Directional descriptions dilemma!

Scott Kaelen

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I have a quandary, which I'm hoping some of you could shed a little of your expertise on.

In the first chapter of my novel, my MC is sitting in his car and looking at a large house.
It's written in third person, through the viewpoint of my MC.
My problem is that when I'm describing the details of the house I need to use phrases like 'the left side of the house' or 'the right-hand portion'. Neither of these examples sit well with me, and I'm looking for other alternatives.
I wanted to change them to 'the west side of the house' etc., but I'm certain that my MC wouldn't know his west from his east unless a compass was hanging under his nose. But will the readers care? Will they even notice? Can our characters viewpoints subtly have little elements like knowing which direction something would be facing, from any given point?

Here's an excerpt from my descriptions, which is far from the final draft and is still in desperate need of modification, as an example:

The central area of the building had a simple but expertly-crafted wooden porchway set under the gabels of the roof, and the walls of the ground floor were crafted from layers of aged logs stacked atop one another, into which two windows were set, one to either side of the porch. Above the cabin-esque construction of the ground floor, the upper levels of the first floor and attic area were constructed of stonework. Callum suspected that the stonework continued behind the logs, too; doubly fortifying the original portion of Fellmarch.
To the right of the central building was a comparatively modern extension which jutted forward of the rest of the building. Although a more recent addition, it appeared from the crumbling brickwork that this extension must date as far back as the sixties, possibly earlier.
The left half of the house also appeared to have extended from the original building. Callum guessed its stone walls, which were constructed in the same fashion as the top half of the central building, cane from a slightly later time than the log part. Atop it was the second largest roof of Fellmarch. A small side-door was set into the cavity between the left-hand and central structures, where both parts were connected by a narrower partition upon which sat the smallest of the upside-down-V-shaped roofs.

1. Left, left-hand, left-most, west, western, westernmost?
2. Central, middle, mid, mid-section?
3. Lower or upper... part, portion, section, area, piece?

I'm finding that directional descriptions as in examples 1 and 2 are becoming one of my biggest problems. That and descriptive nouns(?) like in example 3.
It's not a huge issue at this stage of the novel, but I'd certainly like to get to the bottom of it earlier on instead of later.
 

Arkie

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Elizabeth George does a lot of this stuff in her England-based murder mysteries, and to be quite honest, when I come to these passages, my eyes glaze over and I quickly scan ahead to find the story line.
 

LynnKHollander

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The MC apparently drove there. Does the car have a GPS or even just a simple compass on the dashboard? Did he use a map? If he was driven there, he could ask the chauffeur. He might be able to see the ocean/river/mountains, and know that the landmark is always to the east or west. For that matter, is the sun setting?
If the street he's on goes east/west, the house faces north or south(or vice versa) and everything else falls into place.
Try describing the footprint of the house: E, X, H?
On a different aspect, I find the idea of stone above wood implausible.
Finally, is all this necessary? It's a patchwork house having two wings added at different times over the years, using different materials and with uneven roof lines ~~unless all this architecture is vital to the story, why not keep it simple?
 

Lil

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Is the sun out? That will tell him what the directions are right away.

Right/left directions always have me wondering whose right and left the author is talking about–the viewer's or the inhabitant's
 

Xelebes

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Houses are often designed to point at directions. The north-facing cabin has the sun not shining in the front windows. South-facing cabin has the sun shining in the front windows at noon. East: sunset; west: sunrise. Describing in terms of shadows might be an interesting way of putting it. "The armoire lay hidden to the morning sun."

Porches here are often placed on the south side so that when you walk out your door, you don't have the sun blazing on you. This is dependent on the geographical features though. If there is a valley, river or a lake, the porch will likely face the feature.
 

Susan Coffin

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What about using a mixture of sun setting/sun rising and resulting light to describe. Most people know the sun rises to the east and sets to the west. I would use directional clues mixed with light and dark descriptions.

I hope this makes sense. :)
 

Scott Kaelen

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Excellent suggestions everyone, thankyou.
I should have realised about the sun beforehand. In the next chapter I have my MC waking up the following morning to the sun shining through his window onto his face. His temporary bedroom is on the ground floor at the rear of the building (just for the first night). So that would make the house east-facing. He arrives there around noon, so the sun is pretty much at itz zenith and won't have much effect on the visuals in this particular section of the story.
I'll stick with compass points, though. It was a valid point that the MC could easily have a GPS in the car, too, even if it's not mentioned.
 

Fallen

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There's a lot of detail in there and I honestly skimmed over a bit, only to go back for a second reading. To save the argument, couldn't you just simplify:

Marking different moments in time, a jigsaw of interior extensions burdened both sides of the central building...

and then add some detail.

If it helps, our houses used to have the lower portion made from wood, the upper brick. With a pretty square roof, they earned the nick-name 'cow sheds' over the years. I'm not suggesting the same for yours, but something that gives the reader an instant image in their mind could save you looad on 'logs, roofs, sidewalls, left, right, middle' etc.
 
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Bufty

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ETA- Don't know why this is in the Grammar and Syntax Forum, but...


This is a very common problem in most fantasy tales where folk wander along passages in castles and turn left and right and through doors on the left and another on the right and up stairs to the right and another passage on the left......

I think the problem disappears when one accepts that in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it is of no importance whether something is on the right or the left, or north, south, east, or west of something else - unless ,of course, it is genuinely important to something that happens later on and it is necessary for the reader to know the position now.

I know you mention there is still work to be done here so you won't be surprised at my feeling the quoted extract contains many excess words/phrases.

Do I need to know all this stuff up front? There isn't a hope in hell I remember it or what is to which side of where. Is all that detail really noted by Callum? It's a list - very clinical -doesn't he have any emotional reaction to what he's seeing?

At this stage would it be better if I simply got a general impression of the atmosphere created by the house and Callum's reactions as he approaches it. I could learn more about it later as Callum no doubt does -no?

All I need is sufficient (minimal) structural/atmospheric detail to let me create my own image of Fellmarch - it doesn't have to precisely match yours except in so far as any specific plot related location/event within the house is concerned.

Good luck
 
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skylark

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Can you use the surrounding geography - for instance, is the house on a slope? Then you have an uphill side and a downhill side. Or you might refer to the bit of house next to the pond, or the hedge, or the big tree...

It is a bit eyes-glazing, though. Unless there's a reason he needs to take in all this detail now, at which point you could have him draw himself a diagram, and then you'd have a built-in left and right because they'd be the left and right of the paper.
 

Scott Kaelen

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Thankyou everyone for your suggestions. They were all helpful.
I've cropped all of the crap out of the snippet and hopefully left in only the information that is really needed. I've used some of your ideas, and those that I haven't used I've kept in mind for other details. After all, Fellmarch is full of rooms and Callum will be venturing into each of them at some stage.
Here's the revised (but not polished) result, for those of you who care to read:

Callum Fisher pulled up in front of Fellmarch and gazed up at the imposing house for the first time in silent admiration.
He could almost sense the very stones and mortar of the place mourning in emptiness for its recently-deceased owner. Fellmarch seemed to be brooding in sullen stubbornness, with all the permanence of an ancient megalith denying passage into the lonely stretches of moorland beyond.
Despite this, the building definitely had a certain grandness, although when Mr Lamerson had described the house to Callum, the man had managed to make it sound anything but grand. It wasn't huge by any means, but it was certainly large, about the size of three cottages stacked sideways-on. He wondered at how lonely his grandfather must have been, living all alone in such a place for so many years.
It looked like Fellmarch had been constructed from stones from the surrounding countryside, as many dwellings out here were made, and the front of the building had a simple but expertly-crafted porchway made from layers of aged logs.
Windows the size and shape of murder holes were set high upon each wall under the gabels of the roofs, lending to the grandiose aura of the building and reminding Callum of the fortified walls of a castle. He could imagine archers hiding in the shadows behind each of the holes, and chuckled quietly to himself at the image. The illusion was only ruined by the glimmer of sunlight reflecting on the panes set deep into the wall. Below each of these vertical slits were large bay windows protruding from the walls of the ground and first floors.
A low stone wall surrounded the front of the house at a short distance, and Callum could see a higher wall separating the front garden from the rear.
A huge, gnarly oak loomed high to one side of the house, its branches reaching out towards the upper windows as if seeking to gain entrance.
 

bonitakale

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Still, to me, too much description. I'm more of the Jane Austen school: It was a handsome modern building, well situated on rising ground.

The noun of grand is "grandeur," not "grandness," I believe. And "grandiose," is a bit nasty, implying pretentiousness.

In your first paragraph, I'd pick one of those sentences and leave out the other (I'd keep the second one, but that's me.) Together, they weaken each other.

How about saying it was an oversized log cabin with stone above the logs and windows like arrow slits? (Murder holes are in floors/ceilings, aren't they?)
 

LynnKHollander

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Yes, floors and ceilings are where one finds murder holes.

Still starting off awkward: '... gazed up at the imposing house for the first time in silent admiration.' ~~Every other time he was talking?
Fewer clauses and adjectives, less description, less load per sentence/paragraph. This is a lot of verbiage while the guy is just sitting in the car.
 

Maryn

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I'm with Bufty. (Buy you a drink, sailor?) How much of this does the reader need to know? Why does it need to be now?

It's not important that the reader be able to envision the structure exactly as you do nine times out of ten, if not more. Ninety-nine out of a hundred, maybe?

It's a rare building and grounds that's symmetrical. From my car, I might use right and left, but I might also use "the driveway side" or "behind the azaleas." But only on what the reader needs to know.

Maryn, whose eyes spin like tops at too much description
 

Scott Kaelen

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Still, to me, too much description. I'm more of the Jane Austen school: It was a handsome modern building, well situated on rising ground.

The noun of grand is "grandeur," not "grandness," I believe. And "grandiose," is a bit nasty, implying pretentiousness.

In your first paragraph, I'd pick one of those sentences and leave out the other (I'd keep the second one, but that's me.) Together, they weaken each other.

How about saying it was an oversized log cabin with stone above the logs and windows like arrow slits? (Murder holes are in floors/ceilings, aren't they?)

Thanks Bonita :)
Good points there.
Very sloppy of me typing 'grandness' rather than 'grandeur'. I've changed that now to 'had a certain grandeur about it'.
And I've changed 'grandiose aura' to 'archaic feel'.

The slitted windows remind Callum of murder holes, more so because the house is constructed from large stones, and those particular windows are for the second floor attic rooms.
I'm not sure if something is lost in translation though; what is called the first floor in America is the ground floor here in the UK, so what is the second floor in America is the first floor here. A little confusing. Maybe the house of Fellmarch sounds shorter because of this? It is quite tall, being a three-storey building.

I'll have to jiggle those opening lines around, see if I can't make it punchier. Once draft 3 of my prologue has got enough (more than zero) critiques I'll hopefully have draft 1 of the beginning of chapter 1 ready for critting, too. This excerpt is the pre-draft of the opening sequence of chapter 1.

My prologue is in my signature, for anyone wishing to read it. If you do read it, please at least leave a 'liked it' or even a 'hated it' rather than nothing at all. Critiques are always welcome and always appreciated, no matter how big or small :) (Note: There's a bit of strong language in the prologue, so don't read if it might offend.)