How to get over the loss of a pet?

[Chumala]

Hello everyone currently I'm having to make that tough choice of putting my dog down. The dog has been with me since I was 5, I am 18 now. Currently he is unable to walk or even use the restroom, so it's looking pretty clear on what we must do. Mentally he's fine, he's always been cheerful and so full of enegry, but his body just can't keep up with where his mind wants to wander. Lol he's a Lab. :P

I'm not really searching for a "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening blah blah blah". In all honesty, yes that helps, but that's I'm not searching for your sympathy, I'm looking for some ways to help me move on and stop crying over this.

[CaroGirl]

Sorry to hear that. I put my two dogs down last spring. They were litter mates and I'd had them for 15 years.

I think you have to let yourself grieve, up to a certain point. We put away all their stuff: beds, water/food bowl, toys, and so on. But the house looked so empty it was as much a reminder of the loss as leaving the stuff out would have been.

The other strategy is telling yourself you did the right thing. The dog is no longer suffering. You didn't betray his trust in you by letting him suffer. You spared him the pain. Also, and maybe this is just me, try not to dwell on it too much. Think about other things; keep your mind busy with school, work, writing, seeing friends and watching movies. One day you'll be able to look at pictures and talk about him fondly without crying. Really, you will.

All the best.

[veinglory]

Sometime grief is a process you need to go through. If it gets debilitating there are counselors who specialist in helping with pet grief. I have a list for the US here somewhere.

[Jersey Chick]

Time is the only set thing I know of to get beyond grief. You need to take time to grieve, to cry, to go through the steps until the time comes when you smile at the memory instead of cry over the loss.

[brainstorm77]

This is very hard. I have been there many times, and all I have to say is that I feel for you and it takes time.

[Evice]

Sorry to hear that, i recently went through a rough time last year with three old and sick pets who all needed round the clock care one after the other and many trips to the vet. Unfortunately they all passed away and i was left devestated and even lost my faith, i wanted to die myself and didnt feel i could continue.

Then to top it off just when i thought i might be able to find the strength to carry on my 16 year old dog died in Feb this year of kidney failure and i was once again plunged into darkness, i have no pets left and don't plan to get any more because i couldnt go through it again.

The reason i mention how i felt is because that horrible though it is, grieving is a process that is different for each person, you will get through it and gradually feel better as i do now, it just doesn't seem like it at the moment.

I can sympathise in particular with your situation because i grew up with a dog from when i was 2 until she died when i was 19.

My thoughts are with you.

[stormie]

It's probably too soon to move on. And you never get over it, just through it. Grieve. Cry. It's okay. Don't try to ignore the sadness; it'll only come back to hit you in the face big time later on.

:Hug2:

[inkkognito]

Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own schedule. I'm a mental health counselor, and the way I approach it is by cognitively changing the focus. First, you must give yourself enough time to feel the sorrow. Then, when you're ready to move on, picture a giant red stop sign when you feel sad and replace the thought with a happy memory or think of how your life was enhanced by your pet.
I'm one of those people who believes in quickly getting another pet too. I got a new cat the day after putting down my 16-year-old; I was still hurting too much to choose a new one, even though I knew it was best in the long run, so my husband made the selection. That cat, Stitch, is surgically attached to my arm as I type this. He didn't replace Muse, but he gave me something positive to focus on.

[alleycat]

I can sympathize. My brother and I had a dog from the time we were little until we were adults (I think the dog was 18 or 19 when he died).

One thing that might help just a little afterwards is getting some kind of marker for the dog. I know that sound odds, but it's kind of a statement someone can make about their pet; that even though the journey the two of you made together is over, he won't ever be forgotten and that his life was valued.

I wish I had something more to say that would help, but time really is about the only thing that will help. That, and having a few good friends around who understand. Just remember that some day you will be able to think about your old friend without crying (or, at least, not crying as much).

[Pistol Whipped Bee]

Animals are family to pet lovers so the death of a pet isn't a whole lot different than the death of anyone we love.

"I'm looking for some ways to help me move on and stop crying over this."

You wrote that he can't walk or even use the restroom, but that mentally he is fine. Labs are smart. I'm sure he's well aware that his body is deteriorating and I imagine it bums him out.

Once you let him go - for him, not for you - he'll be free of his body and free to play and run and do all the things that have been in his nature this lifetime.

I grew up with dogs and mine, he's a Border Collie/Terrier mix, will be 7 in September. I've had him since he was 9 weeks old.

All of us - animals, humans, everything living - we're are just visiting.

[BunnyMaz]

Speaking as someone who has lost pets,

You don't. Ever. Not if you loved them. But, like any death, it gets easier. Time passes and you find more and more that, rather than thinking on their last moments and feeling rage, grief and outrage, you think on memories of them that make you feel good. And you smile. Maybe sometimes you cry a little, too, but less each time, and eventually you stop crying altogether.

The only thing that can make it easier is giving your pet the gentlest, kindest and happiest end you can. Give them the best last day on the planet that they are capable of enjoying, and end it before the pain starts if you can.

[Bushrat]

That's such a terribly hard thing to do ... I lost my two favourite dogs last year, one of them in similar condition as yours - he had no control over his bladder and bowels anymore and his hind legs kept giving out on him, yet he was still so full of fun, love and life; at least in the mornings. But this is where we can be more compassionate with dogs than people, we don't have to wait until there is nothing left of their life.

It might help you to gather your favourite pictures of your dog and write a memory book about his life - all the goofy things he did, what was unique about him, the adventures you had with him. It might help you celebrate all the years you've had with him and see what a rich life he had with you. And you'll have something lasting to remember him by.

[Finchlark]

Hi Chumula, just wondered how you are feeling now? After my beloved lab had to be put to sleep it took me three years before I could face having another dog. Now I have another lab and he's a lovely boy and I enjoy him.