PDA

View Full Version : Your wish is granted...


Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 [23] 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59

Ms. Jem
01-11-2009, 03:57 AM
Granted, it stopped snowing until Sunday night, in New York. But you're in Moscow and even chains won't get your tires out of the white stuff coming down up there. But I'm not without a heart, your girlfriend Babushka holds the heavy weight title and is strong enough to carry you anywhere you want to go.

I want jellie beans!

She_wulf
01-11-2009, 04:42 AM
Since the genie only grants wishes requested in proper form, you have been granted a bag of lima beans.

please phrase your wishes carefully.

:) have a nice day :)

I wish I could get the books I want to purchase BEFORE the release date.

Horserider
01-11-2009, 05:35 AM
Granted. Unfortunately since you received them before the release date they are illegal copies and the police will be showing up at your door momentarily. :D

I wish there were six extra hours in the day.

Nymtoc
01-11-2009, 06:31 AM
I wish there were six extra hours in the day.

Granted.

Unfortunately, "the day" is impossibly vague, and the genie does not know which day you had in mind. Therefore, he has chosen one at random. It will be February 29, 2009.

:D

I wish publishers would come knocking at my door.

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-11-2009, 06:35 AM
Your wish is granted. You now live on the moon where the days are 30 hours in length (24+6).

I wish I could become more decisive.

Horserider
01-11-2009, 06:48 AM
I wish publishers would come knocking at my door.

Granted. Publishamerica is coming to your house. Have fun chasing them away. :D

I wish I could become more decisive.

Granted. You can know make split second decisions. Unfortunately the one you choose is usually the wrong one, but hey at least you made a decision.

Horserider
01-11-2009, 06:50 AM
Dang it forgot my wish. I wish....that my computer would let me into the SYW forums. :Hammer:

She_wulf
01-11-2009, 06:55 AM
Granted, but the window for access expires as soon as you finish reading this message.

I wish Haggis' eyes glowed green instead of red.

:)

Wayne K
01-12-2009, 06:51 PM
I wish Haggis' eyes glowed green instead of red.

Granted. But they are the green eyes of envy, so Haggis steals everything you own.

I wish I wasn't in Marcus Hook Pa.

Ms. Jem
01-12-2009, 09:45 PM
Granted. You're not in Marcus Hook, you're in Afghanistan, houseguest of public enemy #1. Word of advice: cut your visit short. Go back to Marcus Hook before the big bang.

I wish it was Friday night again!

alleycat
01-12-2009, 10:07 PM
Granted. It's Friday night, December 5, 1941. I hope you're not vacationing in Hawaii.

I wish I could snap my fingers and everything on my to-do list would get done.

Ms. Jem
01-13-2009, 11:27 PM
Well, Alley, that is quite a tall order, are you up to it?

Ok, granted, everyone on your to-do list get's done...by Hugh Jackson.

Of course, since I granted your wish, you won't mind if I put myself on that to-do list? :D

I want an organized office - for once in my life!

Horserider
01-14-2009, 12:42 AM
Granted it's organized by monkeys using a system only monkeys understand. I hope you know someone that speaks monkey.

I wish I never have homework again.

alleycat
01-14-2009, 02:43 AM
Granted. You get thrown out of school and spend the rest of your working life picking up the trash in a fast food restaurant parking lot and living in a trailer (one of those that actually has wheels).

I wish I could decide which car I want.

Horserider
01-14-2009, 02:50 AM
Granted. There's only one type of car left in the world and it's the gas-guzzling, uglist car you've ever seen. Enjoy.

I wish that I could have a snow day whenever I want one (without dropping out of school or skipping).

Kaiser-Kun
01-14-2009, 02:56 AM
Granted, but on your first summoned snow day, you break your leg on a ski accident and are forced to see all the other people having fun in the snow. And you can't get any chocolate because the snow stopped the delivery truck.

I wish for peace in the world!

alleycat
01-14-2009, 03:09 AM
Granted. All the animals life is killed by a giant meteor striking earth. It's pretty quiet after that.

I wish I had a maid.

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-14-2009, 05:26 AM
Granted. Here's your glass of minute maid orange juice.

I wish I had free unlimited movie passes for a year with no restrictions on their usage.

Nymtoc
01-14-2009, 07:22 PM
I wish I had free unlimited movie passes for a year with no restrictions on their usage.

Granted.

You have free unlimited passes for a year to the Bijou Theater, which is showing Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space. That's the only film on its schedule for the year, but you can see it as often as you like.

:roll:

I wish I lived in a penthouse.

MsK
01-14-2009, 07:26 PM
Granted. you now live in a Penthouse... Magazine, that is. You will probably grow tired of displaying your naked self in those poses for all the world to see.

I wish I could be in a movie with Dermot Mulroney.

Woof
01-14-2009, 07:28 PM
Granted. You live in a penthouse, you have a Hungarian accent and you are married to Eddie Albert. You just "adore a panthouse view" but Eddie has other ideas and schleps you to the country where you do farm chores, get cheated by the local hicks and make friends with a pig.

I wish that the snow-covered tree outside my window would turn into a palm tree swaying in a tropical breeze.

Ms. Jem
01-14-2009, 07:41 PM
Granted, here's your penthouse in NYC's exclusive Dakota building. Did I mention your neighbors? There's Sean Connery, who is just raring for a fight if you don't have cup of sugar. Oh, and Russell Crowe, who get's a little miffed when you tell him no he can't use your phone. Kudos to you, you know how hard that building is to get in to.

Because I like you, I'll give you the Wednesday special: you can change your mind and ask for something else, maybe a gun?


MSK,

Granted. You are in a movie with Dermot Mulroney in 50 years. Your one scene: a passionate kiss with him, without his dentures. Yummy!


Next :)

Woof,

Granted. The palm tree outside your window sways. At least it seems to. Wow, those little blue pills really do the job, don't they? I didn't have to do anything - you did it all yourself.

I wish it would stay 73 degrees all year long, 59 at night. Toasty!

MsK
01-14-2009, 07:43 PM
Granted. Due to extreme climate changes, your entire neighborhood has become the premiere tropical destination of the world. Of course, you now have to deal with all of those tourists wandering the community, taking photos in front of your house, and, of course, having drunken sex in your garden.

Now, I want my wish. :)
I wish I was in a movie with Dermot Mulroney.

ETA: I guess this works for Ms. Jems wish also- somewhat.

alleycat
01-14-2009, 10:19 PM
Granted. How 'bout this one?

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51WSER3KSYL._SL500.jpg

You can be the waitress at the Bluebird.

I wish songs wouldn't get in my head.

LaurieD
01-14-2009, 10:34 PM
Granted!
Everytime you sneeze or blow your nose, the last song you heard plays at full volume, the entire song!
Love Genie

I wish I could teleport myself/my family from place to place instead of drive.

MsK
01-14-2009, 10:51 PM
Granted. You are now able to teleport yourself and your family everywhere. You don't even have a car anymore. Who needs it?
You do, that's who.
You soon discover that all of your best writing ideas came to you while driving in your car. You now have the worst case of writers block you could ever imagine.

I wish I didn't always come up with cliche plot ideas.

Nymtoc
01-14-2009, 11:38 PM
I wish I didn't always come up with cliche plot ideas.

Granted.

You don't come up with any ideas.

:banana:

I wish I could control the weather.

Greenify13
01-14-2009, 11:43 PM
Granted, but everytime you do, you'll feel like you are drowning:e2drown:


I wish there were more hours in a day...

Kaiser-Kun
01-14-2009, 11:48 PM
Granted. The vatican declares that days from now on will have 48 hours, and employers all around the world declare 20-hour shifts. Way to go.

I wish I didn't had to go downtown to run an errand.

Komnena
01-15-2009, 09:11 PM
Granted. Now instead you have to go to the next town twenty miles away.
I wish the cat would quit biting me.

shakeysix
01-15-2009, 09:56 PM
okay, the cat quits biting you. sadly you are now overcome with an irresistible urge to bite the cat. run kitty! run!

i wish my cold baloney sandwich would turn into something warm and succulent

alleycat
01-15-2009, 10:16 PM
Granted. Just sit on it for about 20 minutes.

I wish I was working on some other project than the one I'm working on this week (a 20-story office tower).

Don
01-15-2009, 10:31 PM
Granted. You're now working on a new oil rig in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.

I wish I could solve the plot problem I'm having with my current WIP.

Greenify13
01-15-2009, 10:41 PM
Granted, but now you are going to be plagued by private messages from me.

I wish I could have a new life, start.

Nymtoc
01-16-2009, 01:34 AM
Granted.

Your new name is Jo, and you are now...(the genie is checking available jobs)...

Jo the Plumber

:roll:

I wish all government officials who have committed crimes would receive appropriate punishment.

Sneaky Devil
01-16-2009, 01:37 AM
Granted. But now all the bad guys are getting away.


I wish I could write something today!

Greenify13
01-16-2009, 01:40 AM
Granted. But all of your writings wil be gibberish, and no-one will understand a word.


I wish I could hide.

Sneaky Devil
01-16-2009, 02:02 AM
Granted. But now you have to talk to me HA!


I wish I could get out of this house and into my own!

Greenify13
01-16-2009, 02:16 AM
Granted, but now you have to live next door to me.


I wish I could have a vacation...

Ms. Jem
01-17-2009, 12:05 AM
Granted. Your vacation starts now.

So, did you enjoy your vacation?

Not long enough? Well, you didn't say how long you wanted vacation...

I wish my characters would leave me alone so I could sleep at night!

MsK
01-17-2009, 12:42 AM
Granted.
But I guess you didn't realize they only came to you at night because they wanted to help. All of your ideas have always come through these nightly visits. Now that they're gone, you get plenty of sleep, but when you sit down to write, you can't think of a thing to write about.

I wish I was closer to finishing this story

Ren
01-17-2009, 01:00 AM
Granted. You decide the end will be "And suddenly they all woke up" No one wants to look at the story anymore.

I wish me and my fiance weren't in seperate states right now.

Greenify13
01-17-2009, 01:05 AM
Granted. Now you are living in my attic.

I wish my husband wasn't (*clears throat*) a jerk.

Ren
01-17-2009, 01:08 AM
Granted. Your husband becomes the kindest most sensitive man you know, and ten times the lover too.

Only he now wants men to love... Sorry. My genie wish granting device is a little iffy. You have to be real specific.

I wish I could sell a pece of writing and earn enough money to free me from my financial woes.

Greenify13
01-18-2009, 07:59 PM
(is that supposed to be bad, lol?)
Your wish is granted. However you have lost your fiance because he thinks you are too rich for him.
I wish I could sleep.

Ms. Jem
01-18-2009, 08:59 PM
Granted. You sleep so well now that not even your alarm clock wakes you up. You don't hear your phone ring when The Call comes from that agent you've been hounding.

I wish for a four day work week.

Greenify13
01-18-2009, 09:03 PM
Granted you have a four day work week, and each day has 42 hours.

I wish that my days were better.

Ms. Jem
01-22-2009, 10:02 PM
Granted. Your days are better.

Better than your average day in Purgatory. You get to use the roaring fire sauna first cuz you're new in Hades!

I wish to complete editing two chapters today. :e2BIC:

AshNova
01-22-2009, 10:06 PM
Granted but you hit the 'Delete' key, just as you finish editing.

I wish I could be a humour writer.

Horserider
01-22-2009, 10:33 PM
Granted, but unfortunately you're the worst humor writer in history. I hope you enjoy having tomatoes thrown at you.

I wish politicians really cared about us.

slcboston
01-22-2009, 10:44 PM
Granted.

They care so much they try and give each and every one of us exactly what we want out of government. Pork spending quintuples, the political quagmire, sextuples, and the deficit is now measured in numbers once reserved for computing power.

I wish the ice would melt off my satellite.

AshNova
01-23-2009, 04:32 AM
Granted but then your service provider,cuts off your satellite service.

I wish,I could explore the universe.

shakeysix
01-23-2009, 04:41 AM
okay. but now your satellite is spiraling through space and who will make you the center of its universe now?

i wish my grown children could learn to counterfeit their own money and stop asking me!--s6

AshNova
01-23-2009, 04:55 AM
Granted but now you'r forced to work as slave labour in their counterfeit printing press.

I wish I had blueberry muffins right now.

She_wulf
01-23-2009, 07:34 AM
Now is past, you missed the muffins?
That's because they only existed for a nano-second. Too bad so sad... snarky genie needs better/more clarified wishes to give you what you really want.

I wish the world's economy would improve.

Horserider
01-23-2009, 08:16 AM
Granted, unfortunately it improved because the world was taken over by a supreme ruler. I hope you enjoy living under oppresion.

I wish I didn't have to sleep.

Ms. Jem
01-23-2009, 10:06 PM
Granted. You don't need sleep. You can stay up 24-7 while everyone else goes on with their nightly rest. So, what do you do for those 8-10 hours that your family and friends don't want to hear from you?

You've decided to add the night shift to your day shift work schedule. Now you work 24-7. Hope you like your job.

I wish Pilates came with a bed. That way I could work out and then just fall flat on my face in exhaustion and snooze. :sleepy:

SWickham
01-23-2009, 10:13 PM
Granted! (sounds great to me)

I wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed here on the message board and could figure it all out and be more comfortable posting!!!

Ms. Jem
01-23-2009, 10:25 PM
In viewing your profile, SWickham, I can see you take workouts seriously, so Granted!

You are sooooooo comfortable posting that you're going to start sharing your work in the Share Your Work Thread. Then you'll start critting your genre - and you will LOVE the experience. Oh, and welcome to your new home! :D

I wish for a two-hour lunch every single day of my life.

Greenify13
01-23-2009, 10:27 PM
Granted 2 hr lunches. But you have four extra hours with which you have to write.

I wish my new thread will be successful...

Ms. Jem
01-23-2009, 10:33 PM
BTW, thanks for those four extra hours (need to finish editing four chapters this weekend!)

Granted, your thread is successful, but only after you tell us where it is as no one can find it. Green, I think you're lost again.

I hope I can finish my edits inside of Sunday.

Greenify13
01-23-2009, 10:36 PM
( I am always lost! The Looney Bin (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=128559))

Granted your edits will be done by Sunday. But your computer crashes Sunday night, good luck.

SWickham
01-23-2009, 11:56 PM
In viewing your profile, SWickham, I can see you take workouts seriously, so Granted!



Ha ha, ya, that's what I do.... ;)

I also wish I will finish preparing my chapter for my writing group on Mon night!
(and that it goes over well!!)

Ms. Jem
01-24-2009, 01:35 AM
Granted. You have become that little choo choo - you know the one (I think I can...I think I can...I think I can) and your chapter is ready for Monday...March 9, 2009.

Oh, you meant this Monday, didn't you? Well, see if you can stall 'em for a few months.

I wish it was the weekend already!

Nymtoc
01-24-2009, 04:12 AM
I wish it was the weekend already!

Granted.

Sheesh! That was an easy one. It IS the weekend.

:ROFL:

I wish I could snap my fingers and have a delicious meal prepared for me.

She_wulf
01-24-2009, 09:47 AM
granted. You can snap your fingers...Oh, there was more, too bad. No add-on/run-on wishes...

I wish for my laundry to fold itself.

Wayne K
01-24-2009, 05:56 PM
Granted, but that's because it has evolved and sees you as a danger.

I wish I was faster.

AshNova
01-25-2009, 04:37 AM
Granted,you are now only faster than a snail.

I wish I had rock star length hair.

semilargeintestine
01-25-2009, 04:40 AM
Granted. The hair on your taint is now as long as Pete Townsend is tall.

I wish I wasn't poor.

She_wulf
01-25-2009, 04:58 AM
Granted, you now make 100K/year in Botswanian Pulas. You are considered rich there and in at least 30% of underdeveloped countries. Make that 90% of underdeveloped countries if you live in America....

I wish Pandora.com would play the song I want to hear.

alleycat
01-25-2009, 05:05 AM
Granted. Just type in "Village People" and find the song you want to hear.

I wish I could fly like Superman (only without wearing my underwear on the outside of my suit).

Sneaky Devil
01-25-2009, 05:06 AM
Granted but now you can't seem to land.

I wish I could go to Italy.

semilargeintestine
01-25-2009, 05:07 AM
Dammit, you beat me to it.

Granted. Italy DeGiornio lives three houses down from you.

I wish my dog would shut the hell up.

AshNova
01-25-2009, 05:16 AM
Granted. Now politicians get to go to heaven too.

I wish I owned a chocolate factory.

semilargeintestine
01-25-2009, 05:24 AM
Granted. Your chocolate factory is located directly behind your lemonade factory.

I wish I had a new car.

AshNova
01-25-2009, 05:32 AM
Granted.But with rising fuel costs,you can't afford to drive your car.

I wish I had a pet ferret.

semilargeintestine
01-25-2009, 05:34 AM
Granted. You can find your pet ferret in your chocolate factory.

I wish I had a sandwich.

AshNova
01-25-2009, 05:43 AM
Granted. But it's made of sand.

I wish I had a katana.

semilargeintestine
01-25-2009, 05:46 AM
Granted. Your replica katana key chain should arrive shortly.

I wish I didn't get static shocked every time I exited a vehicle.

Nymtoc
01-25-2009, 09:44 AM
I wish I didn't get static shocked every time I exited a vehicle.

Granted.

From now on, the shocks will carry 1,000 volts.

:roll:

I wish I could write an excellent novel in 30 days.

Horserider
01-25-2009, 09:58 AM
Granted unfortunately the day you finish someone hacks into your computer and wipes the files and now it's gone.

I wish my novel was perfectly edited.

Nymtoc
01-26-2009, 07:22 PM
I wish my novel was perfectly edited.

Granted.

Unfortunately, that's the only good thing about it.

:e2poke:

I wish I had a wishing well.

dochas
01-26-2009, 08:14 PM
I wish I had a wishing well.

Granted, it's sitting in your front yard. It's become so popular that there are hundreds of people waiting for their turn to wish. Your beautiful green lawn is now mud, your plants are trampled, and you can't get your car out of the driveway because there are too many cars double- and triple-parked all along your street.

I wish tomorrow's snow storm would give us enough accumulation to stay home a couple of days instead of the forecasted 1-2 inches which will be just enough to screw up traffic.

alleycat
01-26-2009, 08:23 PM
Granted. It will be enough to keep everyone at home. Also, it will be enough to knock out all power lines in the area for two days . . . no TV, no radio, no lights, no computer, no cooking, no washing, no hot water . . .

But, hey, you get the day off. You can spend it throwing the spoiled stuff out off the fridge.

I wish steak was a low calorie food.

Wayne K
01-26-2009, 10:08 PM
Granted, but you can't have any.


I wish my dog was a cat and my cat was a dog.

alleycat
01-26-2009, 10:29 PM
Granted. Poof! They're changed places. Just call the dog and you'll see.

I wish cars ran off of four D cell batteries and would go 5000 miles before the batteries needed changing.

semilargeintestine
01-26-2009, 10:42 PM
Granted. Cars now run off four D cell batteries and go 5,000 miles before they need to be changed. You can get the batteries at any battery changing station for $5,000.

I wish college wasn't so expensive.

alleycat
01-26-2009, 10:46 PM
Granted. I received an e-mail just the other day offering an MBA diploma for only $39.99 (plus S&H). And you don't even have to go to classes! I'll send it along to you.

I wish I could go the whole week without getting into a "difficult conversation" with a certain female person.

semilargeintestine
01-26-2009, 10:53 PM
Granted. The roll of duct tape and handcuffs are in your garage.

I wish my dishes were clean.

Ms. Jem
01-27-2009, 12:56 AM
Granted. Your dishes are sparkling and they continue to do so as you have no food to serve on them. Aren't they beautiful, though?


I wish dishonesty wasn't all the rage!

Nymtoc
01-27-2009, 08:36 AM
I wish dishonesty wasn't all the rage!

Granted.

Dishonesty is not all the rage. It is all that exists.
:e2hammer:

I wish I had a pear tree.

flyingtart
01-27-2009, 05:45 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it's growing out of your ear.


I wish money grew on trees.

semilargeintestine
01-27-2009, 10:29 PM
Granted. You now have a tree in your room that grows all the Monopoly money you could ever need.

I wish I had a bottomless bottle of water.

alleycat
01-27-2009, 10:36 PM
Granted. Every time it's empty, go put it under the tap and it will magically refill with water just by turning the little handle thing.

I wish I had a dessert to eat after my lunch.

semilargeintestine
01-27-2009, 10:53 PM
Granted. Wait long enough, and you will.

I wish I had enough money to retire early.

She_wulf
01-28-2009, 08:36 AM
Granted. You invested wisely and aggressively and got your money out of the stock market and into government bonds before Sept. 19th... you did get out by Sept 19th, didn't you?

No?

Financial genie is shaking her head. I bet you sold your stocks on Nov. 11th too.

Sigh.

I wish for a full bag of cat food to appear in my kitchen before morning.

semilargeintestine
01-28-2009, 09:15 AM
Granted. A stranger has generously donated a full bag of cat food to you. Unfortunately, he also ran over your cat.

I wish I didn't get pulled over a few weeks ago.

alleycat
01-28-2009, 01:41 PM
Granted. It was all a bad dream. No need to pay the ticket; that's just a leftover figment of your imagination.

I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

AshNova
01-28-2009, 04:33 PM
Granted. But now you'r homeless.

I wish all my legal problems would go away.

alleycat
01-28-2009, 04:38 PM
Granted. You've been sentenced to death so there's nothing more to worry about.

I wish I could build my dream house without all the hassles that usually go with building a house.

Nymtoc
01-28-2009, 04:51 PM
I wish I could build my dream house without all the hassles that usually go with building a house.

Granted.

You can build your dream house with no hassles at all. It's only a dream.

:ROFL:

I wish my income would double every year.

semilargeintestine
01-28-2009, 07:13 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, your income is zero.

I wish my college closed for the snow today.

smoothseas
01-28-2009, 07:51 PM
I wish my college closed for the snow today.

Granted. You are now tush-deep in that heavy white stuff. And itís not gonna melt until April Foolís Day.

I wish that someone would volunteer to pressure wash the north face of our abode.

slcboston
01-28-2009, 08:40 PM
Granted.

They use one of those old water-cannons used to mine for gold back in the old days. Pressure-washes the front of your abode clean... off. Might be a bit drafty.

I wish I could write multiple articles simultaneously - or extend my deadlines.

flyingtart
01-28-2009, 09:25 PM
Granted. You have now been cloned. However your clones will gang up on you and eventually put you out of work.


I wish meals made themselves.

Ms. Jem
01-29-2009, 05:21 AM
Granted. Your neighbor's meals make themselves and now she's got plenty of time to spy on you.


I wish Calgon would take me awaaaaay!

Nymtoc
01-29-2009, 07:37 AM
I wish Calgon would take me awaaaaay!

Granted.

Calgon has taken you away--far away. You now live in Antarctica.

:roll:

I wish my income would double every year.

Ms. Jem
01-29-2009, 10:05 PM
Granted. Who would have thought joining the staff at Gambini Protection Services would be so profitable?


I wish I had memorex memory!

slcboston
01-29-2009, 11:26 PM
Granted.

But you're constantly saying, "Is it live... or is it memorex?" out loud anytime you have to remember something.

I wish my hands were warm.

AshNova
01-30-2009, 05:23 AM
Granted.The undying fires of hell keep your hands comfy.

I wish I had a new camera.

alleycat
01-30-2009, 06:36 AM
Granted. I have a Polaroid you can have. Film for it is a little hard to find, but other than that it's a dandy camera.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Horserider
01-30-2009, 06:38 AM
Granted. You're a vampire and no longer need sleep.

I wish it was February 14th, 2009. (not because it's valentine's day, but because I just want this one class I have to be OVER)

alleycat
01-30-2009, 06:42 AM
Granted. Oh . . . you didn't do so well on the final exam since you missed the last two weeks. You'll have to take the class over.

I wish I had a pizza. See, I don't ask for much.

slcboston
01-30-2009, 06:51 AM
Granted.

One vegetarian pizza coming up. No sauce, no cheese, no meat, nothing but yummy, tasty veggies...

And anchovies.

I wish I didn;t want a snack

MsK
01-30-2009, 08:14 AM
Granted. You don't want a snack. You want a gigantic meal. Your appetite is so ravenous that you can't eat, sleep, or even think straight until you get that meal.

I wish I had more of this amazing cabernet I've been enjoying.

slcboston
01-30-2009, 08:18 AM
granted...

you have an endless, lifetime supply. But only of that wine. No other alcohol. Ever. Hope you don;t get bored.

I wish someone would shoot the bird. I'm not being cruel, the stupid thing just will not shut up tonight and is driving everyone nuts.

Ms. Jem
01-30-2009, 08:20 PM
Granted. They shoot the bird, but this genie loves animals so I had them shoot it up with laughing gas because you asked for such a terrible wish (meanie!).
Now the bird's twitters sound more like the chipmunks on steriods. Got ear plugs?

I wish I could make the perfect butterscotch brownie.

AshNova
01-31-2009, 04:26 AM
Granted.Everyone who eats your brownies,gain clogged arteries and hardened livers.Thanks to all the butter and scotch in the brownies.

I wish I could have some authentic Chicago deep dish pizza.

Hummingbird
01-31-2009, 04:29 AM
Granted, you can now make the perfect butterscotch brownie. All of your neighbors are jealous and keep trying to thwart your ability to cook anything. Pretty soon your hands are sore from the neighbors letting their dogs loose on you and the media is stalking your every move in an attempt to learn how to make the perfect butterscotch brownie.

I wish I had a bicycle. :)

EDIT: Granted you have an authentic Chicago deep dish pizza, but it is delivered to your house by fifty airplanes because it is the size of your house. I hope you are really hungry and like pizza. I wonder how long it will be until it spoils? ;)

I still wish I had a bicycle :D

alleycat
01-31-2009, 04:43 AM
Granted. The kid down the street left his in the unlocked garage. Go and grab that sucker while the family is out to dinner.

As this as been one of the most unusual weeks of my entire life, I wish for joy and happiness this weekend.

slcboston
01-31-2009, 06:57 AM
Granted.

You have a lovely weeked. Hell week starts Monday. (Hey, it all has to balance out somewhere - that's just the way it works.)

I wish I'd been smart enough 2 1/2 years ago to get a formal contract up front before I wrote the articles...

MsK
01-31-2009, 07:08 AM
Granted.
You were smart enough to get that formal contract up front before you wrote the articles.
And that's just too bad.
You see... The contract spells it out- you are now obligated to write for them, and only them... for the next 40 years. That's right, you can't write for anyone else for the next 40 years! And at .0000675 per word... well, let me tell you... you're not gonna get rich that way!

I wish I didn't lose focus so easily.

Horserider
01-31-2009, 07:31 AM
Granted. You know can't STOP focusing on something. No more multi-tasking for you.

I wish I had perfect teeth.

slcboston
01-31-2009, 07:57 AM
Granted.

You have perfect teeth, for a beaver. :D

(and as a quick welcome back to MsK - try bifocals :D)

I wish i was smart enough to go to bed and just record the show I want to watch at 12

RunawayScribe
01-31-2009, 07:58 AM
Granted. It'll cost you one eyeball and a nostril, though.

I wish I were six feet tall.

slcboston
01-31-2009, 08:06 AM
Granted.

You are now six feet tall. Mouse feet, mind you, which makes you about, oh... somewhere about the size of a gnome. You'll get used to... or get stomped on.

I wish I had a better pillow

Greenify13
01-31-2009, 08:07 AM
Granted you have a better pillow, but now you sleep on rocks.

I wish that what I wish would come true, without saying it.

slcboston
01-31-2009, 08:15 AM
Granted.

The consequences are too dire to speak of.

I wish I hadn't been there, done that :D

RunawayScribe
01-31-2009, 08:17 AM
Granted.

The consequences are too dire to speak of.

I wish I hadn't been there, done that :D

Okay, you haven't. You were being framed for a murder instead, and now you're in jail.

I wish I had a pet camel.

Greenify13
01-31-2009, 08:17 AM
Granted you have a pet camel, but he soaks up all your writing skills.

I wish I didn't have to deal with today's consequences...

RunawayScribe
01-31-2009, 08:19 AM
You don't. You have to deal with a room full of eighteen screaming two-year-olds for a whole day, though.

I wish I were asleep already.

slcboston
01-31-2009, 08:27 AM
Granted.

You'll wake up in about a hundred years. It's been nice playing with you, Rip. :D

I wish my feet were warm

She_wulf
01-31-2009, 10:05 PM
Granted. Your feet are warm, too warm... pull them out of the fireplace already and buy SmartWool socks instead.

I wish I didn't have to walk a half mile to the library.

Nymtoc
01-31-2009, 10:41 PM
I wish I didn't have to walk a half mile to the library.

Granted.

The bridge is out. You have to walk three miles to the library.

:roll:

I wish I could come up with a really suspenseful plot.

slcboston
02-01-2009, 02:43 AM
Granted.

You have a plot about suspension bridges. It's boring, but suspenseful... :D

I wish I knew what time to have dinner ready so i knew when to start cooking...

CheriVixen
02-01-2009, 05:02 AM
Granted.

You know the time to have dinner ready, you know when to start cooking, but the really hard part is-and all the head nodding in the world wont help with this- what to cook.

I wish my ceilings were tall enought to hang the disco ball I got yesterday.

alleycat
02-01-2009, 06:20 AM
Granted. I will sent Ivan and his crew right over. They'll take care of that low ceiling. They might even put in a skylight for you . . . whether you wanted one or not.

I wish I had the next four weeks off for vacation from work (while keeping my job!).

MsK
02-01-2009, 06:27 AM
Granted. You have the next four weeks off for vacation, and you will be keeping your job. But just because you have the time off doesn't mean the work stops coming in... you are going to have four weeks worth of work to make up for when you return... and that's on top of that new account you just landed that will absolutely postively demand all of your time. How will you ever get it done?

I wish I could win the lottery.

alleycat
02-01-2009, 06:31 AM
Granted! You just won the AW Lotto game! Woo hoo. The pot was up to 89 cents. Would you like that in a lump sum, or spread out over the next forty years? Oh, you will need to fill out these six income tax forums.

I wish I had someone to do all my work when I got back from vacation!

MsK
02-01-2009, 06:44 AM
Granted.
I will do all your work. Of course, I know nothing about architecture, so I'm certain to mess it all up... leaving you even more work on your plate, correcting my mistakes AND that new big account that is practically draining you.

I wish I was a best selling author.

alleycat
02-01-2009, 06:48 AM
Granted. You're James Frey. Don't expect to get asked back to the Oprah show.

I wish someone would buy by groceries for me every week, then put them all away. I would gladly tip them a dollar.

cooeedownunder
02-01-2009, 06:53 AM
granted. Thanks for the dollar. I will buy dog food and put it away for you.

I wish it wasn't so hot.

alleycat
02-01-2009, 07:00 AM
Granted. You've welcome to come to Tennessee. It's 4 degs. C at the moment.

I wish I had a dog!

cooeedownunder
02-01-2009, 07:04 AM
Granted. You have a big German sheppard that doesn't like cats.

I wish I had a muse that would speak more often.

Nymtoc
02-01-2009, 07:17 AM
I wish I had a muse that would speak more often.

Granted.

You have a muse that speaks constantly, every minute of the day and night. Unfortunately, she has only one phrase. She keeps saying, "Put the seat of your pants to the seat of the chair, put the seat of your pants to the seat of your chair, put the seat of..."


_________________

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/FAIRYG%203%20350.JPG

cooeedownunder
02-01-2009, 10:17 AM
seeing you don't have a wish..

I wish I sold a million books by the end of the week.

flyingtart
02-01-2009, 02:32 PM
Granted. Now get down the market to start your new job.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

alleycat
02-01-2009, 03:53 PM
Granted. I'll have someone come over and smash your foot with a hammer. You won't even be aware that you have a headache then.

I wish I had a robot that would do all my chores (and not turn into a psychopathic killer).

shakeysix
02-01-2009, 06:47 PM
okay--you have a robot who will do all your chores. it is a techno--miracle. a wonderfully efficient housekeeper, even programmed to cook simple meals and iron. it was last owned by a republican ceo who recently lost his job. the one glitch is that the robot has a tv monitor in its chest. this is tuned to constantly broadcast the fox news at full blast and you can never turn the volume down. ---s6--oh yeah--and every hour or two rush limbaugh stops by get his his talking points from the robot.

i wish rush limbaugh would fall off the edge of the earth

Komnena
02-01-2009, 09:25 PM
Granted. Rush falls off the edge of the earth and straight into your backyard.He likes your neighborhood so much he sets up a new studio there.
I wish Man vs wild was on now.

shakeysix
02-01-2009, 09:42 PM
rush is going to have a blast with my wetback neighbors. oh look. they are hanging a pinata--no wait. that's rush! now they are bringing in the fighting roosters, the jose cuervo, the accordions and the mariachi music! you don't need to wait for man vs. wild, k-nena, it's here!

i wish i had a fake migra suit and a bullhorn

Komnena
02-01-2009, 09:51 PM
Granted. Your fake suit is made out of seaweed and you have a pinata bullhorn. Your neighbors have just seen it. Better run now.
I wish I had a pair of snowshoes.

shakeysix
02-01-2009, 10:16 PM
you do--and a dog named fang. you are having a hell of a time lighting a fire, though--s6


wish my sophomores would take a field trip to the yukon

Komnena
02-01-2009, 10:32 PM
Granted. However, the school assigns you to go with them.
I wish I had a diamond as big as the Ritz.

cooeedownunder
02-01-2009, 11:41 PM
Granted. Your diamond is as big as the Ritz but some low life thief steels it while you sleep and sells it to the closest second hand shop for 1 million dollars.

I wish I had a boat.

slcboston
02-02-2009, 12:16 AM
Granted.

You are now the proud owner of a boat. Big enough for the bathtub, small enough to fit under your arm.

I wish I could do something about the ache in my shoulder

cooeedownunder
02-02-2009, 12:19 AM
Granted.

You are now the proud owner of a boat. Big enough for the bathtub, small enough to fit under your arm.

I wish I could do something about the ache in my shoulder

Granted. I have given you a massage and the ache in your should is gone, but then you fall over and break your leg.

I wish I had someone to cook me breakfast this morning.

slcboston
02-02-2009, 12:25 AM
Granted.

Someone prepares a wonderful meal for you, including all of your favorites. The actual cooking goes much less well than the preparation. They burn everything to a charred crisp. Even the juice.

I wish I knew a sure-fire remedy for a cold

cooeedownunder
02-02-2009, 12:28 AM
Granted.

I make you a lovely lemon and honey drink and tuck you into bed and pull the covers under your chin to keep you warm but your stomach reacts badly to the drink and you vomit everywhere.

I wish I had a house with full water views.

WittyWordsmith
02-02-2009, 12:53 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you live in a sewage treatment plant and are surrounded on all sides by floaters.

I wish I lived on 10 acres.

Komnena
02-02-2009, 12:55 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is in Galveston and mid-September 2008. Your full water view is courtesy of Ike.
I wish I could see Colorado again.

slcboston
02-02-2009, 12:55 AM
granted.

Sea levels rise and your house is no completely underwater. Nothing but water no matter which window you look out of.

I wish I had more hours in the day...

slcboston
02-02-2009, 12:57 AM
I wish I lived on 10 acres.

I wish I could see Colorado again.

Wow - triple posting. Might be some kind of record...

let's see...

Ok. Both of you get that 10 acres, to share, out in Colorado. That's the good news. Bad news is, neither of you has actual claim, and spend the rest of your lives locked in a struggle that makes the Hatfields and mcCoys look like a kindergarten playground fight.

I stand by my wish.

WittyWordsmith
02-02-2009, 12:57 AM
Granted, but all you can do is sleep, for you are Rip Van Winkle.

I wish I could travel Europe.

judy.s
02-02-2009, 12:58 AM
Granted, but you have to swim to get there

I wish I would win the lottery

WittyWordsmith
02-02-2009, 01:01 AM
Granted, unfortunately you invested in the stock market last year, and it's all gone now.



I wish my feet would warm up.

cooeedownunder
02-02-2009, 01:43 AM
Granted. you can now rest them near the fireplace. When a gush of wind comes through the window and sprays hot embers over you feet, you scream, you have second degree burns.

I wish I was really a wonder woman.

Komnena
02-02-2009, 03:35 AM
Granted. You now have to solve all the world's problems.
I wish I didn't have to share my Colorado acres.

alleycat
02-02-2009, 03:51 AM
Granted. The areas surrounding your property have all been sold for various uses: a tannery, an oil refinery, a landfill, and the worlds largest biker bar. Now no one else wants anything to do with your property.

I wish I could start this weekend all over.

Ms. Jem
02-02-2009, 04:07 AM
Granted. Rush falls off the edge of the earth and straight into your backyard.He likes your neighborhood so much he sets up a new studio there.
I wish Man vs wild was on now.

I LOVE that reality show!

(Did you see the one when he spent the night in the Everglades and got bit on his bum by the insects? He showed us where, too! :D)

Ms. Jem
02-02-2009, 04:16 AM
Granted. The areas surrounding your property have all been sold for various uses: a tannery, an oil refinery, a landfill, and the worlds largest biker bar. Now no one else wants anything to do with your property.

I wish I could start this weekend all over.

Ahem, back to business...

Granted, you start this weekend all over again. You sound like you need a good one, Alley, so here it is.

Oh, I'm supposed to say something bad so...your pesky cousin Eberhard surprises you with a visit. He brought his ant farm so you can have some fun too!

Nymtoc
02-03-2009, 10:54 AM
I wish Ms. Jem would make a wish. :D

alleycat
02-03-2009, 11:09 AM
Granted. Here's Ms. Jem's wish: I wish I had another eye.

I wish I had a remote for meals. Push 3, get a steak, push 18, pizza, etc.

cooeedownunder
02-03-2009, 11:15 AM
Granted. You have a remote that serves food, but it only serves food for Haggis :D

I wish I had a pool in the backyard.

Nymtoc
02-03-2009, 12:23 PM
I wish I had a pool in the backyard.

Granted.

You have a pool in the backyard. It is filled with toxic waste.

:ROFL:

I wish I could wreak revenge on all the agents who have rejected my work.

alleycat
02-03-2009, 02:03 PM
Granted. Send them more samples of your work to read.

;-)

I wish I was rich as Warren Buffett.

flyingtart
02-03-2009, 04:18 PM
Granted. Warren Buffett has been declared bankrupt!


I wish my son didn't spend so much.

alleycat
02-03-2009, 04:34 PM
Granted. You've been declared bankrupt.

I wish I had a car that got 400 miles per gallon.

Wayne K
02-03-2009, 08:23 PM
I wish I had a car that got 400 miles per gallon.


Granted. But now you've lost your license.

I wish I was in Dixie.

Ms. Jem
02-03-2009, 11:00 PM
Granted. You're in Dixie in the midst of the biggest turnout ever for Ron Couch's Possum 500. The crowd loves you cuz those critters move faster when you're whistling Dixie.


I hpoe Obama finds someone who pays taxes in an accurate and timely manner to round out his team.

Nymtoc
02-03-2009, 11:38 PM
I hpoe Obama finds someone who pays taxes in an accurate and timely manner to round out his team.

Since this appears to be a wish, it will be granted.

But since this event hasn't happened yet, the genie must place its fulfillment in the future.

Meanwhile, you will go to a restaurant for spaghetti and meatballs and forget to pay when you leave. Your mistake will be completely inadvertent, but you will not be believed, and your subsequent adventures with the police, the courts, the prison system and--incidentally--the IRS will be much more embarrassing than any experienced by Obama's nominees.

:D

I wish I could get rich quick.

Woof
02-04-2009, 12:34 AM
Granted. You have the ability to both time travel and to assume the identity of another human being. You travel back in time to the year 2007. You are filthy rich. You are also Bernard Madoff. Happy?


I wish that I could get over my chronic laziness and get on with my novel. (I really do!)

Komnena
02-04-2009, 12:46 AM
Granted. You find yourself compelled to work on your novel every free minute, including sleep time. Welcome to the world of insomniac world.
I wish everybody loved my writing.

WittyWordsmith
02-04-2009, 01:16 AM
Granted. Everyone loves your writing, unfortunately, you're dead. Like all the greats, you've joined the ranks of those who hit it big posthumously.



I wish I didn't have to go grocery shopping.

Komnena
02-04-2009, 04:41 AM
Granted. All grocery stores vanish. You must adapt to a hunter gatherer lifestyle.

I wish I had a Lipizzan.

Snowstorm
02-04-2009, 07:19 AM
Granted! You have a sweet little statue of one on top of your TV. Look! Its tail moves! Sorry about the droppings though.

I wish football season weren't over (the Pro Bowl doesn't count).

flyingtart
02-04-2009, 02:05 PM
Granted. Now you can hunt as many footballs as you like!


I wish there was no credit crunch.

alleycat
02-04-2009, 02:17 PM
Granted. At Guido's Easy Credit, your good name assure your loan. The rates are a little high at 100% per week, and their collection people have been known to break a few legs, but what does that matter when we're talking about your dream house.

I wish I had my dream house (and no, I don't need a loan from Guido).

poetinahat
02-04-2009, 02:24 PM
Granted, Mr. Kafka.

I wish I were of independent means.

alleycat
02-04-2009, 02:49 PM
Granted. Open a fruit stand. You'll be completely independent. No boss to report to, no interoffice memos, no meetings . . . just good fresh air and all the bananas you care to eat.


I wish things were different.

Nymtoc
02-04-2009, 03:02 PM
I wish things were different.

Granted.

Chocolate taste like vanilla. It's not Wednesday, it's Saturday. Luxembourg has taken over South America, and Sarah Palin is President of the United States.

The genie hopes you're happy.

:D

I wish I could play a xylophone on the street and have people give me contributions.

alleycat
02-04-2009, 04:08 PM
Granted. However, the Brotherhood of Mimes Union has filed a protest; you will also have to get a business license, file federal tax returns, pass certain city inspections, file state tax returns, files city tax returns, provide proof of insurance, set up a FICA account, join the musician's union, and pay various other fees. Let's see . . . your total comes to $92,031.08.

I wish I was an executive with a bailed-out bank so I could get a huge bonus, have use of the company jet, and take free trips to exotic locales.

Nymtoc
02-04-2009, 08:52 PM
I wish I was an executive with a bailed-out bank so I could get a huge bonus, have use of the company jet, and take free trips to exotic locales.

Granted.

However, as you return from one of those exotic locales, Federal agents are waiting to arrest you for tax evasion and you are carted off to jail. A slick lawyer manages to get you out on bail, but you are placed under house arrest with a bracelet on your ankle and are confined to your home until the date of your trial, which is many months away. (Sound familiar?)

:D

I wish I could live the past 20 years over again so that I could change a couple of things.

Snowstorm
02-04-2009, 10:08 PM
Granted. However, the things you change don't turn out the way you wanted and your situation twenty years later is even worse.

I wish the camera operators on HGTV wouldn't zoom in and out, move lef,t then right, twist the camera at all angles, all within a few seconds, making viewing the show an headache-inducing nightmare.

alleycat
02-04-2009, 10:15 PM
Granted. They all go back to making Playboy videos where they can zoom in and out and spin the model while spinning the camera all they want while the lighting flashes on and off and changes color.

I wish I had a switch where I could make it spring or summer or fall or winter anytime I wanted.

CheriVixen
02-05-2009, 12:16 AM
Granted. You have the switch but, due to faulty wiring, you do not have the power.

I wish ice damming on the roof was not a fact of life.

cooeedownunder
02-05-2009, 03:51 AM
Granted. Ice damming on your roof is no longer a fact but a great wind blew off you roof, leaving you roofless.

I wish I had a convertible to drive around.

Ms. Jem
02-05-2009, 04:20 AM
Granted. Your convertible is cool, man, real cool. You're in bobby socks and wearing your boyfriend's sweater - the one with the big C on the sleeve. All your friends jump in the back seat screaming, "Let's blow this popsicle stand!" You're back in the fifties.

I wish tomorrow was Friday - I'm soooo tired.

cooeedownunder
02-05-2009, 04:28 AM
Granted. When you wake up tomorrow it will be Friday, the very first Friday ever...you are caught between Heaven and Hell before the world is complete.

I wish I had costumes that did not collect sand when swimming at the beach.

Komnena
02-05-2009, 07:34 AM
Granted. You have one which collects coral here. Be careful, some of these can bite.
I wish I had my own UFO.

She_wulf
02-05-2009, 09:14 AM
Granted. Your very own UFO comes complete with boomerang guided homing device. It hits you on the head the next time you send it out for a test flight.

:)

I wish for my 2008 tax refund to be double the amount I expect.

Nymtoc
02-05-2009, 09:23 AM
:)

I wish for my 2008 tax refund to be double the amount I expect.

Granted.

However, since zero times two equals zero, you will merely receive a notice from the IRS stating that your refund is zero.

:poke:

I wish I had a house in the country.

cooeedownunder
02-05-2009, 09:26 AM
Granted.

However, since zero times two equals zero, you will merely receive a notice from the IRS stating that your refund is zero.

:poke:

I wish I had a house in the country.

Granted. You have a country house in Australia. You have no funds to be able to travel there and it rotts from no upkeep.

I would like a country house in Australia :D

Nymtoc
02-05-2009, 10:22 AM
I would like a country house in Australia :D

Granted.

You have a one-room house in the middle of the Great Victoria Desert. It is inhabited by monitor lizards and a family of wallabies and lacks a roof, but it would look nice if you fixed it up.
:ROFL:

I wish I knew who Homer really was.

flyingtart
02-05-2009, 01:22 PM
Granted. Now you have to read all of his poetry.


I wish it was warmer.

cooeedownunder
02-06-2009, 12:12 AM
Granted. There is a heatwave that descends on where you live, it is so hot you can not bare the heat and don't have airconditioning.

I wish the trees that block part of my view to the bay were not there.

Ms. Jem
02-06-2009, 12:14 AM
Granted, but I think we've seen this wish before haven't we? Well, I don't expect an answer to that question because all those who have wished before you have gone to their reward, Hell.

I wish I could eat a Ding Dong without feeling guilty. :D

Ms. Jem
02-06-2009, 12:18 AM
Granted. There is a heatwave that descends on where you live, it is so hot you can not bare the heat and don't have airconditioning.

I wish the trees that block part of my view to the bay were not there.

Sorry about that coo.

Granted, The trees are gone, the land is gone. Hope you have a life jacket handy.

I sitll wish I could eat a Ding Dong without feeling guilty.

Nymtoc
02-06-2009, 04:13 AM
I sitll wish I could eat a Ding Dong without feeling guilty.

Granted.

You can eat any number of Ding Dongs without feeling guilty after you have brain surgery that cuts the connections between the lizard brain and the higher human functions. In fact, a few hours from now you will be able to do absolutely anything without feeling guilty. The doctors are waiting for you in Operating Room 34. The attendants are coming for you now.

:roll:

I wish all the idiots would disappear from radio talk shows.

AshNova
02-06-2009, 08:01 AM
Granted. They've all moved on to MTV.

I wish I could find a fun job.

Komnena
02-06-2009, 04:14 PM
Granted. You get a job at the circus. Your job is to clean up after the elephants.
I wish I had a 75 % off coupon from Borders.

alleycat
02-06-2009, 04:20 PM
Granted. We'll even do better than that. Wear an oversized coat with a large secret pocket inside. Browse the bookstore and select whatever titles you'd like and place them in the secret compartment. 100% off! Uh, if some guy starts chasing you, run like hell. Remember, bail money was not part of your wish.

I wish they'd find a cure for the common cold (and the uncommon one as well).

shakeysix
02-06-2009, 04:38 PM
granted--there is now a cure for the common cold. and best news of all, it is a fairly short term cure--just 3 chemo-therapy treatments and a couple of quick doses of radiation. oh--and best news yet, there is a vaccine that is 46% effective when injected daily. and it is only 17.00$ a shot.

i wish that the common cold would go as extinct as the passenger pigeon

Nymtoc
02-06-2009, 05:15 PM
granted--there is now a cure for the common cold. and best news of all, it is a fairly short term cure--just 3 chemo-therapy treatments and a couple of quick doses of radiation. oh--and best news yet, there is a vaccine that is 46% effective when injected daily. and it is only 17.00$ a shot.

i wish that the common cold would go as extinct as the passenger pigeon

Granted.

However, the passenger pigeon's extinction is thought to have been mainly due to the disappearance of its habitat. Since the common cold's habitat is human beings, human beings will have to disappear, and there will be no more common cold. Is this what you had in mind?

:D

I wish people would stop making idiotic predictions about the end of the world.

alleycat
02-06-2009, 05:23 PM
Granted. The world will end at 8:46 AM on April 3rd, 2009 . . . so there will no longer be any need of predictions.

I wish I knew the secret.

cooeedownunder
02-07-2009, 12:00 AM
Granted. You know the secret about the mouse who could fly.

I wish I had a new video camera.

slcboston
02-07-2009, 12:06 AM
Granted.

You have a new camera. You can even figure out how it works. Tomorrow, however, that "special" video of yours will be leaked onto the internet. On the plus side, you're going to be a household name, and new entry in the Kama Sutra will be known as "the Coo" from that day forward.

I wish I'd slept in this morning.

cooeedownunder
02-07-2009, 12:47 AM
Granted. You slept right through the next 40 years. When you wake you have missed your entire life. Your daughter has married and had children, your parents no longer know you, and you missed out on lots of romps with the single women in the town

I wish I had not wished for a video camera. :D

Nymtoc
02-07-2009, 10:14 AM
I wish I had not wished for a video camera. :D

Granted.

You did not wish for a video camera, but you got one anyway, and everything happened exactly as slcboston said it would.

Sometimes we get things without wishing for them, you know.

:D

I wish I could organize my thoughts.

Ms. Jem
02-08-2009, 01:13 AM
Granted. Your thoughts are so organized that you plan down to the minute detail how your Valentine's Day is going to go. You can't help but tell your other half all the exciting things you have planned. She falls alseep on you somewhere between your instructions for the scheduled rise from the dinner table at 7:00 pm to the scheduled walk towards the bathroom at 7:05 pm for the scheduled dental floss procedure to be held promptly at 7:10pm.

I wish Farmer's Market was just down the road from my house.

Komnena
02-08-2009, 03:53 AM
Granted. The Farmer's Market is in your neighborhood. You are no longer able to park within a mile of your house on weekends. Customers trample your yard and you cannot grow anything in your yard.
I wish I had a camcorder.

cooeedownunder
02-08-2009, 05:26 AM
Granted. You have a camcorder, a magic camcorder that records and sends all your thoughts to the veiwer at the other end. Your erotic thoughts are plastered over the Internet and an emailed around the world. You are now infamous, all your friends know exactly what you think of them.

I wish I had clean windows.

Komnena
02-08-2009, 05:52 AM
Granted. They are so clean crows fly into them and break them.
I wish I had a bionic shoulder.

Ms. Jem
02-11-2009, 08:29 PM
Granted. Your bionic shoulder gets you through crowds in ten seconds flat. However, one day, you shove the wrong patron at a Biker convention, the guy with a grill on his teeth that rivals the metal spokes on his Harley. He like's your bionic shoulder, thinks it would look great on his front bumper. Oh, by the way, that wish didn't come with a warranty, and I don't just keep those shoulders laying around, you know. Why don't you just hang around until he gets tired of it?

I wish chocolate was calorie-free. That way I could eat, eat, eat!

Goodchild
02-11-2009, 09:40 PM
Granted. Chocolate is now calorie-free. You can now eat as much chocolate as you like! However, you gain an extremely high sensitvity to calories contained within every other foodstuff on the planet, effectively quadrupling the calorie amount of everything else you eat.

I wish I had my own (non-murderous) robot sidekick.

alleycat
02-11-2009, 09:45 PM
Granted. Here you go. Say hello to Tinmatron.

http://jakethecake.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/robot.jpg



I wish I hadn't eaten most of a box of Girl Scout cookie this morning.

Nymtoc
02-11-2009, 09:54 PM
I wish I hadn't eaten most of a box of Girl Scout cookie this morning.

Granted.

You didn't eat most of it. You only ate half of it. Unfortunately, the cookies were made with peanut butter from the plant in Georgia that has been found to be contaminated with salmonella. Your illness won't be fatal, but it sure as hell won't be pleasant.

:D

I wish I could come up with a really good plot that somebody hasn't come up with before.

Komnena
02-12-2009, 06:26 AM
Granted. You are given a very nice cemetery plot in a brand-new cemetery.

I wish I had a pet dolphin.

Snowstorm
02-12-2009, 07:19 AM
Granted! You keep your new pet in the bathtub, but it gets bored and flips its flippers and slaps its tail. The water flies everywhere, dripping down into the lower apartment, which just happens to house your landlord. Your landlord calls the wildlife authorities and they fine you $1,000 a day for harboring a wild creature in your home.

I wish the flu I caught would GO AWAY!

Ms. Jem
02-12-2009, 09:17 PM
Granted, the flu goes away. But the migraine headache you acquired finishing your WIP in record time is here to stay.

I wish Mr. Clean would knock on my front door with his entire cleaning crew. I don't want to mop another floor or dust another blind ever again!

Nymtoc
02-12-2009, 09:32 PM
I wish Mr. Clean would knock on my front door with his entire cleaning crew. I don't want to mop another floor or dust another blind ever again!

Granted.

But in today's economy, Mr. Clean has gone over to the dark side. (Not really a surprise--that skinhead look was always suspicious.) He and his crew are now a home-invasion crew, and as soon as you let them in they sweep through the house taking everything of value, except maybe your cat, assuming you have one. As a result you are left destitute. But hey, everybody's having a hard time now, right?
:ROFL:

I wish the workmen in the next apartment would stop all that hammering, because it's driving me nuts.

alleycat
02-12-2009, 10:02 PM
Granted. Those are actually burglars. They will soon break through the wall and then steal all your stuff. Hey, at least they'll stop hammering.

I wish it was easier to eat a healthy diet.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-12-2009, 10:21 PM
I wish it was easier to eat a healthy diet.

Granted. Calorie content quoted on all packaging that enters your house will henceforth merely be a suggestion.

I wish an email would drop into my hubby's inbox from the famous agent he's recently queried, letting him know that his novel's the best thing since "Silence of the Lambs".

Ms. Jem
02-12-2009, 10:30 PM
Granted. Healthy diet coming up. In the Outback, you've got all manner of protein; wallabies, grubs, you can even make yourself some fantastic Eucalyptus tea from the abundant forest around you. Why, you're one with nature now that you live in the forest. Gud day!

I wish I had my own forest and my own log cabin. I'd go live there and just write, write write!

Ms. Jem
02-12-2009, 10:38 PM
I wish an email would drop into my hubby's inbox from the famous agent he's recently queried, letting him know that his novel's the best thing since "Silence of the Lambs".

Granted, the famous agent email comes addressed to Thomas Harris, who actually wrote Silence of the Lambs. Some computer glitch got the email addresses switched. Better hurry - famous agent is expecting Harris' next blockbuster polished in three months. I'm sure your hubbie can pull it off.


Still wish I had my own forest and my own log cabin. I'd go live there and just write, write write!

TheRightEyedDeer
02-12-2009, 10:51 PM
Still wish I had my own forest and my own log cabin. I'd go live there and just write, write write!

Granted. A log cabin has been found for you in the Dark Forest. It comes complete with a family of skunks who have been living under the falling-down front porch for the last six generations, carpenter ants, bats in the eaves and a leaky metal roof. Happy writing!

I wish that today was Friday.

Goodchild
02-13-2009, 12:49 AM
Granted! It is now Friday. You have such a good time that Friday never ends. You are now stuck in a fourth-rate episode of the Twilight Zone.

I wish I could send my brain time travelling.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-13-2009, 02:44 AM
I wish I could send my brain time travelling.

Granted. You are now forever trapped in Black Books' historical fiction section.

I wish I was sprawled on a Bahamas beach.

cooeedownunder
02-13-2009, 03:29 AM
Granted. You are on the a Bahamas beach but the water has evaporated and it has turned into desert.

I wish I did not have to wash clothes today.

shakeysix
02-13-2009, 07:20 AM
granted. you don't have to wash clothes today, or any day. in fact, you have no clothes and never did. and your body isn't that great either. you are australia's oldest and most militant nudist, walking out across the outback to protest polyester. pity about the sunburn--s6

i wish my washing machine would do dishes too--s6

Goodchild
02-13-2009, 02:04 PM
Granted! Your washing machine can now also do dishes, as well. However, all food you eat off those dishes aways tastes like clothes.

I wish I could have my brain back ;)

alleycat
02-13-2009, 02:09 PM
Granted. Frankenstein has decided to use Igor's rather than yours anyway.

I wish I didn't have to go buy groceries this afternoon.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-13-2009, 03:36 PM
Granted. You've tripped over the cat and are now lying comatose on the kitchen floor. You won't be going anywhere for a while. Enjoy the rest. Muwahahaha. :)

I wish my boss wasn't such a scatterbrained bully.

cooeedownunder
02-14-2009, 12:34 AM
Granted. You boss is now a genius and has decided he no longer needs you. You now have to find a new job.

I wish I had a motorised pushbike.

Nymtoc
02-14-2009, 09:04 AM
I wish I had a motorised pushbike.

Granted.

It has a dandy little diesel motor, and except for the fact that the diesel stinks up your clothes and clings to your skin for weeks, you'll love it.
:e2bike2:


I wish I had lots of gold coins hidden in my mattress.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-14-2009, 04:44 PM
Granted. You awake after a restless night (those coins make things rather lumpy) to discover that the new financial standard is silver.

I wish every day was Saturday.

Nymtoc
02-14-2009, 10:14 PM
I wish every day was Saturday.

Granted.

And since Saturday is not a work day you're not earning anything. In a few months of Saturdays you'll be broke.

:D

I wish I were as smart as Einstein.

Goodchild
02-16-2009, 07:16 PM
Granted. You are now as smart as Einstein - the version of him played by Yahoo Serious in the film 'Young Einstein'.

I wish I had a hat that fires lasers.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-16-2009, 07:59 PM
Granted. You invented a top hat that randomly fires lasers. This morning, you fried a large swath of the living room carpet, hit a police man on your way to work and are currently incarcerated (sans hat) in the local jail.

I wish it was spring.

Nymtoc
02-16-2009, 09:41 PM
I wish it was spring.

Granted.

Of course this means you missed a month, and that month happened to be the one in which you would have won the lottery. Result: the weather is fine, the trees are blossoming, the robins are singing, and you missed out on $1,750,000.

:D

I wish I had nine lives, like a cat.