(V.O.)

[DrRita]

Hey guys,

Got my pick out and I'm needin' to pick a few brains. I have a scene where the m/c is being held captive and is alone. He is working on the problem of how to get the best of his captor so he can escape. Now I want to do something in dialogue but I hate the thought of this guy talking outloud to himself. I am thinking voice over but will that be too boring? Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions. ;)
Thanks

[maestrowork]

IHMO... thinking is boring. Just show the hero looking at the captors (let the actor act out the "thinking" part) then just show what he does. Instead of:

MAX (V.O.)
I'm going to kick his butt...

Just show me:

Max thinks intensely for a moment. He slowly gets up.... blah blah... he kicks the guy's butt.

[xhouseboy]

Hey guys,

Got my pick out and I'm needin' to pick a few brains. I have a scene where the m/c is being held captive and is alone. He is working on the problem of how to get the best of his captor so he can escape. Now I want to do something in dialogue but I hate the thought of this guy talking outloud to himself. I am thinking voice over but will that be too boring? Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif
Thanks

Just a suggestion that might keep it interesting and still stay with the visuals, maybe even lending a lightness of touch to the sequence.

Your idea may even have the potential to be a scenario where V/O could be used to enhance the visuals, rather than detract from them.

Your M/C is thinking about his captor's routine (V/O) as minimally as possible.
Cue a sequence of his visual thoughts as to how two or three different escape ploys might play out, this preceded by a brief line of V/O. He comes in every day and stands by the door, what if....? Each brief sequence would then play out visually, and perhaps miserably fail...or succeed, depending on how you see the story playing out. You also then tease an audience, who are anticipating his real-time break for freedom.

Just some quick thoughts.

[dpaterso]

I'd rather watch a silent action sequence than hear a boring V.O. or a talks-to-himself crutch. Film is a visual medium, after all. Shrug, just a thought.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[xhouseboy]

I'd rather watch a silent action sequence than hear a boring V.O.
-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

Me too. But Goodfellas and Casino are probably two of the best examples of how to apply V/O in the correct way. If handled right, I love it.

Joe Pesci stating that he had a plan on how to take the bookies in Vegas.

De Niro responding that his plan was to collect if he won, tell them to go f**k themselves if he didn't.

Two contrasting V/O's playing out with the visuals to support. Genius.

[dpaterso]

Point taken, tho' Rita didn't say anything about wiseguys or a casino. :)

I think V.O. is one of these things, if you have to ask questions about it, maybe you shouldn't use it.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[DrRita]

Thanks guys! You've given me some food for thought and some inspiration too. Yeah, V/O can be boring and since it would be more of a gimmick in this particular script since I haven't used it before this scene, I'm inclined to think twice about using it. The guy is actually trying to figure out why his captor hasn't killed him yet. And what it is he wants from him. There is a reoccuring dream that is woven through the plot so I may be able to tie into that somehow. HMMMMM. More brainstorming.
http://bestsmileys.com/storms/7.gif

[Randomness]

Well, I don't much about this, but i thought V.O's would work nicely if you started them from the beginning. Like have the character do a narrartion in the beginning about "his life". Then in this particular scene, you could have him talking in V.O about his thoughts at the time.

[DrRita]

Randomness,
I think you're right about having to use V.O. from the beginning. It would be too much of a "hat trick" if it were used in the middle. Thanks.

[IHeartWriting]

Okay, maybe I've got MacGyver on the brain because of that Super Bowl commercial, but wasn't a VO used in that when he needed to escape? Of course, since I haven't seen an episode in 15 or 20 years, my memory may be faulty. But hey, you could always rip off the MasterCard "priceless" commercials...

[scripter1]

I think VO tend to work best when they are scattered through out the whole film. When they are neatly woven into the very fabric of the story.

It would feel kind of odd to just suddenly have VO section pop up out of no where.

Rita, I would suggest that you really delve into the story more and all the actions/behaviors going on with your characters. There could be lots of ways for you to set up a bunch of scenes that build up and convey the information you need.

Maybe you don't want it to be just one scene where the decision has to happen. It can be given to us one little detail at a time and then it all kind of gets pulled together in one scene.
He tries something, it doesn't work, gets caught, gets punished for it.
So, he does something else.
The protag does something, the antag reacts.
The protage responds, the antage reacts.
Create that tug of war between the two of them.

What visual clues can you give us that the audience can maybe start concocting thier own plan. We'll work it through in our minds, thinking our thoughts, hearing our OWN VO (with out you having to have it come out the speakers) and then you can show us his several attempts.
So, maybe there is a pole over there, and some jugs, or cans, or a box of tools. Show us those things.

[nganok]

Hey guys,

Got my pick out and I'm needin' to pick a few brains. I have a scene where the m/c is being held captive and is alone. He is working on the problem of how to get the best of his captor so he can escape. Now I want to do something in dialogue but I hate the thought of this guy talking outloud to himself. I am thinking voice over but will that be too boring? Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions. ;)
Thanks


Sounds like a Rambo or Rocky montage, guy. Just about every spy or action flick has one. Creatively get your person to pieace together actions that spell out his thoughts. I agree with D. please NO CHEESY VOs. Believe me- Ive been down that road and it ends in disaster.

[DrRita]

Thanks so much for the input. I think between the comments from last nights table read and the comments here, I'm able to contemplate some alternatives.

I think VO tend to work best when they are scattered through out the whole film. When they are neatly woven into the very fabric of the story.
It would feel kind of odd to just suddenly have VO section pop up out of no where.

Rita, I would suggest that you really delve into the story more and all the actions/behaviors going on with your characters. There could be lots of ways for you to set up a bunch of scenes that build up and convey the information you need.
I totally agree. I took the pages i have completed to my table read (screenwriters group) last night and they agreed that V/O isn't the best option.

Maybe you don't want it to be just one scene where the decision has to happen. It can be given to us one little detail at a time and then it all kind of gets pulled together in one scene.
He tries something, it doesn't work, gets caught, gets punished for it.
So, he does something else.
The protag does something, the antag reacts.
The protage responds, the antage reacts.
Create that tug of war between the two of them.
There is some of that but maybe I just need to build it a bit more.

What visual clues can you give us that the audience can maybe start concocting thier own plan. We'll work it through in our minds, thinking our thoughts, hearing our OWN VO (with out you having to have it come out the speakers) and then you can show us his several attempts.
So, maybe there is a pole over there, and some jugs, or cans, or a box of tools. Show us those things.
I do have to tell you that my protag is being held in a crypt. There aren't any props. Only cold granite and a skeleton. Hmmmm. Must think more creatively!

Sounds like a Rambo or Rocky montage, guy. Just about every spy or action flick has one. Creatively get your person to pieace together actions that spell out his thoughts. I agree with D. please NO CHEESY VOs. Believe me- Ive been down that road and it ends in disaster.
Okay, okay . . . not cheezy VO. He's not really either a Rambo or a Rocky. He's actually a mortician. He's trying to psyco analyze him and figure out what psycological trick may work on him. The protag is about half the size of the antog. so he has to trick him somehow.

[dpaterso]

Random thoughts:

A mortician, hmm. Made me ponder what skills he'd have, i.e. what's one of the first things a mortician would do with a corpse.

A crypt. With a granite lid? Can the lid be moved? Levered into place elsewhere? Rigged to fall?

A skeleton. How old, how brittle? Made me recall an article I'd read about animal remains anthropologists found in Africa, whose skulls had been crushed. The identical impact holes puzzled them, until they looked at the size and shape of antelope thigh bones, one of Man's earliest and most effective hunting tools.

There's fun to be had here, depending on how desperate your protag is . Or not, shrug. :)

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[DrRita]

Derek,
I was thinking about the bones too. The corpse is around thirty years old. The crypt is one of those walk-in type, a small room with the granite slab/table in the middle where the skeleton is laid out. The "door" is granite and slides (more or less) but is too heavy for the protag, besides it can't really be moved from the inside. The antag is a huge guy and able to move it.

Yeah, a bit of brain munching and I can begin to see some possibilities. Thanks for the feedback.

[scripter1]

I would keep brainstorming all kinds of different things that could be in there.
Is there jewelery on the body? Clothing shreds? Flower vases or stands?

Hmm, what kind of strange hobbies or interests could the protag have that would be twisted or modified to help him in this situation?

Brainstorm it and then write it out and see what you can get to work.

I don't know, you could have him sing the bone song. "The neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone. The shoulder bones connected to the arm bone. Let's connect the arm bone to the cript door so it crushes the A$$holes head bone which is connected to his spinal bone." te he.

[DrRita]

I don't know, you could have him sing the bone song. "The neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone. The shoulder bones connected to the arm bone. Let's connect the arm bone to the cript door so it crushes the A$$holes head bone which is connected to his spinal bone." te he.

:roll: Love it!! I can hear him singing now.

[dpaterso]

I was also thinking, re my mortician skill comment, that he knows how to drain a corpse, i.e. exactly where to insert the drainage hose needle. A sharp piece of bone thrust into exactly the right place could do wicked damage.

scripter, 1 point deducted for facetiousness. And if I happened to spell that right, I'll be a happy man.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[scripter1]

no happiness for you.

The word is spelled factiousness.

You added in an e.

[dpaterso]

It's a minefield. Watch where you tread. :)

facetious adj. intending or intended to be amusing, esp. inappropriately. facetiously adv. [Latin facetia jest]

factious adj. of, characterized by, or inclined to faction. [Latin: related to faction]

factitious adj. 1 specially contrived. 2 artificial. [Latin: related to fact]

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[scripter1]

BOOM!!!


crap, there goes my right leg.



There it is, e and all right there, the very first word under the big, bold F.



I need to get some serious sleep.