Remark within quotation

MikeG

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How do you punctuate a description within a quote like this?


"She was mean--she drug 'mean' out to at least five syllables--and I told her to shut up," she said.

Thanks
 

LynnKHollander

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Is 'she drug "mean" out to at least five syllables' part of what she said or not? If she does not say it, it does not go within the double quotes.
If she does say it, it's fine the way it is; except the verb 'to drag' takes the past tense 'dragged'.
"She was mean--" and here she dragged 'mean' out to about five syllables "--and I told her to shut up," she said. ~~is correct, and makes sense if you have a first person narrator.
 

Susan Coffin

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"She was mean--she drug 'mean' out to at least five syllables--and I told her to shut up," she said.
This would be my fix for that sentence:

"She was mean--"she Lisa drug dragged 'mean' her last word out to at least five syllables--"and, I told her to shut up."
 
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Fallen

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I'd question 'five syllables' too. Mean is one syllable, it can be dragged out into three graphs: 'M-ea-n' (or 'Muh-eeee-nuh' if you really want to play about phonetically and visually to get your point across), but they aren't syllables ('Alfie' has two syllables: al-fie, yet four combinations of graphs: a-l-ph-ie.)

"She was mean, and I mean muh-eee-nuh. I told her..."
"She was..." Lisa made sure dragged the next word out to dramatic ends, "muh-eeee-nuh. I told her...
 
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Chase

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"She was mean, and I mean muh-eee-nuh. I told her..."
"She was..." Lisa made sure dragged the next word out to dramatic ends, "muh-eeee-nuh. I told her...

Good evaluation and suggestions.

Great looking new little writer! Thanks for the super cute avatar.
 

Susan Coffin

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I'd question 'five syllables' too. Mean is one syllable, it can be dragged out into three graphs: 'M-ea-n' (or 'Muh-eeee-nuh' if you really want to play about phonetically and visually to get your point across), but they aren't syllables ('Alfie' has two syllables: al-fie, yet four combinations of graphs: a-l-ph-ie.)

"She was mean, and I mean muh-eee-nuh. I told her..."
"She was..." Lisa made sure dragged the next word out to dramatic ends, "muh-eeee-nuh. I told her...

What a great example! Much more meaningful then the "three syllables." Come to think of it, you can't drag a one syllable word out to any syllables other than one.
 

howard manson

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I go with a variation on Lynn's, "She was mean--" she dragged 'mean' out to at least five syllables "--and I told her to shut up," she said.

I also like the inference of character in the statement, "she dragged 'mean' out..." etc.

In dialogue it is common to use italics to indicate a change of tone, in this case being useful to tip the reader to the interjection: "She was mean--" she dragged 'mean' out to at least...' etc.

I think the ambiguity is aggravated by two people being referred to as She, she, I, her, she in the same sentence. I'd make it two sentences, using the speaker's name in attribution. "She was mean...," she dragged 'mean' out to five syllables. "So I told her to shut up," Andrea said.

I know I'm new here, but I really like this kind of thing. I'll have a query letter up in QL Hell in a few days; I hope you'll take the time to help me out with my questions.
 

AudreyInDC

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How do you punctuate a description within a quote like this?


"She was mean--she drug 'mean' out to at least five syllables--and I told her to shut up," she said.

Thanks

Someone's probably already explained that drug is not the correct past perfect form: http://www.verb2verbe.com/conjugation/english-verb/drag.aspx

A suggested rewrite:

"She was mean," she said, dragging the word out to at least five syllables, "and I told her to shut up."