Free, thorough critique of your first two pages!

[jemacba]

I have to admit, I owe this idea to former agent Nathan Brandsford: a weekly page critique.

Pretty much, all you have to do is visit my site and submit the first 2 pages of the ms. you are working on now. I'll choose a submission at random every Friday, post it, then offer my thoughts and a redline. Why the first two pages? Because if there's stuff in those two pages that turns off an agent/editor, it's very likely he or she won't read any more and the rejection will come.

I might not be a literary agent, but I am being published by an award-winning traditional publisher, so I think I know what I'm talking about in regards to clean writing.

Submit here! (Sign in to Google Friend Connect, send a message to Jeremy Bates, and paste your two pages in
the message box).

http://jeremybatesbooks.blogspot.com/

[RobJ]

Hi Jeremy,

Just a thought, but as you're an unknown, unlike Nathan Bransford, perhaps you'd like to post some critiques in SYW to demonstrate your ability? Can't hurt. If people can see that you're giving good advice, they'd be more likely to use your blog, which could help you to build your reputation there.

[Bufty]

Congratulations on securing a publisher, but... multiple posts... like this?

If you want to critique, just do it - here.

[Amorta]

Grats on getting your work published but you're posting on a CRITIQUE site where there are both published and unpublished authors all willing to give their time and eyes to manuscripts so why not join in.

[Reziac]

Signing in through "Google Friend Connect" ... that's to make the blog come in higher in Google search. Draw your own conclusions.

[jemacba]

yes, i posted that three times, and i apologize... i've just started getting into blogging/forums and so forth and am quickly learning what to do and not do

most blogs i visit tell writers how to write but don't show it (the golden rule of writing).... what i'm doing by soliciting people to email me their first two pages is just a different way to teach writing: im showing them how to write

why do i get writers to submit to me, and not post critiques here? simple: i want to use the material on my blog

if you read one of the critiques I've done, you'd see that I put in a lot more effort into it than most people posting critiques here... because I have a personal stake in it... it's a blog post for me; my reputation/credibility on the line

yes, it gets traffic to my site... who doesn't want traffic?....but i 100 percent believe those who submit learn something from the experience, not to mention people who read the post

[jemacba]

Hi Jeremy,

Just a thought, but as you're an unknown, unlike Nathan Bransford, perhaps you'd like to post some critiques in SYW to demonstrate your ability? Can't hurt. If people can see that you're giving good advice, they'd be more likely to use your blog, which could help you to build your reputation there.

cheers rob, will do

[jemacba]

Grats on getting your work published but you're posting on a CRITIQUE site where there are both published and unpublished authors all willing to give their time and eyes to manuscripts so why not join in.

hey amorta
yes, thanks for the comment... im new to forums/blogging and realized it was a bad post!
ill critique around here
cheers

[jemacba]

anyway, please ignore my post! my bad
wont post it again!

[defcon6000]

why do i get writers to submit to me, and not post critiques here? simple: i want to use the material on my blogSo you're not critiquing because you want to help the writer out; you're critiquing for your benefit.

if you read one of the critiques I've done, you'd see that I put in a lot more effort into it than most people posting critiques here... because I have a personal stake in it... it's a blog post for me; my reputation/credibility on the lineBut see, I haven't seen one of your critiques so I can't really judge if you truly put more effort into the critique or not. This also sounds awfully like boasting, to me.

[dpaterso]

For some reason (OK, it was pilot error) the comments got left behind in the various SYW sub-forums when I moved the original posts here! I'm merging them now, sorry for any confusion.

As with all free offers, folks, it's up to you whether you think you might get anything out of receiving feedback. Make your own mind up, don't feel you have to protest on general principles or on behalf of others. Try it and see! Report your findings! Or not.

-Derek

[Bartholomew]

So you're not critiquing because you want to help the writer out; you're critiquing for your benefit.

But see, I haven't seen one of your critiques so I can't really judge if you truly put more effort into the critique or not. This also sounds awfully like boasting, to me.

Just curious; what is so bad about self interest and boasting? :)

[Reziac]

Just curious; what is so bad about self interest and boasting? :)

Nothing (barring what might irritate others), except when you claim it's for someone else's benefit. Or perhaps if you boast of abilities you demonstrably do not have (........eyeing grammatical errors in OP).

[missesdash]

Well it could be a matter of self interest and still benefit others.

[thothguard51]

Jemacba,

Please don't take this wrong...

You have one book out by an award winning publisher, congrats. But is one book enough that you consider yourself a professional? Did the publisher edit your book?

What genre is your published work? The reason I ask is because someone who writes say space opera may not understand the unspoken rules of erotica or Elizabethan Romance.

In other words, spread a little more news about what you do, what you write and maybe more people will visit your blog.

Me, if I visited every blog by a member posting I could spend half my day just reading blogs. I am very particular about visiting a blog other than just to add a pages viewed number to the blogger...

Lets also remember that a critique is an opinion and the writer has to look at each critique and figure out what works and does not work for them.

[Maryn]

I confess, my first thought was not, Oh, boy, what a great opportunity! but, Yeah, like this guy has his finger on the pulse of publishers seeking man-on-man erotica.

Not what you wanted to hear, but hey, I'm like that.

Maryn, Maryn, sometimes contrarian

[Medievalist]

why do i get writers to submit to me, and not post critiques here? simple: i want to use the material on my blog

I'd run like hell, frankly. This is a bad idea from all sorts of angles.

[mscelina]

I'd run like hell, frankly. This is a bad idea from all sorts of angles.

I agree. I could just as easily open my blog up to this--"Hey! I'm published, I've edited well over a hundred books AND I'm the managing editor of a small independent press. So come post your first two pages on my blog and I'll critique you, kthxbai."

Then people all over the blogosphere would be bleeding from self-inflicted wounds, whining and wailing over dangling participles and sentence fragments while my blog rose steadily in the ratings...

Hmm...

*sneaks out the back door and heads for blogger*

[Bluestone]

So you're not critiquing because you want to help the writer out; you're critiquing for your benefit.

But see, I haven't seen one of your critiques so I can't really judge if you truly put more effort into the critique or not. This also sounds awfully like boasting, to me.But if you haven't seen his critiques is that his fault? I mean, maybe he's good and maybe he's not, but he's offering something that could be to someone's advantage and benefit him at the same time.

I don't get what's wrong with just offering, and I don't really see the need to be this critical. Aren't we all trying to get noticed, published, increased SEO, more sales, exposure, whatever your goal may be? And isn't self-promotion part of this process? It will soon become evident whether jemacba has the chops. Meanwhile, can't we let him have his moment? JMHO.

[Medievalist]

I don't get what's wrong with just offering, and I don't really see the need to be this critical. Aren't we all trying to get noticed, published, increased SEO, more sales, exposure, whatever your goal may be? And isn't self-promotion part of this process? It will soon become evident whether jemacba has the chops. Meanwhile, can't we let him have his moment? JMHO.

Someone who has difficulty with the basic structures of English, in his posts and on his blog, and who is clearly intending to exploit others for traffic isn't someone I'd want to work with.

[Chase]

Someone who has difficulty with the basic structures of English, in his posts and on his blog . . . traffic isn't someone I'd want to work with.

My first and continuing impressions. To me, neither are the writings of someone I'd want to critique mine.

[Bluestone]

My first and continuing impressions. To me, neither are the writings of someone I'd want to critique mine.Yes, I did notice, but with his initial awkwardness with multiple posts, I just assumed he thought posting was similar to texting and it wasn't representative of his normal mode of writing.

Okay, so colour me naive. But I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt. :)

[Perks]

The problem is coming over as well-intentioned, but shooting wide. It looks unprofessional. Home-grown promotion is only as good as the least amount amount of eye-rolling it engenders.

If someone (and I'm basing this on a friend of mine) who snagged a major deal for her debut with a prominent editor at a Big 6 publisher came in and said, with a wink, "See what I did? I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about, so let me show you how it's done," I'd ask her if she'd been drinking.

I like to give the benefit of the doubt, too, but tone is very important in these things and we're not doing him any favors by not pointing it out. He's got a book to promote! That's awesome and we like our success stories here at AW. So really, this is constructive criticism.

[Maryn]

Perks, you have a better heart than I do. Really, you do.

Maryn, with a mitral valve prolapse

[Perks]

Yeah, but you have better legs.

[Bartholomew]

So really, this is constructive criticism.

Must it also include public humiliation?

[Bartholomew]

Sunshine and bunnies, then.

[Bufty]

The post vanished indeed.

But such a happy response is starting my day off well. :)

Thankyou.

Sunshine and bunnies, then.

[dpaterso]

Opinions have been expressed and the OP's had the opportunity to reply (and apologize) so let's put this one to bed. The link's still there if anyone wants to check it out.

-Derek