Need english speakers to tell me my mistakes in a few sentences THANK YOU :)

ohlala

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Hello everyone:)

After a while looking for responses in my diccionaries and my old english grammar school books, I'm still not sure if my sentences are free mistakes (I'm not english speaker).I'm a bit desperate....Please, could someone tell me if those sentences are correct and if not, tell me the right grammar? THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE :)

Here are those sentences (the context is Antiquity times and the story is written at past):

1)Levis'blood : is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood?

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left).

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath.

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?)

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?)

7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?)

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same).

9) My smile grew larger automatically.

Thank you again for your help and if someone needs some help in french here I am :)

Ohlala ;)
 

ohlala

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Need english speakers to tell me my grammar mistakes in a few sentences THANK YOU :)

Hello everyone:)

After a while looking for responses in my diccionaries and my old english grammar school books, I'm still not sure if my sentences are free mistakes (I'm not english speaker).I'm a bit desperate....Please, could someone tell me if those sentences are correct and if not, tell me the right grammar? THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE :)

Here are those sentences (the context is Antiquity times and the story is written at past):

1)Levis'blood : is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood?

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left).

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath.

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?)

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?)

7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?)

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same).

9) My smile grew larger automatically.

Thank you again for your help and if someone needs some help in french here I am :)

Ohlala ;)
 

maestrowork

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1) Levis's blood.

2) Obviously none is fine -- it's a fragment. "There was nothing left" is a complete sentence.

3) It's grammatically correct but phrased rather awkwardly.

4) Again, long and awkward sentence. I won't edit it, but you're missing some punctuation: He would be looking at the starved tigers in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly, prolonging his death until his last breath (I have NO IDEA what "making him be dying" means)

5) Why would you use the progressive form? It should be: I would have appreciated seeing blood flowing.

6) I had been patient enough. (or just cut "enough" -- you don't need it)

7) too many 'to's. Try to rephrase. But "call attention to me" is correct

8) I hated everything that REMINDED ME OF Levis one way or another (or in any way).

9) "automatically"? Do you mean "involuntarily"?
 
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Ol' Fashioned Girl

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1. Perhaps it's picking up on the spacing. 'Levi's blood' is correct.

2. 'Obviously none' is correct.

3. 'as feed to the lions'... or 'as a meal to the lions'

4. This one is difficult... it runs on without a place for me to pause and catch my breath. Perhaps breaking it up would make it less so. Example:

The starving tigers would enter soon, ready to tear him to pieces and devour him. No matter how swiftly death might come, in his mind, his death would be slow and he was sure he would be aware of each bite, right to the moment of his dying.

5. I would have enjoyed the sight of flowing blood.

6. I had been patient enough.

7. 'to myself'

8. 'Things' don't remember. 'I hated everyone who remembered Levis.' I don't believe 'one way or the other' fits in this instance, though.

9. 'My smile widened' or just drop the 'larger automatically'. My smile grew.

You're welcome. :)

ETA: And now you see how even those who speak English disagree.
 

rainsmom

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1)Levis' blood: is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood?

I would use Levis's. If I *hear* the extra s, then I use it.

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left).

One of these:
What other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously nothing.
What other remedies had I at my disposal? Obviously none.

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.

It was torture more dreadful than to be thrown as food to lions.

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath.

Would be looking is future tense. Was that intentional? This sentence is... melodramatic. The last part does't really make sense. If they tear him apart and devour him, yep, he'll die.

He would be watching the starving tigers enter, ready to tear him apart and devour him.

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?)

I would have appreciated seeing blood flow.

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?)

I had been patient enough.

7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?)

I had to control myself to avoid calling attention to me.

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same).

I hated everything that recalled Levis in any way.

9) My smile grew larger automatically.

Well, technically this is fine, but you don't need the adverb. Or you could try, "I couldn't stop my smile from growing." Or something such. I think it's fine without the adverb.
 

bluejester12

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3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.


"feed" is a collective noun here. You do not need "a."

I believe you are comparing two different parts of speech (torture=noun) vs. (to be thrown = verb)

It was more dreadful a torture than being thrown as feed to the lions.

Here, "being thrown" is used as a noun so it reads better.


 

absitinvidia

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2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left).

While the "obviously none" is correct here, I think the sentence before it sounds a little awkward.

What other remedy did I have at my disposal? Obviously none.

reads a bit better for me.
 

Lapinou

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1)Levis'blood: is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood? Is his name 'Levi' or 'Levis'? If Levis, I think either is correct, and Levis' sounds better because of the fact his/her name ends in 'is'.

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left). I think you need a comma after the 'obviously'.

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions. Remove the 'as a feed'.

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath.

This would depend on the context of other sentences, but try 'He imagined looking at the starving tigers as they entered the [not place - arena? cage?] ready to tear him to pieces; to devour him slowly to death.'

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?)

I would have appreciated seeing the/his/her blood flow.

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?)

patient enough.

7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?)

should be 'to myself', but then you have repetition. Try 'It took great control not to call attention to myself.'

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same).

Not sure what this sentence is trying to say at all! I hated everything that reminded me of Levis in any way.

9) My smile grew larger automatically.

Gramatically correct, but a bit strange!
 

PinkAmy

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1)Levis'blood: is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood?
Levis' SPACE blood is the name is Levis. Levi's if the name is LEVI. The Levises in you are talking about a family.

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left). What other remedy did I have at my disposal? Obviously nothing.

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.
It was more torturous than being fed to the lions. (but this is cliche)

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath. He would look at the starved tigers, ready to tear him to pieces, so frightened at the pain that death would be welcome.

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?) I would have appreciated seeing his blood flowing, even after his death.

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?) I had been patient long enough.
7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?) I had to control myself as not to cause attention.

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same). One way or another is cliche. I hated every reminder of Levis.


9) My smile grew larger automatically. My smile grew larger.

You've got to watch adverbs, and stating the obvious. Your sentences are awkward. I can't imagine how hard writing in a different language must be.
 

ohlala

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THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your help and opinion MAESTROWORK, LAPINOU (your name is so funny ...I'm sure you know that it means in french "little rabbit" but in an affectionately way) and PinkAmy :)
 

ohlala

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THANK YOU VERY MUCH: MAESTROWORK (again ;) my pc had a problem and I sent my message twice involuntarily), Ol'Fashioned Girl, rainsmom, bluejester12, PeterL,absitinvidia.
The problem with the translation from for example french to english is that french is pretty narrative... you never go immediately to the goal (you have to "suffer" a bit before ah ah ;) ). English/american is much more direct...It is a complete different way to write...wow a lot of work is waiting for me I think...
Good luck for all of you and thank you again :)

Ohlala
 

Jonathan Dalar

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Hello everyone:)

After a while looking for responses in my diccionaries and my old english grammar school books, I'm still not sure if my sentences are free mistakes (I'm not english speaker).I'm a bit desperate....Please, could someone tell me if those sentences are correct and if not, tell me the right grammar? THANK YOU VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE :)

Here are those sentences (the context is Antiquity times and the story is written at past):

1)Levis'blood: is that correct? my computer says NO...is it Levis's blood?

2) Which other remedy had I at my disposal? Obviously none. ("obvioulsy none" is correct? I want to say that there was nothing left).

3) It was a more dreadful torture than to be thrown as a feed to the lions.

4) He would be looking at the starved tigers entering in the place ready to tear him to pieces and devour him slowly making him be dying until his last breath.

5) I would have been appreciating seeing blood flowing. (maybe too much"--ing"?)

6) I had been enough patient. (enough patient or patient enough?)

7) I had to control myself to not call attention to me.(is it "to me" or "on me"?)

8) I hated everything that remembered Levis one way or another.(Is the expression "one way or another" correct? I want to say that any way was the same).

9) My smile grew larger automatically.

Thank you again for your help and if someone needs some help in french here I am :)

Ohlala ;)

1. If your main character's name is Levi, then the correct form is Levi's blood. If it is Levis, then the correct form is Levis's blood. This is a simple matter of possessive case grammar.

2. "What other option was there? None." is what comes to mind for me. There are a million (give or take a few) variants that come to mind.

3. I'd word it "It was more dreadful than to be thrown to the lions."

4. Awful wordy. I'd consider not talking about it in a conditional voice.

5. Again, too many words, or more specifically, too many verbs. Would have been doing.

6. Patient enough.

7. To myself. However, don't use myself twice in a row like that.

8. ...remembered about Levis. Nix the "one way or another".

9. Nix "automatically". In fact, I'd just say, "I smiled."
 

ohlala

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Thank you Jonathan Dalar for your explanation :)

Ohlala ;)