A little help from my friends...

djdasher said:

Hello Folks,

"If you had someone," she said, "someone willing to wait for you, then joining the Navy for three years would be an option."

"Well, Kathy," I replied, "right now there is no someone."

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Try that, I'm not saying it's right, but see what you think.

djdasher said:

Hello Folks,

"If you had someone willing to wait for you, then joining the Navy for three years would be an option," she said.

"Well, Kathy, I replied, right now there is no someone."

When I use the term "someone" as I do above, I feel as if I should somehow draw attention to it. I used Italics. Is this acceptable? If not, how would you draw attention to the word? I thought of capitalization, but I'm not sure.

Also, is my placement of quotation marks proper?

Thank you...

DJ

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My half a cent's worth is below.

This first dialogue seems correct.

The second: "Well, Kathy," I said, "right now there is no someone."

Italics are used for emphasis, such as a character stressing that word. Use sparingly. If the dialogue is written clearly as well as the surrounding context, the audience will get the hint and read it as you have planned.

Always ask yourself, is it important that the audience read it exactly my way?

Or

Will they get it with the surrounding context therefore are italics or exclamation points necessary?

Sorry if this is confusing.

Italics are fine, as long as you don't use them often. Do not capitalize the word.

The second line should be: "Well, Kathy," I replied, "right now there is no someone." However, if there are only two people in this scene, the narrator and Kathy, I would recommend taking out the I replied part. It's not necessary.

djdasher said:

Hello Folks,

"If you had someone willing to wait for you, then joining the Navy for three years would be an option," she said.

"Well, Kathy, I replied, right now there is no someone."

When I use the term "someone" as I do above, I feel as if I should somehow draw attention to it. I used Italics. Is this acceptable? If not, how would you draw attention to the word? I thought of capitalization, but I'm not sure.

Also, is my placement of quotation marks proper?

Thank you...

DJ

Click to expand...

The italics are fine. a quote-in-a-quote would also be technically correct, but my publisher prefers the italics because they are cleaner for readers.

Your quotes are not right.

"Well, Kathy," I replied, "right now there is no someone."

The character isn't saying I replied aloud so it will not be inside the quotes.

I'd also suggest changing "replied" to "said." It's redundant -- of course he's replying to what she just said. Don't call attention to the tag unless it's something more relevant: e.g. he whispered (why is he whispering?).

Italics just do not work here. I can see two other words in the sentence where italics would work, "is" and "no", but "someone" is the wrong word to italicize.

Say the sentence aloud, or have friends do so, and you should hear the correct italicized word. I doubt it will ever be "someone".

Jamesaritchie said:

Italics just do not work here. I can see two other words in the sentence where italics would work, "is" and "no", but "someone" is the wrong word to italicize.

Say the sentence aloud, or have friends do so, and you should hear the correct italicized word. I doubt it will ever be "someone".

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I'm going to disagree with this. It's up to the author which word to emphasize. I can absolutely hear a person putting the stress on "someone."

When I take your advice and say the sentence aloud, I stress both "is" (which gets the sentence stress anyway as the verb), and "someone," and to call attention to that, I'd italicize "someone" and not "is."


ETA: Yes, I know that "be" doesn't always get sentence stress, but when it is a content word (as in this example, where it is a correction), it can carry sentence stress.

If it's dialogue and the writer feels the character would stress the 'someone' in his delivery of the dialogue because of his character or whatever -so be it.

BUT if- as is implied from the original post - it's just a 'feeling' that attention should be drawn to the word I suggest it is not necessary because the meaning of the sentence is perfectly clear without any italics.

I agree that italicising the 'is' instead of the 'someone' would lend more clarity were clarification considered necessary.

I don't think the emphasis is necessary at all.

One of the problems I find with some writers is that they try too hard to dictate how the dialogue is read/heard, but specifically emphasizing certain words. Sometimes it works, but more often than not it's a distraction. Instead, it's better to let the context and the dialogue itself does the work. In this case, I think it's pretty clear. "Someone" is being repeated: first she said "if you had someone." And then he replied by saying, "Well, there is no someone." So we know where the emphasis is, already.

What I've learned as an actor is that given the same line of dialogue, a director can ask the actor to emphasize any word in that line, or none at all. But it's also up to the actor to interpret the scene and the line and deliver it within context. And that's what readers do. Give them the context and meaning and the subtext and the character's personality, they will supply the emphasis themselves. They'll hear it.