First Sentences

[zeprosnepsid]

I remember when I did Nanowrimo a few years back someone started a thread like this and I always thought it was fun.

So, tell us, tease us -- what's the first sentence of your WIP?

[SusanR]

From BONE SEASON

"Shelly Kahn, Chief Medical Examiner for Albany County, New York, knelt at the bottom of a three-foot utility trench, feeling the press of living eyes behind her, and the empty-eyed stare of the human skull in front."

SusanR

[Sage]

From Jian's story:

Kyoko ran ahead of Amarynthia to check the bright purple flowers out.



From Euterpe (or Euniq):

"That was stupid!" Euterpe scolded herself as she plummeted towards the ground.

[Perks]

There is very little peace for a man with a body buried in his backyard.

[DamaNegra]

Checking around to see that no one was looking, the mother left the bundle carrying her newborn on the middle of a street.

[zeprosnepsid]

I suppose I should also post mine!

"She was the kind of girl who could not write anything without getting ink all over herself."

[tiny]

I was nearly twenty when I stood in the line of dead stretching from the hazy valley to the mountain pass above.

[underthecity]

Not a WIP. My new book comes out December 12.

Here's the first line:

Clang Clang! Fifth and Vine, Fountain Square, use the center door, please.

allen

[maestrowork]

My new book comes out in February:

Betrayal makes us do strange things.

[KTC]

The summer of '83 began with Jeff Barsell burning the Henderson barn to the ground.

[KimJo]

Mine isn't all that fascinating but I'm in a posting mood today:

When I woke up, I was already smiling.

[Garpy]

At a distance it had looked like a tangled ball of fishing net and seaweed. (A Thousand Suns, due out May)

[Dhewco]

Here's mine, from an alternative history novel about King Edward V (one of the princes in the tower):

Edward winced, the smell of the gun powder assaulting the fourteen-year-old King’s senses.

[Ardellis]

I have 2 WIPs going at the moment:

1) She was, in a word, amazing.

2) Something was amiss.

[fallenangelwriter]

"I don't share my thoguhts easily, or often."

[cwilliard]

Not my WIP but from the novel I'm trying to get published:

“You f****d up Joe. I’m sorry.” As Benny Selmano looked down at his friend lying dead on the floor, he was filled with a mixture of relief and regret.

[James D. Macdonald]

As Benny Selmano looked down at his friend lying dead on the floor, he was filled with a mixture of relief and regret.

Cut that sentence. It's an awsome example of telling-not-showing.

[cwilliard]

Done. It's cut.

[NeuroFizz]

From my newest. Sorry, but here are the first three. The first one, by itself, wouldn't be worth putting in here.

My name is Agnes Hahn. I’m a serial killer, emasculator of men. And I’m not.

[zornhau]

Done. It's cut.

Great. So now what's your first sentence?

I can't tell you what my first sentence is, because I intend to write it last!

[goatpiper]

Seth Reck hadn't picked the best time of night to kill himself.

[Kasey Mackenzie]

Current WIP (urban fantasy), Reborn in Fire.:

"I died for the first time that night."

[cwilliard]

Great. So now what's your first sentence?

I can't tell you what my first sentence is, because I intend to write it last!

Its now just the dialog; "You f****d up Joe. I'm sorry."

[scarletpeaches]

I'm concentrating more on poetry at the moment. The last one I wrote was called "He Looks Like A Psychotic Librarian" and the first line was "His small eyes, behind coke bottle glasses."

[FolkloreFanatic]

From Neverwhere:

Everything about their final victim that night was wrong.

From Bad Apples:

There is no defining picture of what transpired during the maelstrom that marked the final days of Terry Blackburn’s existence.

From The Court of Miracles:

He is still beside her when she wakes.

From Stars Over Camelot:

They called it the Lightning Tree.

[jules]

The War for Eden:
Mike Lantz was watching when Discoverer arrived at her destination.


Haven:
Lord Camlik stood slowly, his eyes locked firmly on those of Lord Abnel, High Lord of the Mormiken Empire, ruler of Eastern Vanoria.

Haven II:
High Lord Camlik looked over the faces of the Lords' Council with contempt.

[Gabriele]

Cailthearn stood amidst the carnage.
(Storm over Hadrian's Wall)

"I'm not selling you a book, filthy barbarian."
(Endangered Frontiers)

A glint of light caught Alastair O'Duibhne's attention.
(Kings and Rebels)

[NeuroFizz]

From my work-in-progress:

The barrel of the Tech 9 tasted like oil.

[brokenfingers]

I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I just gagged and shot the bastard.

[ANNIE]

first line to FALLEN

It was midnight and I hadn't killed anyone yet today.

[Bufty]

Grape and Barley don't Mix:

Thursday didn’t start right at all.

[CaelinPaul]

Not very original I know but here is my recent start:

Rain burst forth from the heaven in torrents.

[Gabriele]

I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I just gagged and shot the bastard.


:ROFL: :banana: :ROFL: :banana: :ROFL:

[My-Immortal]

I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I just gagged and shot the bastard.

But do you really need to gag someone if you're going to shoot them?

"I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I shot the bastard."

Or...

I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I shot the bastard while he was taking a shower. I dumped his body in the back of my limo where the tension heater dried him off."

:)

Take care all -

[Gabriele]

We're such an evil bunch of pathetic little wannabe writers. :ROFL:

[Writer2011]

Here's mine--soon to come on the posts.

"You have to help me," Bennie Morris said in a hoarse whisper as he fell over.

[My-Immortal]

We're such an evil bunch of pathetic little wannabe writers. :ROFL:

Is that the first line of your WIP...? :) I like it!

[Gabriele]

Yep, a thriller about a group of unpublished or regularly published writers who plot to kill all those PA published creators of future bestsellers by writing better than them. ;)

[live4today]

Fun thread! From the prologue to Journey to Tomorrow

The young girl raced out into the night, nightgown whipping about her legs, but she barely noticed the storm as it lashed its fury around her.

[britlitfantw]

Choice

Gina skidded to a halt at the top of the stairs and peered over the railing.

Believe It

I slammed my locker shut, stretched my arms above my head luxuriously, and placed my yearbook under one arm. <--- not as great, but hey, I'm working on it ;)

[SeanDSchaffer]

I just looked at mine, and I'm going to have to change it now. I don't like it one bit.

Nevertheless, I'll post it:


Wuhrvia, Draft 3:

"Commander!" the Captain shouted from his post aboard the ship nearest his. "Commander, don't give up--"

Looking at it now, I see that I could probably cut that entire part out in Draft 4 and start somewhere in the next paragraph.

So when I write Draft 4, I'll probably start with the following:

"The Command Ship gave up, forming a fireball that lit up the sky like a miniature star."

I really do think the above sentence would be much more appropriate for the story I'm telling, than the first example.


Cool thread!

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

[blisswriter]

WIP 1: (chick lit)

Kiki called just as I was getting out of the tub this morning.


WIP 2: (erotic thriller)

Some folks' lives go in a straight line--from point A to point Z--without too much fuss; maybe a few bumpy roads here and there.

[triceretops]

Mason Hart knew he had an obligation to cram some decent groceries down his neck, but for right now the golden arches would have to do.

From my fantasy novel Felicitus Fortune.

Tri

[vipersmile]

The darkness was young enough for all of us to consider death was on its way again.


From the yet untitled vampire novel.

[Ken Schneider]

I don't know that this one will stay, but for the moment...

Was it the old magic that made it happen, or was it new love, or both?

[Maryn]

I'm less than enthralled with this, but hey, it's only the first draft:

(Title-free thriller)
Ted would laugh at this, I told myself as I finally wrenched my keys from my coat pocket.

If he wasn’t dying.

(and from Bricks, which is erotica)
We’re strictly jeans and T-shirt people, which made my transformation all the more amazing.

Maryn, who hasn't written in two whole days

[PeeDee]

From my web-series-story that I'm currently trying to wrap my head around properly, the first line:

From episode 1, "The Killer and the Faerie"

The man came into the room like smoke, fast and silent and strong-smelling.

[aghast]

The world was asleep when David Moore shot her mother, fifteen times.

[PeeDee]

When David Moore shot the world's mother?

(I think you're probably going to explain who precisely "her" is in the process of the rest of the story, probably the rest of this page for that matter, but all by itself, the sentence seems to indicate that Mr. Moore did, in fact, shoot the world's mother.)

(I will go be fecicious...fisicious....fee-see-shous....somewhere else.)

(How the halibut do you spell that word?

[Kasey Mackenzie]

(I will go be fecicious...fisicious....fee-see-shous....somewhere else.)

(How the halibut do you spell that word?

Assuming you weren't being facetious just now, it's spelled f-a-c-e-t-i-o-u-s. =)

[PeeDee]

I wasn't, I was being a T-W-I-T... :) (thankyew)

[embley]

(as yet untitled short story)

I pushed, like the doctor told me to, and strained and heaved.

[Tienci]

"Look, be careful with her all right?" Nod tried to ignore her muffled protests as his two friends brought her in, laying her down at his feet.

[Niesta]

The scariest thing about me is that I remember the day I was born.

(I'm probably going to change it, though. For some reason, everyone who reads it is bothered by the word "scariest". Personally, I like the word a lot, since there are many reasons the protagonist might be considered scary... but they don't come up until later, and this just seems too random to my readers, or something.)

[Jo]

*redacted*

[SpookyWriter]

She bleed for the first time today, but it would be the last if she

[tiny]

I couldn't find six ounces of super glue, so I just gagged and shot the bastard.


Always with the wise cracks.

[My-Immortal]

The scariest thing about me is that I remember the day I was born.

(I'm probably going to change it, though. For some reason, everyone who reads it is bothered by the word "scariest". Personally, I like the word a lot, since there are many reasons the protagonist might be considered scary... but they don't come up until later, and this just seems too random to my readers, or something.)

I don't know anything about your story or your character so perhaps I'm way off with this - but if your protagonist IS a scary person then you might want to change it slightly to:

The least scariest thing about me is that I remember the day I was born.

That way - the reader is stunned by what you wrote and then they realize they've only learned the "least" scariest thing so far about the character...hinting at scarier things to come.

Sorry if that wasn't what you intended...

Take care all -

[danielmc]

MSS 1 - The Church was corrupt beyond redemption and ripe for a revolution.


WIP - Midday is on its way, but killing time has been put on hold.

[kmm8n]

great thread...here's mine


The woman rifled through the drawers of the desk, using only a penlight for illumination.

[scribbler1382]

The woman rifled through the drawers of the desk, using only a penlight for illumination.

Unless she's got an itchy ear, it's probably obvious what the penlight is for. :)

And just to be totally rude, here's how I'd change it:

The woman rifled through the desk drawers, a penlight held between her veneered teeth.

[Shadow_Ferret]

The traffic that morning was at a near standstill.

[batgirl]

And just to be totally rude, here's how I'd change it:

The woman rifled through the desk drawers, a penlight held between her veneered teeth.

What are veneered teeth? The same kind of veneer as on the desk?

But none of my first sentences are snappy, like these, anyways. From The Astrologer's Death:
The boy Tom huddled against the wall, hands tucked under his arms for warmth, water dripping coldly off the high thatched eaves onto his outthrust elbows and bare feet.

-Barbara

[blacbird]

When they finished, or maybe just got wore out, they were kind enough, these worthy citizens of the esteemed Commonwealth of Arkansas, to throw us in a stream the way you would a sack full of kittens.

caw.

[WVWriterGirl]

Betrayed (Only the filename...untitled as of right now):

The rain of revenge fell on this quiet world where there are none but the lesser creatures of the earth to witness it.

CDC Book I (Completed Manuscript):

Flick mounted the last two steps to the roof of the ramshackle building she shared with her uncle and the rest of the thieves’ guild.

CDC Book II:

Flick sat in the cool tower room with her companions.

(All three are fantasies. I'm not working on any horror right now, or I'd give you a few of those, too *grin*)

[scribbler1382]

What are veneered teeth? The same kind of veneer as on the desk?


ve·neer (və-nēr')
n.
A layer of tooth-colored material, usually porcelain or acrylic resin, attached to and covering the surface of a metal crown or natural tooth structure.

[LucyEllenH]

From I had a Little Bird (medical thriller):

"We need a doc here!"


From Murder at the Mall:

"Someone's been shot!" gasped the breathless teenager as she skidded to a stop in front of the two men.

[kathompson]

First line from my first book (not a WIP, but what the heck...):
The hooker I was going to marry was dead.

First line from current WIP, which will surely change:
It’s okay. You can look. Stare if you want to. I can accept the curiosity a whole lot easier than I can all the averted glances.

(okay, that's really 4 lines. Math is hard.)

[vipersmile]

I LOVE IT! The hooker I was going to marry was dead!

This one's out of my first published book.

In one swift motion her neck is torn open.
He howls in animalistic lust and in abject dissapointment as he ejaculates...

[cleoauthor]

From my WIP, entitled BOOBS OVER HOLLYWOOD:

"Oh, crap," Lena snapped as the timer buzzed, causing her to screech the bow across the cello strings.


You're invited to visit at www.cleoandtyrone.com (http://www.cleoandtyrone.com)

[putter]

Andy made his take off and caught the wave, maybe his fifth of the morning.

[sandoz]

Hey putter, the story I'm working on's all about surfing. Which beach are you near?

[reph]

In the kingdom of Bedfoolerie, ever since the twin princesses Dahlette and Sylvinia read "The Princess and the Pea," they've outdone each other at demanding extra mattresses to show how sensitive they are.

All right, all right, it's not a novel, it's a logic puzzle. Don't worry, I'll retreat into the woodwork now.

[SusanR]

"The morning of Fortuna’s departure ripened crisp and bright in that way only northeastern Octobers can--lingering summer warmth dancing with the cool promise of autumn." (Ok, it's the first line of the story-within-the-story.)

SusanR

[Angela]

Alexis Conrad slowed her car and turned into the driveway of the house that she had just inherited.

Hey, it IS a WIP.........:wag:

[abwallace]

From a novel I'm working on. Not sure of title yet, but am thinking Gargoyle or City of Gargoyles.

Icy claws chiseled through his thick neck.



Toni W.



P.S. Very enjoyable reading. I got a big kick out of these first sentences. Learned much also.":)

[kdnxdr]

Childhood is a game of survival; the realities, in-your-face.

[loquax]

The least scariest thing about me is that I remember the day I was born. "Least scariest"? Come on MI, you know better than that.

[Draelynkhar]

Draelynkhar:
The first time I saw her, I should have run.

Sophie (a working title):
Sophie Kingston isn't the kind of girl you'd expect to find in Peachtree, Mississippi.

The Girl With The Silver Shoe:
Like most narcissists, I hate it when people look at me, but I crave it all the same.

[moblues]

The carriage arrived, and a large gentleman wearing a long worn overcoat stepped down. His hair was a bird’s nest of twisted grey and black, entwined with the day’s mirthful greetings from Mother Nature and Father Industry.


Okay. So I flunked math. Great thread.






Mike

[Yaslan]

The sun had washed the colours out her hair while spying down on her as if she were some starved animal perched on a throne. :banana:

and

I almost killed a girl once....

[alanna]

“Stop!” Raellai’s fist halted an inch from the sand-filled bag she was supposed to be pummeling.

[ipsda]

This is from my WIP - Brother's Vengeance

Out of the corner of his eye, a streak of the morning sun reflected off the waxed floor at the rear of the store.

[loquax]

ipsda, I would change that sentence. As your eyes follow the words, it seems as if the light is coming from his eyes.