephile/dog.jpg


I wish tomatoes grew on trees.

Drachen Jager
03-26-2011, 11:10 PM
Granted. Tomatoes grow on all the highest trees around your house. They are very difficult to pick, but have a tendency to fall on their own whenever you rush out of the house late for work. Especially when you're wearing white.

I wish I had a monster truck.

alleycat
03-26-2011, 11:18 PM
Granted.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/124/317477168_340345d05a.jpg

Ain't that a monster?


I wish I had a freshly baked peach pie.

Nymtoc
03-27-2011, 04:26 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the peaches were heavily sprayed with DDT. I wouldn't eat it, if I were you.

I wish I could discover an unknown play by Shakespeare.

Drachen Jager
03-27-2011, 07:52 AM
Granted. It's a quarterback rush. The linesmen push forward while the QB fakes to the wide receiver. Then he hides the ball under his shirt and makes for the end zone. Kind of a dumb strategy actually, but Shakespeare never was very good at American Football.

I wish I could talk to famous dead people whenever I wanted.

Nymtoc
03-27-2011, 08:42 AM
Granted. You know that hole in the ground out in the south meadow? Well, you go down it, and this dude called Charon will take you across a river to where the famous dead people are, and you can talk to them all you want. Once you're there, of course, you can't come back. Watch out for the three-headed dog.

I wish a beautiful woman would turn up at my door.

alleycat
03-27-2011, 02:57 PM
Granted. Say hello to Farah Fawcett (don't worry if she doesn't reply; it's not you).


I wish I had one of those Star Trek food makers, where you just said "Steak dinner, please" and out would pop a t-bone and a baked potato.

PorterStarrByrd
03-27-2011, 04:51 PM
Granted. Say hello to Farah Fawcett (don't worry if she doesn't reply; it's not you).


I wish I had one of those Star Trek food makers, where you just said "Steak dinner, please" and out would pop a t-bone and a baked potato.


Granted
You can't be quite sure what kind of animal it came from or even what planet. Have you ever eaten an irradiated potato before? They come with everything in them.

I wish there were fourteen eggs in a dozen but the price was still what it is now. Robin eggs would be good, I'm on a diet.

Drachen Jager
03-28-2011, 12:44 AM
Granted. There are fourteen eggs in a dozen-sized cartons now. The extra bonus; there is only room for a dozen so they arrive in your refrigerator pre-cracked.

I wish for a six figure advance on my next novel.

PorterStarrByrd
03-28-2011, 02:06 AM
Granted

What was your book about? There are six Arabs 'working' on your car. They are only the advance team.

I wish there was more bacon

CDSinex
03-28-2011, 05:23 AM
Granted: From now on everything you touch turns to bacon. STOP! DON'T SCRATCH YOUR HEA ...

I wish tomorrow was another Sunday.

Drachen Jager
03-28-2011, 10:11 AM
Granted. Your alarm clock goes off, it's Sunday again. The same Sunday you just left. In fact every day is Suday... Hey, someone should make a movie like that!

I wish my kids would let me sleep in on the weekends.

PorterStarrByrd
03-28-2011, 05:37 PM
Granted

They'll let you sleep in the closest motel ... ALONE

I wish the bluejays would be friendlier to the squirrels

Nymtoc
03-28-2011, 07:43 PM
Granted. The bluejays are giving a party and having the squirrels for dinner.

I wish I could visit the North Pole and find out what Santa and his elves do during the off-season.

Drachen Jager
03-28-2011, 08:41 PM
Granted. You are wearing only underwear. I've dropped you off about 20km from his workshop because the view on the trail down is spectacular.

I wish the old 'BS your way through' thread were still alive.

CDSinex
03-29-2011, 06:28 AM
Granted: Look for it on page one.

I wish I had something to wish for.

Drachen Jager
03-29-2011, 07:58 AM
Granted. You are framed for a crime you did not commit and sentenced to death. Also, and I'm afraid this might come at rather a bad time... you're out of wishes.

I wish my hard drive wasn't a Fukishima.

Nymtoc
03-29-2011, 08:39 AM
Granted. It used to be, but now it's all fukishima'd up.

I wish my Kindle didn't malfunction.

Drachen Jager
03-29-2011, 09:04 AM
Granted. Your kindle now Fukishimas.

I wish all my hardware would stop Fukashimaing up.


[my drive is already Fukishimaed]

PorterStarrByrd
03-29-2011, 04:27 PM
Granted. Your kindle now Fukishimas.

I wish all my hardware would stop Fukashimaing up.


[my drive is already Fukishimaed]


Granted


The rest of it just Hitachi'd

I wish Watermelon rinds were transparent

Nymtoc
03-29-2011, 08:18 PM
Granted. And since you can't see them, you eat them, and they make you sick.

I wish politicians would tell the truth at all times.

iLion
03-29-2011, 09:11 PM
omg...!! You really want to test the genie, huh? Okay... you asked for it! I'm not responsible for the results, Nym.

BAM!!! Granted!
And now politicians only tell the truth, but the truth is SO ugly and mean and self-serving that no one can bring themselves to vote for any of them.. gov't grinds to a halt, anarchy ensues and we have total collapse. Our system depended greatly on their continued lies so that we are deceived enough to show up at the polls.

I wish people would complain less.

Drachen Jager
03-29-2011, 11:12 PM
Granted. They all channel the energy they used to use in complaining into passive aggressiveness. Your car is being keyed right this minute because you parked too close to the line.

I wish iLion would get a hair cut.

alleycat
03-29-2011, 11:16 PM
Granted. How's this?

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/lion_cut.jpg


I wish I had something interesting to wish for.

PorterStarrByrd
03-30-2011, 01:12 AM
Granted. How's this?

http://www.guy-sports.com/fun_pictures/lion_cut.jpg


I wish I had something interesting to wish for.


Granted
You now stare at your navel for hours and hours and hours

I wish the Sahara would bloom again

Drachen Jager
03-30-2011, 01:56 AM
Granted.

http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/nuclear-mushroom-cloud-5.jpg

Isn't it beautiful?


I wish I knew everything.

alleycat
03-30-2011, 02:01 AM
Granted, but your head will look like this:

http://www.starships.com/Photos/EdsBigHead.jpg


I wish I could speak and understand cat (besides meow).

Drachen Jager
03-30-2011, 02:25 AM
Granted. Now you hear what cats have been saying all along. They just repeat the phrase, "I can haz cheezburger?"

I wish for the best birthday present ever!

iLion
03-30-2011, 04:01 AM
Granted. I didn't want to impose my own ideas on you, so I stopped someone randomly on the street. it turned out to be a sweet little old lady who just wanted to be called 'Granny'. She said the best birthday present ever would definitely be a new thimble to complete her nice collection at home. So I created two... one for you both. :) Happy B'day DJ!!

I wish I had more discipline with food.

Drachen Jager
03-30-2011, 04:17 AM
[it's not actually my birthday]

Granted. You have been assigned the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. He will scream in your ear whenever you eat, smell, or even think about food (yes that includes dreams in the middle of the night).

I wish it actually was my birthday today.

PorterStarrByrd
03-30-2011, 05:14 AM
[it's not actually my birthday]

Granted. You have been assigned the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. He will scream in your ear whenever you eat, smell, or even think about food (yes that includes dreams in the middle of the night).

I wish it actually was my birthday today.


NO !!!

Selfish Brat .. wait your damned turn !!!!

I wish I was more diplomatic

Nymtoc
03-30-2011, 06:24 AM
Granted. Now you say, "Do you mind if I hit you in the face, sir?" before you hit a guy in the face.

I wish I could script my dreams, so they come out the way I want them to.

Lord of Chaos
03-30-2011, 07:03 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you now suffer from insomnia.

I wish my job would pay me to stay at home and write

CDSinex
03-30-2011, 11:11 AM
Granted: You now stay home and write cover letters to the hundreds of resumes you send out daily. Unemployment insurance pays half of what you earned before you were fired.

I wish fresh picked, local peaches were available year round.

PorterStarrByrd
03-30-2011, 08:10 PM
Granted: You now stay home and write cover letters to the hundreds of resumes you send out daily. Unemployment insurance pays half of what you earned before you were fired.

I wish fresh picked, local peaches were available year round.


Granted
You are now a migrant fruit picker

I wish I could tell the difference between Ostriches and Emu's

Nymtoc
03-30-2011, 08:33 PM
Granted. The female emu is somewhat larger than the male, so if you plan to mate with one you should have no trouble telling the difference. The male and female ostrich, on the other hand, look almost alike, so be very careful!

I wish Donald Trump would get a sensible haircut.

CDSinex
03-31-2011, 02:47 AM
Granted: The Genie has burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Just yesterday, it seems, Donald Trump wished that Nymtoc would get a sensible haircut.

I wish the Genie would stop laughing long enough for me to make a wish.

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 03:27 AM
Granted. The genie stopped laughing a half hour ago, and you still haven't made a wish. No wishy, no granty.

I wish I didn't have to revise so much.

CDSinex
03-31-2011, 04:06 AM
Granted: Your editors no longer suggest revision, they put your unopened submissions directly into a paper shredder.

I wish I could get my other wish back.

Drachen Jager
03-31-2011, 05:38 AM
Granted. You have your other wish back. But... you do realize that this wish is gone right?

I wish I were king.

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 08:04 AM
Granted. I hope you don't mind being called Larry.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/KING%20LARRY%203%20300X397.JPG


I wish I could make a wish that comes out good no matter what the genie does.

alleycat
03-31-2011, 08:06 AM
Granted. Here you go. Enjoy it while it lasts.


I wish my cat would let me get another cat or a dog.

CDSinex
03-31-2011, 08:40 PM
Granted: Due to the Genies intercession, your cat allows you to bring another cat, of the opposite gender, in to the house. Your cat now feels that, with the added need for privacy, you should find "your own" place. You are still required to stop by twice daily to provide food and fresh water, as well as to clean the litter box.

I wish I could see into the future.

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 08:53 PM
Granted. But what you see is so shocking that you go into a catatonic state. You now live at the Happy Meadows Rest Home, where AW members may visit you each Thursday between 11:15 and 11:30 a.m., just before your noon feeding.

I wish we had bluebirds in the city instead of all those damned pigeons.

iLion
03-31-2011, 09:05 PM
You got it, Nym! Although, I admit I don't really get this one.)

The damned pigeon sisters have left, and your city is now jammed with Bluebird school buses; so many, in fact, that no one is going to be driving anywhere for a very long while.


I wish I could run 80 mph.

Drachen Jager
03-31-2011, 09:44 PM
Granted. Genie had a little trouble with this one. 'run' has so many different meanings, so I chose, "to cause to move easily, freely, or smoothly" and 'mph' is Master of Philosophy of course. I have provided you with a big bucket of grease and a whole gaggle of pipe-smoking pseudo-intellectuals for you. Grease 'em up!

I wish I could just insert a jack in the back of my head and connect directly to the internet.

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 10:07 PM
Granted. Here's the jack, and here's the guy who will insert it in your head.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/CAR%20JACK%201.jpg

I wish I knew what was inside a black hole.

Drachen Jager
03-31-2011, 11:03 PM
Why so racist Nymtoc? It could be any colour of hole, but noooo, you've got to know what's in a black one. What about white holes Nymtoc? They have secrets too. Deep, dark, scary secrets.

Were tissues named after the noise you make when you sneeze? "A-tishooo"

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 11:41 PM
I wish Drachen Jager would make a wish.

Drachen Jager
04-01-2011, 12:36 AM
Granted. I wish I would stop mixing up threads.

Nymtoc
04-01-2011, 12:59 AM
Granted. But first you have to go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass Go, and do not collect $200.

I wish I knew the meaning of it all.

Drachen Jager
04-01-2011, 01:22 AM
Granted.


It
–pronoun 1. (used to represent an inanimate thing understood, previously mentioned, about to be mentioned, or present in the (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/the) immediate context): It has whitewall tires and red (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/red) upholstery. you (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/you) can't tell a book by its cover.

2. (used to represent a person or animal understood, previously mentioned, or about to be mentioned whose gender is unknown or disregarded): It was the largest ever caught off the Florida coast. who (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/who) was it? It was John. The horse (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/horse) had its saddle on.

3. (used to represent a group understood or previously mentioned): The judge told the jury it must decide two issues.

4. (used to represent a concept or abstract (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/abstract) idea understood or previously stated): It all started with Adam and Eve. He has been taught to believe it all his life.

5. (used to represent an action or activity understood, previously mentioned, or about to be mentioned): Since you don't like it, you don't have to go skiing.

6. (used as the impersonal subject of the verb to be, especially to refer to time (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/time), distance, or the weather): It is six (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/six) o'clock. It is five miles to town. It was foggy.

7. (used in statements expressing an action, condition, fact, circumstance, or situation without reference to an agent): If it weren't for Edna, I wouldn't go.

8. (used in referring to something as the origin or cause of pain, pleasure, etc.): Where does it hurt? It looks bad for the candidate.

9. (used in referring to a source not specifically named or described): It is said that love (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love) is blind.

10. (used in referring to the general state of affairs; circumstances, fate, or life in general): How's it going with you?

11. (used as an anticipatory subject or object to make a sentence more eloquent or suspenseful or to shift emphasis): It is necessary that you do your duty. It was a gun that he was carrying.

12. Informal . (used instead of the pronoun (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pronoun) its before a gerund): It having rained for only one hour didn't help the crops.


–noun 13. (in children's games) the player called upon to perform some task, as, in tag, the one who must catch the other players.

14. Slang . a. sex appeal.

b. sexual intercourse.




—Idioms 15. get with it, Slang . to become active or interested: He was warned to get with it or resign.

16. have it, Informal . a. to love someone: She really has it bad for him.

b. to possess the requisite abilities for something; be talented, adept, or proficient: In this business (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/business) youeither have it or you don't.



17. with it, Slang . a. aware of the latest fads, fashions, etc.; up-to-date.

b. attentive or alert: I'm just not with it early in the morning.

c. understanding or appreciative of something, as jazz.

d. Carnival Slang . being a member of the carnival.





All
–adjective 1. the whole of (used in referring to quantity, extent, or duration): all the (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/the) cake; all the way; all year.

2. the whole number (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/whole+number) of (used in referring to individuals or particulars, taken collectively): all students.

3. the greatest possible (used in referring to quality or degree): with all due respect; with all speed.

4. every: all kinds; all sorts.

5. any; any whatever: beyond all doubt.

6. nothing but; only: The coat is all wool.

7. dominated by or as if by the conspicuous (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conspicuous) possession or use of a particular feature: The colt was all legs. They were all ears, listening attentively to everything she said.

8. Chiefly Pennsylvania German . all gone; consumed; finished: The pie is all.


–pronoun 9. the whole quantity or amount: He ate all of the peanuts. All are gone.

10. the whole number; every one: all of us.

11. everything: Is that all you (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/you) want to say? All is lost (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lost).


–noun 12. one's whole interest, energy (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/energy), or property: to give one's all; to lose (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lose) one's all.

13. ( often initial capital letter http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.png) the entire universe.


–adverb 14. wholly; entirely; completely: all alone.

15. only; exclusively: He spent his income all on pleasure.

16. each; apiece: The score was one all.

17. Archaic . even; just.


—Idioms 18. above all, before everything else; chiefly: Above all, the little girl (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/girl) wanted a piano.

19. after all, in spite of the circumstances; notwithstanding: He came in time (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/time) after all.

20. all at once. once (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/once) ( def. 14 ) .

21. all but, almost; very nearly: These batteries are all but dead.

22. all in, Northern and Western U.S. very tired; exhausted: We were all in at the end of the day.

23. all in all, a. everything considered; in general: All in all, her health (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/health) is greatly improved.

b. altogether: There were twelve absentees all in all.

c. everything; everything regarded as important: Painting became his all in all.



24. all in hand, Printing, Journalism . (of the copy for typesetting a particular article, book, issue, etc.) in the possession of the compositor.

25. all in the wind, Nautical . too close to the wind.

26. all out, with all available means or effort: We went all out to win the war.

27. all over, a. finished; done; ended.

b. everywhere; in every part.

c. in every respect; typically.



28. all standing, Nautical . a. in such a way and so suddenly that sails or engines are still set to propel a vessel forward: The ship ran aground all standing.

b. fully clothed: The crew turned in all standing.

c. fully equipped, as a vessel.



29. all that, remarkably; entirely; decidedly (used in negative constructions): It's not all that different from your other house (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/house).

30. all the better, more advantageous; so much the better: If the sun (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sun) shines it will be all the better for our trip.

31. all there, Informal . mentally competent; not insane or feeble-minded: Some of his farfetched ideas made us suspect that he wasn't all there.

32. all the same. same (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/same) ( def. 9 ) .

33. all told. told (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/told) ( def. 2 ) .

34. all up, a. Printing, Journalism . (of copy) completely set in type.

b. Informal . with no vestige of hope remaining: It's all up with George—they've caught him.



35. and all, together with every other associated or connected attribute, object, or circumstance: What with the snow and all, we may be a little late.

36. at all, a. in the slightest degree: I wasn't surprised at all.

b. for any reason: Why bother at all?

c. in any way: no offense at all.



37. for all (that), in spite of; notwithstanding: For all that, it was a good year.

38. in all, all included; all together: a hundred guests in all.

39. once and for all, for the last time; finally: The case was settled once and for all when the appeal was denied.






I wish people would make more interesting wishes.

Nymtoc
04-01-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. From now on, all wishes will deal with interesting things like cookie crumbs, things to do with used tissues, and the precise distance (in both miles and km) between Vancouver and Bilby, Alberta.

I wish Drachen Jager could learn to be more concise.

Drachen Jager
04-01-2011, 02:53 AM
Grntd.

I wish 1 was 2.

CDSinex
04-01-2011, 05:20 AM
Granted: There are now two of you, and the Genie compels you both to live together. You will soon learn how argumentative the two of you can be.

I wish my house would clean itself.

Nymtoc
04-01-2011, 07:25 AM
Granted. At 3 o'clock each morning, your house drenches itself with Clorox. The stench and the fumes cause you to leap out of bed and run outside, where you are forced to stand shivering till the sun comes up.

I wish I had an infallible Ouija board.

Drachen Jager
04-01-2011, 09:15 AM
Granted. It is infallible and tells the complete truth about the future. Unfortunately, so many things happen in the future, that, by the time it gets done covering what will happen during the next second several weeks have passed.

I wish CDSinex could tell the difference between letters and numbers.

CDSinex
04-02-2011, 03:11 AM
Granted: He now can, but the Genie agrees with him that 2 of you, or two of you are two (2) too many.

I people would be nicer to each other on this thread starting now.

strictlytopsecret
04-02-2011, 03:19 AM
Granted, but the sickly sweetness could become an internet-wide plague.

I wish I had unfettered access to a brilliant, trustworthy, reasonable neurologist.

PorterStarrByrd
04-02-2011, 04:05 AM
Granted
He lives on a mountain peak in tibet with a guru who is also at your service

I wish fish grew like cotton.

Drachen Jager
04-02-2011, 07:40 AM
Granted. They also taste like cotton.

I wish I had a beard like Porter's

Nymtoc
04-02-2011, 08:40 AM
You don't need a genie for that one. Just let it grow.

I wish I had a submarine.

Drachen Jager
04-02-2011, 10:15 AM
Granted. It has been placed in your front yard. The neighbours are already annoyed that you are blocking their driveway and threatening legal action.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Gq8Ke2chpgI/Si2T-1vFoeI/AAAAAAAADFE/8JAwcAWRq00/s400/IMG_6486.JPG

I wish I had a fighter jet.

Nymtoc
04-02-2011, 03:05 PM
Granted.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/PLANE%20FIGHTER%20JET%20CRASHED%202%20300X219.JPG

It may take a little work.

I wish I had a magic food pill that could turn into any kind of food I want.

PorterStarrByrd
04-02-2011, 10:54 PM
Granted
With your current ravenous appetite it will taste like garbage goulash though

I wish my car went as fast in reverse as it does in drive

Drachen Jager
04-02-2011, 11:10 PM
Granted. I have taken the liberty of removing the engine and the floorboards. You now have the Fred Flintstone model.

I wish they would make better TV shows.

PorterStarrByrd
04-02-2011, 11:34 PM
Granted. I have taken the liberty of removing the engine and the floorboards. You now have the Fred Flintstone model.

I wish they would make better TV shows.


Granted, with difficulty.
Your were not particulalry specific about who 'they' are

I found three teenagers too bored to do anything else who assured me they could make better TV shows. They are on it now.

I wish Artichokes didn't grow in California human manure.

Drachen Jager
04-02-2011, 11:40 PM
Granted. Now they grow in Mexican human manure. (they still grow in California)

I wish I had a time machine.

Nymtoc
04-03-2011, 12:36 AM
Granted.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/HOURGLASS%201.jpg

I wish I could finish my damned manuscript.

Drachen Jager
04-03-2011, 01:09 AM
Granted. You are aware of the saying, "A manuscript is only ever truly finished when the author is dead," right?

I wish I had a machine that would analyse my queries and tell me before I send a query out whether it will be successful or not.

Nymtoc
04-03-2011, 01:45 AM
Granted. The genie feels generous, so he is sending you his own query-analysis machine. It has been used a great deal but still has many good years of use left in it. Of course, it gives only one response: "No."

I wish agents didn't act as if they were hiring writers, when actually it's the other way around.

CDSinex
04-03-2011, 07:54 AM
Granted: Your agent now acts as if he/she were firing you, instead of the other way around.

I wish people wouldn't talk about how well their investments are doing.

Drachen Jager
04-03-2011, 08:07 AM
Granted. Now they just gloat over how much money they have.

I wish real estate would settle down to a reasonable price level around here already.

PorterStarrByrd
04-03-2011, 08:02 PM
Granted. Now they just gloat over how much money they have.

I wish real estate would settle down to a reasonable price level around here already.


Granted they just doubled for buyers and halved for sellers, with agents absorbibng the difference. This is keeping in line what it reasonable in California. This should not change for some time.


I wish maple syrup weren't so damned good.

JohnL
04-03-2011, 08:27 PM
Granted! Maple syrup now tastes like scorched undergarments.

I wish I worked 1 day a week at the same pay

Drachen Jager
04-03-2011, 09:05 PM
Granted. I couldn't figure out how to explain it to your boss so I've just taken the liberty of shortening the time period you humans refer to as a 'week'. It is now 8 hours long instead of 7 days. (note you are still paid by the month)

I wish I could get a full time salary to sit at home and work on my own writing.

PorterStarrByrd
04-05-2011, 02:35 AM
Granted. I couldn't figure out how to explain it to your boss so I've just taken the liberty of shortening the time period you humans refer to as a 'week'. It is now 8 hours long instead of 7 days. (note you are still paid by the month)

I wish I could get a full time salary to sit at home and work on my own writing.


Granted. The (file://\\The) genie randomly opened the "Full Time Salary World Wide Guide". The page that fell into view was Borneo. I'm not sure you are going to like that but, Hey, you asked for it

I wish the deer would come a little closer to the freezer when I am hunting them.

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 02:46 AM
Granted. They come so close to the freezer that you topple in, the lid shuts, and you get a long hibernation.

I wish people wouldn't treat me like an idiot.

Drachen Jager
04-05-2011, 02:51 AM
Granted. They now treat you like an imbecile.

I wish I would stop getting phone calls from telemarketers.

PorterStarrByrd
04-05-2011, 03:05 AM
Granted

Most people don't repond to calls anyway. There is a knock at your door as you sit down to eat supper ...


I wish I knew what was in haggis.

iLion
04-05-2011, 04:44 AM
You mean other than


1 sheep stomach
1 sheep liver
1 sheep heart
1 sheep tongue?

Okay... usually oats and a little salt. Bon apetit, Barfy!


I wish I had a pet beaver.

CDSinex
04-05-2011, 06:35 AM
Granted: The Genie smirks, and says to himself, "Don't go there." Anyway you now have a pet beaver, and a wonderful pet it is. Except for one thing, which you'll discover when when you get home from work. You know that family heirloom walnut dining room furniture your great-grandfather hand built from trees he cut down himself? It is now a pile of sawdust. The Genie suggests that for your next wish you ask for one of those '50s style Formica dinning sets with stainless steel legs.

I wish I had more time to waste.

Drachen Jager
04-05-2011, 07:57 AM
Granted. Twenty to life in solitary confinement suit you?

I wish everything worked the way it was supposed to.

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 08:28 AM
Granted. You visit the old Horror Museum and, just for laughs, stick you head in the guillotine. It works.

I wish I really had a muse.

Drachen Jager
04-05-2011, 09:11 AM
Granted. Your muse is an emu in Argentina. You are aware that you have to start a torrid love-affair with your muse for it to help your product right?

I wish I had a twelve inch pianist.

alleycat
04-05-2011, 09:17 AM
Granted. What would you like to hear first?

http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/share/12/123/314/1231493_370.jpg

I wish I had a cat that cleaned the house.

Drachen Jager
04-05-2011, 10:16 AM
Granted. It's tongue strips paint off the walls and rips holes in your carpet. Soon all the household toxins kill the poor thing. You cruel, cruel bastard.

I wish I had a big house in a nice part of town.

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 10:28 AM
Granted. You have a big house in a nice part of town that is being razed to make way for a new stadium. Demolition starts tomorrow. Of course, you will be compensated--at 10% of what you paid for it.

I wish life were easier.

PorterStarrByrd
04-05-2011, 04:37 PM
Granted. Your muse is an emu in Argentina. You are aware that you have to start a torrid love-affair with your muse for it to help your product right?

I wish I had a twelve inch pianist.


Sorry . the Genie is a prude and does not deal in sexual fantasy

I wish my egg flower soup had a little nicer smell.

kellysaid
04-05-2011, 08:38 PM
I wish my egg flower soup had a little nicer smell.
Granted, it smells a little nicer than a skunk ;)

I wish life were easier.

BAM! Granted. Just press this button until it clicks ;)
http://www.sassycouponmommy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/staples-easy-button.png

I wish I could take a vacation, somewhere nice, genie ;)

iLion
04-05-2011, 09:04 PM
Granted! Here are your ticket(s) (one for the plane, one for the bus, the jeep, the canoe, the horseback, a raft, et.al.) into the 'Never Never' region of the Australian outback. Yeah, I know it's a little harsh, but I surveyed the local aborigines and they all say it's very very nice.


I wish I had a beautiful three masted yacht.

PorterStarrByrd
04-05-2011, 09:18 PM
Granted! Here are your ticket(s) (one for the plane, one for the bus, the jeep, the canoe, the horseback, a raft, et.al.) into the 'Never Never' region of the Australian outback. Yeah, I know it's a little harsh, but I surveyed the local aborigines and they all say it's very very nice.


I wish I had a beautiful three masted yacht.


Granted
It is waiting for you pick up in Ajo, Arizona. The labor was cheaper there.


I wish I never made a mistake.

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 09:50 PM
This is one of the most difficult wishes the genie has ever had to confront. Having carefully examined your life, he has been left with only one choice:

Granted. You haven't been born yet.

I wish I had an apple tree.

CDSinex
04-06-2011, 02:21 AM
Granted: You now have a lovely, albeit inedible, hedge apple tree.

http://hedgeapple.com/static/images/hedgeapple.jpg
(http://hedgeapple.com/static/images/hedgeapple.jpg)


I wish I had something to barbeque tonight.

strictlytopsecret
04-06-2011, 02:26 AM
Granted, but you may find very few takers for BBQ'd Hedgeapple Surprise.

I wish my kitten would abandon his self-appointed duty as an (unnecessary) early morning alarm clock.

Drachen Jager
04-06-2011, 02:40 AM
Granted. CDSinex's BBQ hedge apple has been replaced by mystery meat. And your kitten is missing. But don't worry, the two are probably not connected...

I wish I wasn't so tired today.

Nymtoc
04-06-2011, 02:44 AM
Granted. You are not tired today, but you will be totally pooped tomorrow.

I wish I had my own private genie, instead of this nasty one that always plays dirty tricks on people.

PorterStarrByrd
04-06-2011, 02:53 AM
Granted
My twin brother has allowed me to serve you from now on

I wish cue balls were cube balls. It would make bars a little quieter so I can enjoy my stupor a little more.

Nymtoc
04-06-2011, 07:27 PM
Granted. But there are new rules. Now the cube ball sits in the center of the table, while the other (round) balls are shot so that they must hit the cube ball, then carom off it to sink in a pocket. It's much harder to play than the old game, and much, much noisier.

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would make sensible wishes.

Drachen Jager
04-06-2011, 10:09 PM
Granted. That was easy, they always have been sensible to him.

I wish Nymtoc would get a haircut.

PorterStarrByrd
04-06-2011, 10:55 PM
Granted. That was easy, they always have been sensible to him.

I wish Nymtoc would get a haircut.


The genie will be happy to grant this as soon as nymtoc grows something resembling hair.


I wish egg shells were made of latex

HarryHoskins
04-07-2011, 02:52 AM
Granted. But for every action there is an equal reaction - Condom sales plummet, birth rates rise.

I wish I had an invisible friend.

CDSinex
04-07-2011, 10:00 AM
Granted: You now have an invisible friend, unfortunately you don't see eye to eye.

I wish I weren't so easily distracted.

Nymtoc
04-07-2011, 03:23 PM
Granted. You focus like a laser on your computer monitor (which is blank) all day. Nothing, not even the smoke alarm, distracts you.

I wish my new sneakers fit better.

Drachen Jager
04-07-2011, 07:26 PM
Granted. They fit me just fine, thanks!

I wish I had a writing studio separate from the rest of the house where I could lock the door.

PorterStarrByrd
04-07-2011, 08:19 PM
Granted. They fit me just fine, thanks!

I wish I had a writing studio separate from the rest of the house where I could lock the door.


Granted .. you did want that locked from the outside ... didn't you?

I wish my deodorant worked better. Nobody sits with me in the bar any more.

Drachen Jager
04-07-2011, 09:51 PM
Granted. Your deodorant works wonderfully well now. There isn't the slightest offending smell emanating from your body. I guess you'll just have to face the fact that it's your personality now.

I wish I had an interstellar spaceship.

Nymtoc
04-07-2011, 10:54 PM
Granted. It will take you directly to the most luminous star in the Milky Way, Eta Carinae, which is expected to go supernova sometime soon, destroying everything near it--including you and your spaceship, sad to say.

I wish I could find gold in my back yard.

HarryHoskins
04-07-2011, 11:34 PM
Granted. But it's up to you to extract it from the mouth of the gun wielding gang member who is currently preoccupied with burgularising your house.

I wish i could meet George W. Bush.

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 03:45 AM
Granted. He asks you to ghostwrite a book for him, and when you hand him the manuscript, he pats you on the back and says, "Heck of a job, Harry!"

I wish I had a Ferris wheel.

CDSinex
04-08-2011, 08:37 AM
Granted: You now have a Ferris Wheel in your back yard. The cost of your homeowner's insurance has increased 10,000 fold, the neighbors have filed 57 noise and traffic complaints (your Ferris Wheel is quite the tourist attraction), you are being fined $1,000 per car/per day for using your front yard as a parking lot. Oh, and every time you try to run the thing the power goes out in a 5 mile radius.

I wish I had tomorrow off.

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 09:17 AM
Granted. You will be fired before you go to work in the morning.

I wish I could play the saxophone.

PorterStarrByrd
04-08-2011, 03:04 PM
Granted. He asks you to ghostwrite a book for him, and when you hand him the manuscript, he pats you on the back and says, "Heck of a job, Harry!"

I wish I had a Ferris wheel.

Granted
Hope the rest of the parts aren't too expensive


I wish I could spend four more years in the navy.

Drachen Jager
04-08-2011, 10:47 PM
"I wish I could play the saxophone."

Granted. You are now a savant of the saxophone, you know the other word commonly associated with 'savant' right?

"I wish I could spend four more years in the navy."

You can, but it will be the Navy as idealised by the village people.

I wish Porter would get his wishes straight!

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 11:20 PM
Granted. A chip will be implanted in Porter's brain designed to keep his wishes straight. There may be be a slight delay before the surgeons can reach his northern outpost.

I wish I didn't always have to wait so long for the elevator in my building.

Drachen Jager
04-08-2011, 11:46 PM
Granted. Your elevator has been replaced with the new 'turbo' model. It accelerates at five gees and drops travel time to practically nothing at all.

I wish I had an assistant.

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 11:54 PM
Granted. His name is Grendel.

I wish I had Aladdin's lamp. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this pesky AW genie.

PorterStarrByrd
04-09-2011, 12:08 AM
Granted. His name is Grendel.

I wish I had Aladdin's lamp. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this pesky AW genie.


Granted You will have to replace the bulb. It works best with a three way bulb. Don't know what that has to with genies though ...

.. oh wait !! you believe those old fables don't you?

he-he

I wish somebody would put sunglasses on the sculptures on Mt Rushmore so I could see them better in the summer.

Drachen Jager
04-09-2011, 12:38 AM
Granted.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3247/2876981777_367ceb024e.jpg

I wish the week would end already.

HarryHoskins
04-09-2011, 12:50 AM
Granted. You do live in Mauritius, right?

I wish I could spend the night with Barbara Bush.

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 01:07 AM
Granted. You sit on opposite sides of the room, and she spends the entire night repeating, "My son, George, has been a bad, bad boy!" (Actual quote.)

I wish I could go hunting with Sarah Palin.

Drachen Jager
04-09-2011, 01:30 AM
Granted. But she insists on bringing some guy named Dick along and you spend most of the trip picking shot out of your face.

I wish Sarah Palin would just disappear.

HarryHoskins
04-09-2011, 01:53 AM
Granted. The members of the Tea Party, still able to hear her voice, take the disappearance as evidence of a miracle and God's wish for a truly colourless President.

I wish I knew my left from right.

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 03:22 AM
Granted. The Birthers are on your right.

HarryHoskins
04-09-2011, 03:30 AM
I have granted you, unconditionally, invisible ink.

I wish Nymtoc didn't have invisible ink.

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 03:36 AM
Granted. Nymtoc's invisible ink was put in his pen by the Genie. Nymtoc will now make a wish:

I wish I could accomplish everything I want without the aid of an annoying Genie.

CDSinex
04-09-2011, 06:12 AM
Granted: From now on the spurned and insulted Genie is no longer willing to "aid" you in any manner, until and unless you apologize.

I wish the Genie would like Nymtoc again, and give me a million dollars. If the Genie can only grant one of the wishes, I'll take money. Sorry, Nymie.

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 06:22 AM
Granted. The Genie is unwilling to aid the foul Nymtoc, who not only refused to apologize but thumbed his nose at the benevolent Genie. Therefore, the Genie is giving you a million dollars, with the understanding that it will be deposited in your bank account in the year 2089.

I wish I didn't keep getting into such tangles with my plots.

HarryHoskins
04-09-2011, 07:38 PM
Granted. You now only own one allotment, but your narrative arcs are as labyrinthine as ever.

I wish was a woman.

Drachen Jager
04-09-2011, 09:11 PM
Granted. Well... Sort of granted, you will have to go under the knife to get all the cosmetic work done, but I have sorted it out so you will menstruate, will that do?

I wish I had more time, money, patience and skill.

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 11:44 PM
Granted. You have more of all those things to waste.

I wish I would never get wet in the rain.

PorterStarrByrd
04-10-2011, 12:23 AM
Still haven't apologized .. have you. Ever seen a sunami that will reach YOUR house before?

I wish beer cans still needed one of those can opener triangle thingy's (church key) so I could work off a calorie or two each time I open a beer.

Nymtoc
04-10-2011, 12:56 AM
Granted. Not only do they need a church key, they are made of titanium, so you can work off a whole lot of calories.

I wish the Genie would not be so sensitive when I flip him the bird.

HarryHoskins
04-10-2011, 02:09 AM
Granted. The Genie grows an albatross deflection device, Fleetwood Mac sue you for lost royalties.

I wish I could speak better Russian.

CDSinex
04-10-2011, 05:51 AM
Granted: The Genie is of the school of thought that feels the only way to truly achieve native, or at least near-native fluency is to live and work in the nation that is home to your target language. Toward this end the Genie has secured for you a position in the Raspadskaya Coal Mine in Кемерово. Rest assured the Genie has reviewed all of the salacious news stories concerning the recent spate of mine explosions there, and has received assurances from the mine owners that they are a thing of the past, recent past to be sure, but the past nonetheless.

I wish the sun would shine at least once this spring (You’d have to live in the Pacific Northwest to grasp the utter desperation in my plea.)

Nymtoc
04-10-2011, 06:07 AM
Granted. The sun will shine for 2 1/2 minutes on April 20 where you are.

I wish the sun would shine at least once this spring where I am.

Drachen Jager
04-10-2011, 09:20 AM
Granted. As the smoke from your cremated remains clears the cloud layer it will be in full sun for a couple of days.

I wish I had a private army at my disposal.

Nymtoc
04-10-2011, 10:07 AM
Granted. They are reserved in your name. You can pick them up at your local Toys R Us.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/SOLDIERS%20TOY%20METAL.jpg

I wish I didn't have to go on jury duty.

Saranoya
04-10-2011, 10:52 AM
Granted. You'll be dismissed upon questioning by the prosecution, because they uncovered last-minute evidence that you may have been an accomplice to the crime. The next time you set foot into a court room, you'll be the defendant.

I wish my chronic staph infection would finally heal.

PorterStarrByrd
04-10-2011, 02:38 PM
I wish the sun would shine at least once this spring (You’d have to live in the Pacific Northwest to grasp the utter desperation in my plea.)

Granted
The sun is shining in Eugene today. It's not that long of a drive to enjoy it. It will also get you away from the Husky influence syndrome, which causes victims to not appreciate anything good, like rain and ducks.


I wish I could find a use for maple syrup

HarryHoskins
04-10-2011, 04:24 PM
Granted. You are now the lube man at the Pink Coconut.

I wish I had a photographic memory.

Drachen Jager
04-10-2011, 08:25 PM
Granted. Since all your memory is now dedicated to remembering images you have nothing left for the other necessities of life. You are a drooling vegetable with a wonderful slide-show of all the things you've seen and done in your life playing constantly through your mind.

I wish I had one of those classy home libraries with a mezzanine, those ladders on rollers that slide along the bookshelves and a spiral staircase.

Nymtoc
04-10-2011, 10:31 PM
Granted. Monumental Studios is so taken with your library they want to use your whole house for a remake of The Fall of the House of Usher. At the end, of course, your house crashes into rubble. The studio pays you $100.

I wish I had one of those old-fashioned bicycles with one big wheel and a tiny wheel in back.

PorterStarrByrd
04-10-2011, 10:33 PM
I wish I had one of those classy home libraries with a mezzanine, those ladders on rollers that slide along the bookshelves and a spiral staircase.


Granted.
You now live in the library. Good luck in finding the kitchen. Keep the shelves dusted. You may be getting visitors.

I wish I knew what was coming next.

HarryHoskins
04-11-2011, 12:03 AM
Granted. You have a minute to live.

I wish I was a milkman.

Nymtoc
04-11-2011, 01:22 AM
Granted. You milk the cows yourself.

_____________________

The Genie ignored this wish the last time I posted it, and I insist that he grant it now, or I will do something terrible!

I wish I had one of those old-fashioned bicycles with one big wheel and a tiny wheel in back.

CDSinex
04-11-2011, 04:53 AM
Granted: The Genie wonders why you didn't ask him to teach you how to ride it.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_TAi8dc5C-S8/TP0fruC5q6I/AAAAAAAAGPU/CAwdJdCzbz8/s1600/bicycle-accident.jpg

I wish I could find someone to clean-up my desk.

Nymtoc
04-11-2011, 05:20 AM
Granted. This is Zelda, the desk-cleaning robot. She will clean your desk every five seconds, completely removing all dust, dirt, and everything you are working on.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/ROBOT%20-%20%20HOUSE%20CLEANING%20ROBOT%20-%20JAPAN.jpg

I wish I could go back to Woodstock in 1969.

SJp
04-11-2011, 06:29 AM
Granted. You freak out, having realized that you just took the brown acid.

I wish my girlfriend would quit nagging me.

Drachen Jager
04-11-2011, 09:39 AM
Granted. You are now single.

I wish everything was more fun.

PorterStarrByrd
04-11-2011, 03:03 PM
Granted. You are now single.

I wish everything was more fun.

Granted Your IQ drops 40 points (if possible) and everything is new and interesting to you. Your writing suffers a bit. (maybe not)


I wish thunder was not so loud

iLion
04-11-2011, 03:24 PM
You got it, Porter. Thunder is now so quiet that only you can hear it. It crashes and booms incessantly, day and night, but no one else is aware of it.

I wish I could get rid of the wasps on my deck.

HarryHoskins
04-11-2011, 04:27 PM
Granted. You replace your crew with Boston Irish.

I wish the Secretary Generals of the U.N didn't have such silly names.

Nymtoc
04-11-2011, 10:10 PM
Granted. The next UN Secretary General will be named Tlhatlogo Seretse Khama Tsatsi La Ga Tautona, which is not silly at all in Botswana.

I wish my troubles would melt like lemon drops.

PorterStarrByrd
04-11-2011, 11:33 PM
Granted. The next UN Secretary General will be named Tlhatlogo Seretse Khama Tsatsi La Ga Tautona, which is not silly at all in Botswana.

I wish my troubles would melt like lemon drops.

Granted : hope you can tread water a LONG time.

I wish cherries were easier to pick up here in Ice Land

HarryHoskins
04-12-2011, 12:27 AM
Granted on the condition you mean the fruit rather than the inexperienced.

I wish I knew what Steampunk was.

PorterStarrByrd
04-12-2011, 01:06 AM
Granted on the condition you mean the fruit rather than the inexperienced.

I wish I knew what Steampunk was.

Granted You now know he attended the steam engine in a lumber operation. You still don't know anything else but while talking to him you miss a vital warning by the whistle punk

I wish you had survived

Drachen Jager
04-12-2011, 01:08 AM
Granted. Steampunk is LARPing with corsets.

I wish more people knew what Steampunk is.

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 01:21 AM
Granted. I have put your contact information (address, phone, email, the whole ball of wax) on the Internet, so that people who want to know about Steampunk can get in touch with you. You will undoubtedly be overwhelmed by questions, but the Genie knows how conscientious you are and is confident that you will answer every last one.

I wish something bothersome didn't come along every time I think I'm going to have a little peace in my life.

HarryHoskins
04-12-2011, 01:32 AM
Granted. Herpes no longer exists.

I wish people would stop mistaking me for George Clooney.

CDSinex
04-12-2011, 06:06 AM
Granted: People now mistake you for George Bush


http://acidcow.com/pics/20100603/the_funniest_photos_george_w_bush_photos_25.jpg

(Apparently he's not too happy about being mistaken you, either.)


I wish I didn't have hay fever and it was warmer (Hay fever when it's only 52° is unnatural.)

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 06:11 AM
Granted. You don't have hay fever. You have a heat rash, and the temperature is 110 F.

I wish I had a junk filter on my TV so that it would show only good programs.

Drachen Jager
04-12-2011, 09:44 AM
Granted. Your TV has its own ideas about what 'good' programs are. Late at night it seems to always turn to The Discovery Channel to watch the innards of machines exposed. In the morning there is often a small puddle of goo next to it.

I wish I had the body of a Greek god.

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 09:54 AM
Granted. You didn't specify which god, so the Genie has made your choice for you.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/Dionysus.JPG


I wish I could explore a black hole.

PorterStarrByrd
04-12-2011, 03:18 PM
I wish I could explore a black hole.


Granted ..
They are planting trees in the field just down the street from you. They have bags and bags of Magic Earth black potting soil. You will spend the next three weeks first making the holes you dig black, and then exploring them.
Don't spend too much time doing that though, you are being paid by the tree.


I wish I knew the difference between stawberry plants and popison ivy.

HarryHoskins
04-12-2011, 04:01 PM
Granted. You now know the difference but have developed an allergy to strawberries and a taste for poison ivy.

I wish I remember where my boot-cut corduroy trousers were.

iLion
04-12-2011, 08:57 PM
Granted. You just remembered you left your pants at your boss's house... in the kitchen right where you and his wife left them.

I wish I could dance the boogie-woogie like a 20 yr old.

Drachen Jager
04-12-2011, 09:38 PM
Okay, now you dance like this guy.

http://videogum.com/img/thumbnails/photos/andrew_wk.gif

I wish I was a movie star.

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 10:12 PM
Granted. You get a role in a cheap murder mystery, and they list all the actors under "starring." Your role is that of a corpse found dead in the opening shot. It is your last film role.

I wish I didn't have to go to the doctor today.

PorterStarrByrd
04-12-2011, 11:14 PM
Granted. You get a role in a cheap murder mystery, and they list all the actors under "starring." Your role is that of a corpse found dead in the opening shot. It is your last film role.

I wish I didn't have to go to the doctor today.


Granted
You now have an appointment with the mortician on Monday so he can 'take a few measurments'.


I wish the candle wasn't buring at both ends.

HarryHoskins
04-12-2011, 11:26 PM
Granted. It burns at neither end now. Its dark and the Moose Rapids candle maker has gone out of business.

I wish I wasn't compelled to drop trousers every time the national anthem is played.

Drachen Jager
04-12-2011, 11:33 PM
Granted. You now wear a skirt.

I wish I had telepathy.

PorterStarrByrd
04-12-2011, 11:47 PM
Granted. You now wear a skirt.

I wish I had telepathy.


Granted. Did you also want control of it?

I wish my MC wasn't trying to eliminate himself.

HarryHoskins
04-13-2011, 12:04 AM
Granted. He is now trying to eliminate you.

I wish I didn't smell of kippers.

Drachen Jager
04-13-2011, 12:07 AM
Granted. Now he's trying to eliminate you.

[I am keeping the above because I find it funny]

Granted. HH now smells like a sewer.

I wish I could cook like Gordon Ramsay.

PorterStarrByrd
04-13-2011, 05:05 AM
I wish I could cook like Gordon Ramsay.


SHAME on you. The genie is not like into canibalism !!!!


I wish I had met Mark Twain when I was twelve

Nymtoc
04-13-2011, 06:06 AM
*the Genie pulls out his calculator*

Let's see. Mark Twain died in 1910, so you could have met him any time before his death. If it was in the last year of his life, and you were 12, you would now be 113. If you had met him when he was a baby and you were 12, you would now be 188. This is one of those rare cases where the Genie will let you take your choice.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I could find a publisher who would not only publish my book but send me around the world on expense-paid tours to promote it.

PorterStarrByrd
04-13-2011, 03:59 PM
I wish I could find a publisher who would not only publish my book but send me around the world on expense-paid tours to promote it.


Granted: Your publisher has decided that the target audience for your kind of work is third world. Please schedule a visit with your doctor for certain innoculations and remedies.


I wish I had a little more influence on the genie.

Nymtoc
04-13-2011, 04:16 PM
Granted. You now have .00000000001% more influence on the Genie than you used to have.

I wish my dreams had better endings.

PorterStarrByrd
04-13-2011, 04:36 PM
Granted. You now have .00000000001% more influence on the Genie than you used to have.

I wish my dreams had better endings.


Granted
Your finger tips and toes now secrete an extremely sticky saplike substance which makes it easy for you to climb walls. You soon have to do that.

You may want to stop dreaming about your fingers and toes.

I wish all of the children in the world had enough good food to eat.

Drachen Jager
04-13-2011, 11:16 PM
Granted. All of the adults (including you) have none.

I wish I was a genie.

Nymtoc
04-13-2011, 11:31 PM
Granted.

You may have to make a few other changes in your life, though.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/GENIE%204.jpg

I wish it would finally be spring around here.

Drachen Jager
04-13-2011, 11:56 PM
Granted. You are now trapped in a giant slinky. What a strange wish.

I wish the clouds would go away and the weather would get warmer.

HarryHoskins
04-14-2011, 02:52 AM
Granted. You now live in 2090.

I wish all words had three syllables.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 03:40 AM
Granted. Whenever you speak each word to come out of your mouth has three syllables. You seem to stutter on single or double syllable words and mush together syllables on words with more than three. People have a hard time understanding you. Your wish is even weirder than Nymtoc's, most people wish for something to make their lives better.

I wish my life was twice as good as it is now.

HarryHoskins
04-14-2011, 03:51 AM
Granted. You kill me, assume my identity and clone yourself.

I wish I had a motto.

CDSinex
04-14-2011, 08:00 AM
Granted: The Genie has based your new motto on your "location", If Not Here When, If Not Now, Where?

I wish there was something good on TV right now.

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 08:07 AM
Granted. All your channels are dark right now except one, which is broadcasting a marathon of Barney & Friends.

I wish I had telekinetic powers.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 08:36 AM
Granted. It only works on yourself while you're sleeping. In other words, you sleep above the covers. Four feet above the covers. (Venkman would be turned on)

I wish I had perfect grammar.

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 09:21 AM
Granted. Despite her age, she is perfect in every way. She's attractive, loving, a great cook, and so caring of her grandchildren that...what's that? Oh, the Genie thought you meant...:e2tomato: Hey, even the Genie fouls up sometimes. :e2woo:

I wish I could continue writing in my sleep. That way I would finish my book twice as fast.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 09:43 AM
Granted. You wake up to twenty pages of "ZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZ ZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzz zzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZ ZZ"

I wish I could write twenty pages a day of bestseller material.

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 10:19 AM
Granted. You write 20 pages a day of such utter crap that you realize you have been selling your soul for a buck and give up writing altogether.

I with TV were filled with programs of substance instead of trivia.

PorterStarrByrd
04-14-2011, 03:20 PM
Granted. Whenever you speak each word to come out of your mouth has three syllables. You seem to stutter on single or double syllable words and mush together syllables on words with more than three. People have a hard time understanding you. Your wish is even weirder than Nymtoc's, most people wish for something to make their lives better.

I wish my life was twice as good as it is now.


Granted: Er .. help the genie out .. what is 2 X 0 ...?

I wish chesnuts did tricks.

HarryHoskins
04-14-2011, 03:23 PM
Granted. But they only do them when you're not looking.

I wish I had a telephone which could dial through time.

PorterStarrByrd
04-14-2011, 07:56 PM
Granted. But they only do them when you're not looking.

I wish I had a telephone which could dial through time.


Granted. If you are lucky those you call won't have caller ID


I wish I had paid more attention in Kindergarten

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 08:47 PM
Granted. Now you know the alphabet from A through C.

I wish I could invent a substance that would replace petroleum.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 09:13 PM
Granted. It's twice as expensive and twice as damaging to the environment. For some reason it doesn't catch on.

I wish I knew a trick that would solve all the world's energy problems.

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 09:19 PM
Granted. But turning people into Soylent Green has been done before, and when you try it, it gets you life without parole in a supermax prison.

I wish I knew how to get money out of politics.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 09:50 PM
Granted. You are now cell mates with Jack Abramoff, he tells you everything he knows on the subject.

I wish I had a big juicy cheeseburger.

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 09:54 PM
Granted. It tastes great, but meat juice and ketchup and all kinds of unidentifiable goo drip all over your shirt just before you go to that important job interview.

I wish I could take members of Congress and shake some sense into them.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2011, 10:59 PM
Granted. Moments later you are arrested by the Secret Service and sent to Gitmo. As your elected representatives have spent years learning how to abandon common sense your shaking does not have a lasting impact.

I wish I had a card that would let me go into any book store in the world and take what I wanted without having to pay or get in trouble with the law.

Nymtoc
04-15-2011, 01:17 AM
Granted. And after you have taken the book and not paid for it, you are grabbed by store security and taken to a dark, dank basement, where you are stretched on a rack, beaten severely, given the Chinese water torture and eventually set free. (Remember, the Genie said "store security," not the law. ;))

I wish I had a Rolls-Royce complete with chauffeur.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2011, 01:52 AM
I already granted this one! The chauffeur is still in there somewhere, but if he's alive he's probably getting pretty hungry by now.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7VA7F_TcBdACqBbYv4tgBRjbbPLQZI JPidl2wPoL5_FtPxID4&t=1


I wish Nymtoc wouldn't keep wishing for the same things.

PorterStarrByrd
04-15-2011, 02:06 AM
I already granted this one! The chauffeur is still in there somewhere, but if he's alive he's probably getting pretty hungry by now.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7VA7F_TcBdACqBbYv4tgBRjbbPLQZI JPidl2wPoL5_FtPxID4&t=1


I wish Nymtoc wouldn't keep wishing for the same things.


So do I but it's beyond any power that I know of

I wish every corner of a cube was an inch or more longer or shorter than any of the others and that it would be delivered to Nymtoc for use as a coffee table.

Nymtoc
04-15-2011, 02:09 AM
I wish Nymtoc wouldn't keep wishing for the same things.

Granted. But Nymtoc isn't quite as dumb as you think. He goes to his shop and quickly repairs the cube and uses it as a beautiful coffee table, thank you very much!

I wish I had a wardrobe fit for a king.

PorterStarrByrd
04-15-2011, 02:22 AM
Granted. But Nymtoc isn't quite as dumb as you think. He goes to his shop and quickly repairs the cube and uses it as a beautiful coffee table, thank you very much!

I wish I had a wardrobe fit for a king.

Granted : You now have a choker collar, a coat with openings for all four legs, and a bunch of silly costuems King's owner used before King had to 'convince her to stop. Some have blood on them.

I wish it were possble to believe it possible for 'Nymtock' and 'beautiful' to be used together in possibly believable sentence.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2011, 02:45 AM
Granted. "Nymtoc could never be mistaken for a beautiful woman."

I wish I had one of those legendary money bags that would fill with gold coins every night while I sleep.

Nymtoc
04-15-2011, 03:07 AM
Granted. The Genie is glad you said "legendary," because the only legendary money bag that ever existed went down in a shipwreck in the year 1627. It lies in the hold of HMS Dill Pickle at the deepest point of the ocean, 17,656 km below sea level. Good luck getting it!

I wish I could ride on the Genie's shoulder as he flies around the world.

alleycat
04-15-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. Please be aware that the Genie has been arrested for FUI (flying under the influence) seventeen times. The Genie used to work for United Airlines, but now works in the tower at Reagan International.

I wish flying was easier. I remember when you didn't get strip searched to fly to Dallas.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2011, 04:58 AM
Granted. If you don't want to be strip searched you may fly using one of these.

http://www.billfryer.com/dsc/newimages/cat5.jpg

I wish I had one of those catapults!