"Darlin', I Vant to be Alone": Writers and Solitude

[JAlpha]

There are days I feel like Gretta Garbo, "I want to be let alone" (a line from her Oscar winning movie, Grand Hotel). Though the commonly misquoted version has more added dramatic appeal, "Darlin’ I vant to be alone." http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoteDisappear.gif

The act of writing is a solitary activity. Yet, I often think of professional writers in the corporate world who have to hone and conduct their writing activities at the very same time they are required to maintain their interpersonal skills. Those are the days I tell myself I can do both. Then there are those days that I simply can’t write and communicate with other people. The simple truth is, I’m more productive when I isolate myself, though I can’t really explain why.

To date, I am by no means a total recluse, but I think I’m heading that way, and I’d like to know why, by way of the thoughts of other writers who have completely submitted to the tug of seclusion. But, by their very nature, reclusive writers aren’t readily available to tell us why they are reclusive http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/e2smack.gif .

So I was thinking, before some of us go by the way of J.D. Salinger, Harper Lee, Maurice Blanchot, or take the increasingly reclusive path of Willa Cather, can we put into words what it is about being a writer that causes us to seek isolation. Or is it the other way around? Are writers reclusive beings who turn to writing to nurture their reclusive natures? Hhmmmmm.

Or, are you a writer who doesn’t need isolation?

And what about this. . .

Emily Dickinson was thought to be reclusive, but she kept up voluminous correspondence with family, friends, mentors etc. Which got me to thinking about what role the internet might play in the life of a reclusive writer. Hhmmmm. Is a writer truly reclusive if they are staying connected to other writers, via a virtual water cooler? Hhmmmm.

All just food for thought and comment http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/e2shrug.gif

[Tilly]

I prefer solitude when I'm writing. When I'm thoroughly immersed, it's a bit like daydreaming, and I don't like intrusions.
Otherwise, I like company and I like meeting people.

[PastMidnight]

So I was thinking, before some of us go by the way of J.D. Salinger, Harper Lee, Maurice Blanchot, or take the increasingly reclusive path of Willa Cather, can we put into words what it is about being a writer that causes us to seek isolation. Or is it the other way around? Are writers reclusive beings who turn to writing to nurture their reclusive natures?

I think it is the latter in my case. I've never been very outgoing or talkative. I turned to writing at quite a young age as a way to get down those thoughts that I was too hesitant to share with other. I think that writing was also a way for me to put together scenes that would never happen in my real life, those "could've been" kind of scenes.

[SC Harrison]

While I get inspiration and ideas from many areas, including my interaction with other people, I must have solitude to adequately express those ideas in written form. The ideal situation (for me) would be the ability to shut off the world completely until the writing is done, and then flick a switch to turn it back on. I'm still working on this formula, but the world refuses to stay shut off when I want it to. :)


Is a writer truly reclusive if they are staying connected to other writers, via a virtual water cooler? Hhmmmm.



The neat thing about virtual relationships is you can control the amount of interaction you're involved in. Unless, of course, you find yourself too interested in what's going on and can't stay away.

[Avalon]

I'm very reclusive. I have a support group of sorts that I meet two or three times a week for an hour. Aside from that, I work at home (freelance) and I don't have a significant other, except for my dog. Some days I don't say a word. (I did have an outside career for many years, and I also trained martial arts diligently for many years, so it's not like I fell out of the sky all introverted and isolated-like).

I like it. :) It keeps me focused on getting my words every day, and any day that I get my words was a good day.

I do confess I've been trying to get out more, lately, mostly to get some new hands-on experiences I can turn into fiction-fodder. The other night I learned some country dances from circa 1650 and was permitted to touch two kinds of unspun wool to get a tactile sense of them. Oh, and I met a guy who sometimes doesn't know his right from his left, but always knows his port from his starboard.

[Spiritwriter]

" I often think of professional writers in the corporate world who have to hone and conduct their writing activities at the very same time they are required to maintain their interpersonal skills."

Corporate writers follow a journalistic path which forces them to be constant researchers and socializers. Although I love to write, corporate or business writing was not something I wanted to do. However, I was pressured into it because I could write. I passed up a big promotion (in charge of company magazines) when my soul absolutely screamed out - NO! I cannot waste my life doing something I dislike, even for the big $$.

I like complete solitude when I write. I do not consider lunch with friends, phonecalls, or answer the door. I frequently forget to eat or sleep when I write but I am blissfully happy.

[JAlpha]

" I like complete solitude when I write. I do not consider lunch with friends, phonecalls, or answer the door. I frequently forget to eat or sleep when I write but I am blissfully happy.

And so it begins, that is exactly the same sort of situation I am finding myself in currently. There seems to be a direct correlation to the size of the writing project I am working on and the amount of socializing I'm up for. The other day, one of my neighbor's called because she wanted to inform me that a child molester had moved into our neighborhood, and that's not the part of the phone call that surprised me. I was stunned when she said, "Sorry to bother you, I know you don't like to socialize in the winter, but I didn't think this could wait until spring." I didn't realize that my neighbors where already tracking my reclusive tendencies http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif


While I get inspiration and ideas from many areas, including my interaction with other people, I must have solitude to adequately express those ideas in written form. The ideal situation (for me) would be the ability to shut off the world completely until the writing is done, and then flick a switch to turn it back on. I'm still working on this formula, but the world refuses to stay shut off when I want it to. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

The neat thing about virtual relationships is you can control the amount of interaction you're involved in. Unless, of course, you find yourself too interested in what's going on and can't stay away.

I've already started to realize that very same Catch 22, of needing to be out of isolation to gather ideas, but then at the same time needing to be in isolation to flesh those ideas out. It creates a very odd tension for me, of trying to have it all. I've given up though on trying to turn the world on and off, and I've settled on slipping in and out of isolation as I need to.

Great point too about virtual relationships. I find I'm not as concerned with maintaining a constant presence with my virtual relationships. If I fail to call a face-to-face friend for weeks on end, they take offense; with on-line relationships there doesn't seem to be the same expectation.

I've never been very outgoing or talkative. I turned to writing at quite a young age as a way to get down those thoughts that I was too hesitant to share with other.

Now this I find fascinating, because I have had the exact opposite experience, I used to be very outgoing and talkative, but I turned to writing later in life as a way to get down those thoughts that I was tired of sharing with others verbally.

When I'm thoroughly immersed, it's a bit like daydreaming.

Full immersion into my writing creates the same for me as well, and I love that feeling!

[roach]

I'm pretty anti-social if left to my own devices. I have no problems with staying at home all day long, still in my pajamas, skipping meals and showers to write.

However, I share the house with my husband, sister, baby and two dogs. With a 22 month-old at home I don't get much in the way of solitude except on the weekends when my husband takes her to visit Grandma. So I've learned to get a lot of writing done with Charlotte underfoot. I've always been a multi-tasker so this isn't too difficult on my part.

That's not to say I don't look forward to the hours of 10 pm to 2 am when everyone else is in bed and I can get some major writing (or goofing off) done.

[JAlpha]

[QUOTE=roach]With a 22 month-old at home I don't get much in the way of solitude except on the weekends when my husband takes her to visit Grandma. So I've learned to get a lot of writing done with Charlotte underfoot.QUOTE]

Aha! You just hit on another possible source of my current craving for solitude. I am about to send the last of my three children off to college. Their ages span a mere three years apart TOTAL! So I had three underfoot at the same time. Which might be one of the major reasons I'm gravitating so strongly to solitude now--making up for lost time :D Enjoy your time with Charlotte, it only seems like a long time before she'll be grown, but from this side of the equation it was all over in a blink!

[Watermonkey]

I can vary. Most of the time I prefer to be alone or just with my dogs/cats as company when I write and I tend to shut out everything else. I sometimes listen to music but rarely even notice what's on. It's a good writing session when I get into this "zone" sort of. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Sometimes though, I can't get anything done when I'm in my solitude. I can then go to a busy restaurant or the room where my family and their friends are all being loud and talking and then I'll get alot written. It's almost like at these times I need that background noise.

Apart from that, I've never been super social so I'm perfectly content to have a little interaction with the rest of the world but don't immerse like many of my friends do. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteShrug.gif

[David McAfee]

I like solitude when I write, but when I am not writing I'm a very social person.

[reph]

I'm not reclusive. I work at home because, mostly, I don't want to commute and I don't want a full-time job.

[dante-x]

When writing I become a tad anti-social grouch, and simply don't want anyone intruding on me while I am at it. However, during these spurts of immersion I do need to step away from the isolation at times. I'll say I most definitely piss off my friends with my reclusive tendencies that pop up when I get inspired, but when I get writer's block, and I can't seem to get over it, I head out and do something else. It might be social like hitting a pub, or hours of walking and exploration.

[brokenfingers]

Wow, it's very interesting that you say that, as I believe I'm suffering the same dilemma.

Three years ago, I was never at home except to shower and sleep. I made a conscous decision to change my lifestyle to one less hectic and took up the idea to write a book.

Since then, I have gradually become an almost-recluse who can hardly be bothered to go out anymore. It's something I'm still shaking my head over and I feel writing has been the catalyst for this change in me. I often forget to eat and lose track of time also.

I myself have also wondered at this change in me and have only recently, with the help of a very close and dear friend, come to realize that I need to find a more healthy balance in my life.

This writing thing is quite a strange and difficult journey at times, but definitely one that I am glad to have embarked on.

The only thing I can guess as to why this happens is maybe the body and/or the mind is adapting to the situation and creating an environment conducive to thoughts, reflection, analysis, and creativity.

Or maybe we're all just losing it. ;)

[kikazaru]

It has been my experience that the less you do, the less you want to do and then the less you are able to do.

My normal tendency is to give in to inertia, however this results in my mind stagnating and I go a little nutty. I have found that I must do something everyday to get myself out of the house, or it simply becomes easier and easier to never leave - and then I find the strife of all the petty day to day stuff unbearable. This is extremely unfair to my family and friends and it really is much better to do as Brokenfingers suggests, and find a healthy balance between your need for solitude, and the wants and needs of your loved ones. If you do not, you will find yourself becoming increasingly resentful of them.

[crosseyed reader]

I'm very outgoing and love people - except when I'm writing. Then my fangs grow and I want complete solitude. I don't want the TV on, and I want my own space, which is fairly hard to do since my kids don't seem to understand this notion. On the other side of the coin, kids are only kids for a short time. Why bark? But that doesn't mean I don't utter a private snarl under my rabid breath.

[Jamesaritchie]

I love being alone, being a total recluse when writing. But I also understand the need to be around people. For years I've tried to go somewhere new, do something different, once a week. It doesn't have to be anything special, and it doesn't have to cost much or anything.

It's often as simple as looking though the paper, or the bulletin board at the library. Find a meeting, a dinner, a chili supper, an outdoor band in the summer, one you'd never normally go see. It's a Civil War reenactment, a politician's speech, and gathering of woodcarvers, anything and everything that gives you somewhere to go.

And the rest of the week I lock myself in my office and write.

And then there are times like this when I plan on being a recluse, and I have a busted flywheel, and when the flywheel finally gets fixed. I have a blown head gasket on the truck, and a burnt out clutch on the car.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

[JAlpha]

And then there are times like this when I plan on being a recluse, and I have a busted flywheel, and when the flywheel finally gets fixed. I have a blown head gasket on the truck, and a burnt out clutch on the car.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

You've just hit on something that I find is exactly what drives me into deeper seclusion sometimes. When things get hectic like that, and they always do seem to come in waves, as soon as things settle down, I slip into an even deeper seclusion, because I have this sense of looming chaos hanging over my head. Sort of like, I'm telling myself, "get to writing, while the writing is good, cause who knows when the next derailment in my momentum is going to occur."

I find your dedication to doing something different for yourself at least once a week very inspiring. It reminds me of the "artist dates" that Julia Cameron suggests in her book, The Artist's Way. I'm looking forward to giving that approach a try, but not until I finish the final revision on my WIP, because to do otherwise right now would be counterproductive. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed by the amount of concentration it takes to finish something that I've been working on for over two years.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, it sounds like you have found the right balance of seclusion vs. productivity.

[KAM]

I need to be alone to write. On my days off, I often find myself following my husband around the apartment with his lunch and his keys, saying, "Shouldn't you be leaving for work now? Please?"

Because I've always enjoyed being alone, sometimes I forget that I need social time too. I've just come out of a period of relative seclusion. I still had to leave the house to go to my part-time job, the gym, the grocery store, but otherwise I was perfectly happy to stay in my house and write and, occasionally, knit. A couple of weeks ago I noticed I was getting cranky and restless. It took me a while to figure out what was wrong, but I finally realized that I needed to get out of the house. I bought tickets to an author reading and made a dinner date and plans to visit out-of-town friends for a weekend. Voila! Life feels fun again. Now I can get back to work http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/tongue.gif.

[JAlpha]

I need to be alone to write. On my days off, I often find myself following my husband around the apartment with his lunch and his keys, saying, "Shouldn't you be leaving for work now? Please?"



At least you say, "Please" :ROFL:

Thank you for sharing your take on the topic of writer's seclusion. With each new post, I'm discovering how though we may seclude ourselves as writers we are doing so "collectively". Sort of makes me feel less secluded:)

[triceretops]

My gawd, I thought I was the only one. I haven't left the house in a year, except to smoke a cigg on the backyard porch. I am a total recluse, and drive myself to some really unrealisitc expectations. It seems lately that I'm trying to catch up on 15 years of hiatus, churning out a book every 2 1/2 months. I have two roomates, but ignore them and the TV now, except for an occasional block buster movie. I'm not stressed, but admit that I need a walk in the mountains or something. But I continue to hold that whip over myself. I suppose that when the first novel is bought that I'll finally let out that breath that I've been holding for 15 months. I have such a twisted need to succeed that all other matters are ignored or thrown on the back-burner. I don't know when it will end. Hopefully, I'll ALLOW myself a break, and finally say "here's for a job well done."

Tri

[rhymegirl]

Jalpha, this is a great thread topic.

I have a constant struggle between being alone and being with people. In many ways I am a people person; I love talking to people. When my kids were little, I read to them, told them my own stories, sang to them and played toys with them. There was always noise and laughter in my house.

Now that they're older, everybody goes off in the morning leaving me alone in a quiet house. I know that some people would love that and have no problem with it. As a writer I need to be able to concentrate and I do need some quiet. But sometimes it's just TOO quiet!

I don't know if it's a personality thing being a writer, craving solitude. I like to write but I have a hard time shutting out the world. I think it worked out better for me when I worked at a greeting card company as a writer because there were other people in the other cubicles to share a laugh with, share ideas with, etc.

But since I now work at home, the best solution is being an AW member. I am so thankful to have other writers to correspond with during my day.

[maestrowork]

I enjoy being by myself in a quiet environment (my home, a cabin, etc.) but not when I'm writing. When I'm working, I like to have people around me: coffee shops, restaurants, parks, book stores, etc. I hate being by myself when I work. And when I have to be alone, I find myself getting online and hanging out in AW... ;)

[JAlpha]

Jalpha, this is a great thread topic.

I have a constant struggle between being alone and being with people. In many ways I am a people person; I love talking to people. When my kids were little, I read to them, told them my own stories, sang to them and played toys with them. There was always noise and laughter in my house.

Now that they're older, everybody goes off in the morning leaving me alone in a quiet house. I know that some people would love that and have no problem with it. As a writer I need to be able to concentrate and I do need some quiet. But sometimes it's just TOO quiet!ideas with, etc.



Rhymegirl, if your screenname were not attached to your post, I could have sworn I wrote it. My experience has been exactly the same, except I'm not experiencing the TOO quiet angle.

What is happening though, is that when my family does gather around again, on say those weekends when the kids come home for a visit from college, suddenly the house seems TOO loud. It's just the contrast from being able to hear the refrigerator hum all week-long and then suddenly there are voices, and toilets flushing, and music & videos blaring, and remnants of snarky teenage voices http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Come Monday, when a friend calls and wants me to go out to lunch, my first response is, "Are you kidding, the house is finally quiet again, and I can concentrate on my work." Of course if my children where coming home from college for some quality one-on-one time with their parents, I would welcome the intrusion, but my husband and I are merely a pit stop, someplace to bring their dirty laundry, fill up on home cooked food, and empty out the snack cabinet.

Long term, I think I will strike a balance between seclusion and social interactions, as some of the other posters have shared. For now though, it might just be the phase of life I'm in, but solitude and single mindedly focusing on my writing continues to be my number one priority day after day.

[JAlpha]

My gawd, I thought I was the only one. I haven't left the house in a year, except to smoke a cigg on the backyard porch. I am a total recluse, and drive myself to some really unrealisitc expectations. It seems lately that I'm trying to catch up on 15 years of hiatus, churning out a book every 2 1/2 months. I have two roomates, but ignore them and the TV now, except for an occasional block buster movie. I'm not stressed, but admit that I need a walk in the mountains or something. But I continue to hold that whip over myself. I suppose that when the first novel is bought that I'll finally let out that breath that I've been holding for 15 months. I have such a twisted need to succeed that all other matters are ignored or thrown on the back-burner. I don't know when it will end. Hopefully, I'll ALLOW myself a break, and finally say "here's for a job well done."

Tri

I wonder, triceretops, about how "twisted" or "unrealistic" your expectations really are. Sometimes, I view my determination to succeed with my writing in the very same way, and then other times, I think that in such a competitive publishing environment maybe it's precisely what we need to be doing to succeed.

I've been listening to some of the personal profiles of the Olympic athletes. These people are driven! I think of say a young female skater, who gets up at 5 a.m. to practice, then puts in a full day of school only to practice for four more hours after school, and again for four hour stretches of time on the ice over the weekend. Isn't that very much the same sort of single minded seclusion a writer experiences. Is that really being "twisted" or "driven", and is there a difference :Shrug:

[scribbler1382]

I need to be alone (for the most part) during the act of writing, but I don't see how you can write about the world without being in it.

[PastMidnight]

I need to be alone (for the most part) during the act of writing, but I don't see how you can write about the world without being in it.

Agreed! Think of all the ideas to be found watching people waiting at the bus stop, eavesdropping on conversations at Starbucks, listening to all of the strange and embarrassing things that people talk about at parties.

[JAlpha]

Agreed! Think of all the ideas to be found watching people waiting at the bus stop, eavesdropping on conversations at Starbucks, listening to all of the strange and embarrassing things that people talk about at parties.

There is a part of me that concurs, but still, after having completed college, worked as a teacher in the public school system, traveling, being married, raising a family, and so on and so on, I do feel like I have a wealth of experience to draw from. And when you consider today's world-wide 24/7 news cycle, shock radio, reality TV, the internet (both archived and in real-time), the concept of being in solitude is hardly devoid of real-time external societal influences. It makes me wonder if the very nature of the word "solitude" may be morphing before our very eyes http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteWha.gif

And IMHO, the "fly on the wall" routine writers often adopt when they venture out in public, is still a solitary activity---not quite the same thing as face-to-face social interaction http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

It's truly a very perplexing topic, and I'm lovin' every single response. Keep em coming http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Jamesaritchie]

There is a part of me that concurs, but still, after having completed college, worked as a teacher in the public school system, traveling, being married, raising a family, and so on and so on, I do feel like I have a wealth of experience to draw from. And when you consider today's world-wide 24/7 news cycle, shock radio, reality TV, the internet (both archived and in real-time), the concept of being in solitude is hardly devoid of real-time external societal influences. It makes me wonder if the very nature of the word "solitude" may be morphing before our very eyes http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteWha.gif

And IMHO, the "fly on the wall" routine writers often adopt when they venture out in public, is still a solitary activity---not quite the same thing as face-to-face social interaction http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

It's truly a very perplexing topic, and I'm lovin' every single response. Keep em coming http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif



True enough, though for me real solitude means getting away from newspapers, the internet, and TV. And the only radio I listen to when writing is Old Time Radio http://www.otrnow.com/otrnow/

But, yeah, solitude is not really solidtue for most people. Not like it used to be.

And as Flannery O'Conner said, "Anyone who survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of his or her life."

Lot of truth in that.

[Avalon]

Connie Willis says (in an interview) that "everything you need to know about the world 'can be learned in a church choir'."

[reph]

I need to be alone (for the most part) during the act of writing, but I don't see how you can write about the world without being in it.
You can write, though. You might not be writing about the world, exactly. The example I'm thinking of is Samuel Beckett, whose material reads as if it came out of his mind without much need of experience.

[JAlpha]

True enough, though for me real solitude means getting away from newspapers, the internet, and TV. And the only radio I listen to when writing is Old Time Radio http://www.otrnow.com/otrnow/

But, yeah, solitude is not really solidtue for most people. Not like it used to be.

And as Flannery O'Conner said, "Anyone who survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of his or her life."

Lot of truth in that.

Amazing that you should mention Flannery O'Conner. Ever since I first visited her farm home in Milledgeville, GA late last spring, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the role solitude plays in a writer's life.

It was an eye opening experience to see the tiny confined space of her bedroom where she created her "body of work". Now mind you, she wasn't so much in solitude as she was in a state of infirmity because of her illness, only occasionally leaving her room to receive visitors in the adjacent parlour.

Her small wooden desk and typewriter were placed directly beside her bed; she didn't even need her crutches to "go to work" so to speak. Trust me, I'm not seeking that level of "solitude", but it did get me to thinking how much seclusion a writer needs sometimes to accomplish anything that even slightly resembles "a body of work".

And one can only imagine how different her story, A Good Man is Hard to Find, might have turned out if she had been watching the Bachelor on TV while she was writing http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gif Just sayin' :D

[PastMidnight]

It makes me wonder if the very nature of the word "solitude" may be morphing before our very eyes

This is an interesting thought. This is part of the reason that we don't have a mobile phone. It bothers me to know that I can always be found, even if I don't want to. Even shutting the phone off (when we did have one) didn't solve the problem, because everyone expected to be able to reach us and they were upset when they couldn't get through. I would hear things like, "Well, that's fine that you wanted to go for a walk by yourself, but why did you shut your phone off?"

[Cheryll]

I have been pondering this very thing.

I believe writers are a rather strange breed. Most of us require solitude in order to write, and yet we need to get out into the world and connect with the human race in order to write with truth.

Talk about a paradox.

Cheryll

[JAlpha]

I have been pondering this very thing.

I believe writers are a rather strange breed. Most of us require solitude in order to write, and yet we need to get out into the world and connect with the human race in order to write with truth.

Talk about a paradox.

Cheryll

Yep it certainly is a paradox, and what about this thought...have our perceptions of what constitutes too much solitude changed with our changing culture?

Do we find ourselves wondering about the mental health of too much solitude, where perhaps in more agrarian times--when there were less opportunities for interactions outside of extend family members--we viewed an acceptable amount of solitude differently?

Are we emotionally healthier now, because we have more opportunities for social interaction, or are we finding higher incidences of mental health problems, because we are experiencing an overload of social interactions?

Don't panic, Cheryll, I'm not throwing all those questions at you to answer, just pondering how complex this topic truly is.

[Cheryll]

Don't panic, Cheryll, I'm not throwing all those questions at you to answer, just pondering how complex this topic truly is.

Thank goodness! ;)

Very interesting thread and comments from everyone.

Cheryll

[goatpiper]

I describe myself as an 'extroverted recluse'. Most of my social life is had through my wife. We do stuff with our friends, she does stuff with her friends, and I've come to realize that I don't really have many of my own friends - especially since we moved from Massachusetts to Colorado. I don't have any friends that I don't share with my wife. I like getting into my own head and staying there. I like staying home (unless I'm going to a bar or snowboarding).

That said, I am quite the outgoing person once I'm hanging out with a group of people. I did study performing arts at one time in my life (college), and have the appropriate personality for it. I love the paradox of my personality - it gives me plenty to work with.

I wander a lot and listen, too. I walk my dog, and walk alone, hang out in coffee shops, go browsing in stores - I fully subscribe to the concept that one should be careful what one says or does in public - you never know when a writer is watching or listening.

I always spend most of my time at home, and I like it. I guess it's the old deal with me - 'wherever I am, that's where I'm at'.

And now...more coffee.

[JAlpha]

I describe myself as an 'extroverted recluse'.
And now...more coffee.

Goatpiper,

I did a quick Google search on your exact term "extroverted recluse", and found a fascinating article

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/books/2001845874_redpine29.html

about Porter Townsend, who under the pen name Red Pine, has become one of the foremost Chinese poetry and essay translators in the world. But, he is also a Buddhist monk and recluse who lives in Taiwan. The description of his monastic ways defies our perception of what a monastic lifestyle includes. Though he starts his day with morning meditations, he ends his day by watching episodes of The Simpsons http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gif


I can totally relate to your "extroverted recluse" label. When I'm teaching or conducting workshops, I'm extremely extroverted, very animated and out going. And, you should see me cut loose after-hours at writing conferences. But, once I get back home and start writing again, I start to become invisible again.

I've spent a great deal of my life as a visual artist too, and I never had any inclinations toward seclusion during that time, but once I started writing, the allure of secluding myself has grown stronger and stronger.

Thank you for sharing your experience as an "extroverted recluse", apparently we are not as alone in our seclusion as we think we are :D

[Jamesaritchie]

I've always thought a monk's cell would be the perfect place for a writer, (I believe Jerry Pournelle still does most of his writing in an isolated room he calls "The Monk's Cell.) and there are several such places around the country that will put a writer up for a week or a month. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, good cheese, and a quiet place to write. What more could anyone ask. . .except maybe a nearby convent with a couple of less than dedicated young nuns who like slipping out on weekends.

I grew up spending a lot of time alone, often out in the deep woods, and grew to love it. Then I read where writers such as Lawrence Block would go to a writer's colony for a month to work on a novel, or maybe to a hotel or motel, or rent a cabin somewhere.

The cabin appeals to me most of all, and I love spending a month or two in a cabin with none of the amenities, no neighbors within eye or earshot, and just writing. In good weather, I still load a backpack and go off into the woods for a night, a weekend, or a full week. Longer on occasion.

I can write at the library, or in a restaurant, though not in a bar. The kind of bars I've always liked tend to be redneck dives filled with rowdy drunks, fistfights, and the occasional knife. Writing doesn't seem to go over well in such places, though they're great for learning about people.

I like people, and I like talking, but I also love my solitude. I love true isolation, when writing. I love going a few weeks without once hearing another human voice, and spending time writing, walking in the woods, chopping and splitting wood, and just thinking.

I guess writers are a breed apart.

[scribbler1382]

Check this out for an eye opener. It's a little, tiny garden shed away from the house and some of the most popular stories ever written were all penned in here. Hard to believe.

http://www.roalddahlmuseum.org/discoverdahl/exploring/default.aspx

[Jamesaritchie]

Check this out for an eye opener. It's a little, tiny garden shed away from the house and some of the most popular stories ever written were all penned in here. Hard to believe.

http://www.roalddahlmuseum.org/discoverdahl/exploring/default.aspx

I've always been a huge fan of Dahl, but I'd never seen that hut. A wonderful website. Bug, dang, now I want to build me one just like it.

[Cheryll]

I like people, and I like talking, but I also love my solitude.

Yep. That describes me exactly.

My "social needs" seem to come in waves. I have several dear friends both local and long-distance, but we usually keep in touch by phone and email. We travel to one another's homes or meet up somewhere at least a couple of times a year, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

At home, I'm usually alone during the day Monday thru Friday. And I love it! I have always enjoyed being alone.

In the evenings, I have the hubster and son. I'm also a night owl, so I'm up late long after they've gone to bed.

I only work weekends, and I get a lot of social interaction as an RN seeing patients in their homes (I do home health). Talk about a wealth of material for a writer! BUT... come Sunday night, I'm ready to pull back into my shell a bit, so to speak. It's like I have this threshold of just so much interaction with others and that's it. Does that make sense? :tongue

Cheryll

[Steve 211]

Great Dahl site - I saw it featured on a documentary about him (still being shown at times on the Ovation Channel), and his daughters said that they never knew anyone who liked solitude so much.

Twain had his own gazebo for writing in Elmira, NY, where he wrote Huck Finn and Life on the Mississippi.

Anthony Storr wrote a book on solitude (if you'd like a heavy psychological view on it), but I like quotes from artists best:

I spend a lot of time by myself. You figure, Los Angeles, Henry Rollins, Saturday night, there must be at least nine naked teenagers in there. No – it’s Charlie Parker on the box, computer’s on, coffee.
- Henry Rollins

Being removed was what enabled me to hear. All those voices came back in a rush. I sat down to write, and the characters just talked to me. In fact, they were talking so fast I couldn’t get it all down.

- August Wilson

Most writers, in a sense, have this desire to disappear, to be absolutely anonymous, to be removed in some way. That comes out of the need to be a writer.

- Sam Shepard

If there is anything good about exile, it is that it teaches one humility. It accelerates one’s drift into isolation, an absolute perspective. Into the condition at which at all one is left with is oneself and one’s language, with nobody or nothing left in between. Exile brings you overnight where it would normally take a lifetime to go.

- Joseph Brodsky

I had to go inside. Like an actor does. I was no longer working at an office, and that permitted me to go deep.

- Toni Morrison

I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.

- Albert Einstein

As for me, utopia consists in a place where there is lots of culture and there are lots of people you love, all of whom disappear at the snap of your fingers so you can BROOD ALONE IN THE WILDERNESS, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

- T. Coraghessan Boyle

[Jamesaritchie]

Maybe this all explains why Walden is the book I've read more times than any other?

[JAlpha]

Frank 211, thank you for sharing those great quotes.


Speaking of writer's quotes, I once read a Kafka quote that really bugged me.

. . . writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself.

I don't know about Kafka's 'abyss', but my 'abyss' is warm and toasty! Seriously, I wouldn't seek solitude when I write, if it made me feel cold and lonely. It's quite the contrary, writing in solitude brings me comfort.

[scribbler1382]

Wonderful piece in Sunday's newspaper on writers, solitude and cafes. Check it out if you get a chance:

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1140824434670&call_pageid=1105528093962&col=1105528093790

[FolkloreFanatic]

I have to know people and meet people to write about people. I can write amidst people, yet I cannot write with people (meaning those I know).

[JAlpha]

Wonderful piece in Sunday's newspaper on writers, solitude and cafes. Check it out if you get a chance:

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1140824434670&call_pageid=1105528093962&col=1105528093790

That was a great piece, Scribbler. I loved the Hemingway anecdote about his writing being over for the day as soon as someone in the cafe talked to him :ROFL:

[pconsidine]

I don't like to write alone. I've always thought it was due to my coming from a big and noisy family, but too much solitude has the opposite effect on me. However, I do my best work in that particular sort of urban solitude, where there are millions of people around, but not one of them is interested in me. That's when I do my best work. It should come as no surprise that I haven't written nearly as much since I moved out of the city.

Dang.

[TwentyFour]

I write when my son is in another room, I can't write when someone else is here...it's just way too hard to concentrate. My son knows if I want to be alone and he will go play and not disturb me for hours.

My usual stint of writing is for 1000 words a day, when done right will only take 30 mins. to 2 hours.

I think if I became famous overnight from my novel, I would be the biggest recluse in my town! I love going out now, going to the movies, getting take out, driving for the fun of it...but if people were watching me, I would just be so annoyed.

[sunandshadow]

I'm an introvert whether I'm writing or not - if I weren't writing I'd be reading or drawing or painting or playing a videogame by myself instead. I like people, in kind of an abstract way, I just don't want to have to deal with them for more than a few hours a day.

[Carrie in PA]

I'm solitary when I write, I'm an extrovert when I'm not. I have a dedicated room for writing (and crafts), so I can go in and close the door and work. Otherwise, I'm running hither and yon interacting with all manner of people. :)

[TwentyFour]

I visit my friends, they don't visit me. Most are married to men who did not want or allow them to get a license, so if they want to see me, I have to drive.

I'm so glad I wised up and got my license and never let a man tell me what to do! I'd be so lonely if I never got out.

[PeeDee]

This is a really interesting thread. I see a lot of stuff I identify with, most of it all over the board.

I'm a very chatty and social person, I make friends quickly and easily. Always have. That said, the awkward bit comes when those people suddenly realize that the guy they enjoy being around...doesn't actually talk much and likes to be alone.

When I write, it doesn't matter what's up. I can write quietly at home, as I am now, when the house is empty and everything's silent. That said, I can write when my wife's in the room talking to me occasionally, I can write while my wife is watching TV in the background....I've written while sitting in Greyhound bus stations and airports.

When I've got all my words and thoughts going around, there's not a great deal which can actually distract me, except maybe a house fire.

The whole "butt in chair" thing isn't a big deal either, most of the time. I can write five hundred words, wander off and play video games, then come back and write another thousand without a big problem.

(The only time I did have a problem was toward the end of my last novel, when it was suddenly more interesting to hang around here than try to write a rough ending)

[cree]

I visit my friends, they don't visit me. Most are married to men who did not want or allow them to get a license...

I cannot imagine that. It makes me squirm. I just cannot fathom a relationship with my husband that did not allow me freedom, independence, and personal choice. And he doesn't have the choice whether or not to allow me that in the first place. :) My 11-year marriage would have been over in a week. I'm sure there's cultural or generational things at play that I don't understand, but wow.

As for solitude, I am a complete introvert. I've been called "aloof" and "stand-offish" by more than one person. I am completely at ease in my own company. The only thing I miss when I am completely alone is laughter and humor.

So, there's this place on the internet called AW I visit....:)

[Rivana]

I can write any time, any place as long as I have inspiration. When inspiration strikes I jut the thoughts down whether I'm at the airport, in a car, at home, at dinner somewhere, at school, at work...anytime, anyplace.
Solitude. Well, I'm a strange one. I basically don't have any friends, except this one girl that I talk and hang out with from time to time. We went to school together and hung out, but were never really close. However, as the years pass it grows harder and harder to meet new people to actually be friends with so we sort of cling together even though we don't really know each other that well or even connect very well. (We're a very odd friendship, more like friendly acquaintances.)
I can spend time in solitude without problem, not hear a voice or talk to a soul for days. Virtually no social life and still I'm actually a very social person given the right setting. To me it's always just been about meeting the wrong people, never connecting with kindred spirits or even those who could slightly relate to me. I've always just been too serious, too outspoken, too odd, too intelligent, too philosophical, too adventurous...well, you get what I'm trying to say. I actually like hanging out with people from time to time, but it seems the only way to get included on a friends list is to go party, and I don't do well with parties. Drunk people annoy me, immensely. Also I am sort of a loner, I like my solitude. When I want to be left alone I want to be left alone now and I don't care about anything or anyone but what I'm doing.
Basically -I'm sick of people not getting me.
Still, I can't cut myself off from humanity completely so I hang out with my one friend from time to time, I go to dance class and to yoga, used to sing in a choir, which I miss. From time to time I get active in some volunteer stuff or something. Know the term lonely in a crowd? That's me. And you have no idea how surprised people in school and stuff would be if they knew what I'm really like. *grins* What it comes down to? I'm too different and too distracted to develop friendships it seems. I talk about serious stuff, want to do crazy things, need my alone time, forget birthdays and holidays alltogether. When do I miss friends? When I want to do something requiring two people to have any fun. Too bad I can't seem to find people who fit with me. Oh well, maybe in the next life. Till it all falls together, at least I'll get a lot of reading and writing done.

Edit: Oh, and let's not forget -I'm a total ego-maniac. :D

[TwentyFour]

I cannot imagine that. It makes me squirm. I just cannot fathom a relationship with my husband that did not allow me freedom, independence, and personal choice. And he doesn't have the choice whether or not to allow me that in the first place. :) My 11-year marriage would have been over in a week. I'm sure there's cultural or generational things at play that I don't understand, but wow.

As for solitude, I am a complete introvert. I've been called "aloof" and "stand-offish" by more than one person. I am completely at ease in my own company. The only thing I miss when I am completely alone is laughter and humor.

So, there's this place on the internet called AW I visit....:)

I know one is older, her husband allows her to go anywhere, do anything, but she is the only one I seen who was able to do so. My man doesn't tell me what to do, but my other friends in their 20's are told what to do...where to do it....when to do it....and who to do it with! I hate it, I hate their husbands too. They (their men) feel if you are able to drive, go out to the store without your man, or make a statement for yourself...then you will teach their women that and they will cheat.

I don't get it, neither does anyone else, but you know what...its all about control and they cannot control me. I for one will do what I want and know what is right or wrong. I hate that about their husbands, but you know...their men would not act that way had they laid the law down before they got married!

[Ad Astra]

I am an introvert, but I wouldn't care if there was a wild party going on. I could still just as easily write. :P

[wrinkles]

I know one is older, her husband allows her to go anywhere, do anything, but she is the only one I seen who was able to do so. My man doesn't tell me what to do, but my other friends in their 20's are told what to do...where to do it....when to do it....and who to do it with! I hate it, I hate their husbands too. They (their men) feel if you are able to drive, go out to the store without your man, or make a statement for yourself...then you will teach their women that and they will cheat.

I don't get it, neither does anyone else, but you know what...its all about control and they cannot control me. I for one will do what I want and know what is right or wrong. I hate that about their husbands, but you know...their men would not act that way had they laid the law down before they got married!

O.K. I think I see what’s going on. It’s Saturday afternoon, you’re sitting around having some wine, you’re a southern fiction writer. So you decide to post in the voice of the protag of your current WIP, Lori Ann Maynard. Fair enough.

I’ll give you a crit. It’s not bad. Sounds pretty authentic. You’ve got the vernacular down (she is the only one I seen who was able to do so.) and (their men would not act that way had they laid the law down before they got married!)

It sounds good, but I have a basic problem with the premise. There are no working class southern women who don’t have their driver’s license. None. Not one. It goes against the NASCAR culture and it’s not financially feasible. With the low wages paid to blue collar workers, both men and women have to work to make a go of it. The only stay at home Moms are professionals, with professional husbands and there are darn few of those.

Hope this helps and I hope I haven’t been too harsh.

[DamaNegra]

With me it depends. (It always depends with me, doesn't it?) Sometimes, I seriously want to be left alone, but sometimes I am a social butterfly. Rules and absolutes never apply to me :D

[TwentyFour]

Actually, I'm talking about real life. At least 3/4 of the married women I know are not allowed to drive by their husbands. They are all housewives, we do have women who work, but nope, not my friends...we are all housewives and we raise our kids at home. My best friend had a job, but no license. When her husband came back home to her, she left work. My other friend worked at a large factory, but now she's a housewife. She drives, she is the only one who does..besides me.

[TwentyFour]

I thought everyone understood I was on the poor side of town?

[TrainofThought]

I am an introvert with humor and sarcasm getting me through the workday. I’m talkative with family and friends, but enjoy my solitude. I don’t let people get too close, so making friends doesn’t really work.

I need to write in the privacy of my home. I can’t focus when there is a lot of noise. There isn’t a set place I write at home but I sometimes move from living room to the bedroom to get the blood flowing. This is what I call a change of scenery.

[Richard White]

I guess I'm completely different than most of the people on this board. Even when I'm writing, I prefer having people around. (My wife is sitting next to me knitting as I'm working on some edits for my novel.)

Perhaps I'm more gregarious than the usual author, but I LOVE being among people. I feed off of the energy from a SF/F convention where I've just been on eleven panels over the weekend (Archon -STL) and turn that into enthusiasm to get back to writing and produce even more stuff. I do a lot of networking, both at shows and otherwise, talking to editors and other writers to find out about upcoming anthologies that I might want to submit something too, see what the market looks like for a specific book or else simply contact and congratulate someone for their latest successes.

Plus, I'm a tech writer at work. I have to meet and greet with the computer scientists/engineers/analysts I work with and keep on top of what they're doing and what new is coming down the pike to see if I'm going to have to turn something in ahead of deadline because X or Y is going to be needed soon.

I try to establish a good balance between my writing, my regular job and my family time. They understand when I need to get off by myself to work through a problem on a story, but I don't shut them out of my writing life.

Then again, being an extroverted writer IS a bit of an anomaly.

[sanctuary6284]

I like having people around. Honestly. I need the subtle distraction to focus.

That said, I can't write if those people are making constant demands on my time while writing. The interuptions break my concentration.

[TwentyFour]

I know a girl who can write, chat on yahoo, blog, and answer emails all at one time. I cant have the internet going at all when I write. The tv is bad enough! Stephen King was right, turn it all off and close the curtains.

[Tienci]

I'm an introvert whether I'm writing or not - if I weren't writing I'd be reading or drawing or painting or playing a videogame by myself instead. I like people, in kind of an abstract way, I just don't want to have to deal with them for more than a few hours a day.

That's me right there.

[PeeDee]

I think People should talk more. They need to, it's a good distraction. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?"

[Gary]

Most of my youth was spent as an only child on a farm without electricity or running water, and of course there was no television. Being alone didn't bother me and probably contributed to my ability to create stories in my head. I learned from nature and books and though I'm far from anti-social, I don't need people around me to be happy.

Until I read this thread, I didn't realize that the only productive writing I do is when my wife is gone and the dogs and I have the house to ourselves. I can write for 10-15 hours straight as long as I have a pot of coffee and the radio tuned to an oldies station. When she is home, I just putter at the keyboard, no matter how hard I try to be productive.

[DragonHeart]

I'm about as reclusive as it's possible to be while still having a full-time retail job. I barely even talk to my coworkers beyond finding out what needs to be done for the night and when break times are. I only talk to customers if they ask me something or in the rare event that I'm at the front register. I have one friend I've kept in touch with after graduating high school (mainly because we work at the same store), and I very rarely go anywhere except work and back.

I just don't like being around other people. I'm very awkward in social situations and become very nervous. I can't say that I enjoy being introverted to such a high degree, but it does give me a lot of time to write. I can't get anything done with distractions of any type, expecially noise. Since I work nights, I'm home when my mom and her boyfriend are working, so that easily frees up six hours or so for writing, if I'm in the mood. I also stay up much later, usually two or three a.m., and that's an even better time to write. No cars, sirens, trains, or neighbor's dogs around to distract me.

It does get kind of lonely, though.

~DragonHeart~