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pstudios
09-09-2005, 12:30 PM
:heart: I've been trying to rewrite Accidental Betrayal(some pgs. R posted in the screenplay section) and I realize I need to do some work with the character's as well as the story. They need more depth and individuality added to their present beings. I don't want them to be flat or echo someone else.

(one ex: Carlo, who doesn't have a big part and is Maria's younger brother-he's a real geek all the way, even down to wearing a "Star Trek" shirt. He has friends who R geeks just like him and they play pretend space games with walkie talkies. A little odd at age 13 and this deffinately shows, he's not going to be the type to take over the family.)

Maria(the main char.) is who she is but needs more work. She's very sophisticated/elegant and also independant and strongheaded. She wants to be a proper socially acceptable high society lady, more than she wants to be thought of as a reputed gangster's daughter. Don't get me wrong she loves her family, is best friends with her brother Mario and she's an Italian girl all the way. She's intellectual and want to be lawyer. In the story she falls passionatly in love with Paul(the brilliant atty in the DA's ofc.). Still there's something missing and flat. The allure mystery and humanity need to be there.

Mario(Maria's older brother by 6 years) is wild, a lady's man, likes to be cool; yet he's irresponsible and drinks way too much. He's got charm and whit, wants to be tougher than he really is. He's obviously more of an idiot, than someone who can take over the family business. Still he is shallow and needs more development into his own unique personality. Something more exciting than what's coming forth now.

Al(Maria's older bro, by 10 years) is more serious/stable and has a head for leadership and business. He could run the family. He's not cold, but does take charge. Al care's about Maria, but she feels very invisible to him. Al is the one that his father has chosen to take over 4 him and then he dies early on in story.

Gino(Maria's father) is a serious old country, and is the most powerful reputed crime boss in the US. He's somewhat generic, at this point, and the last thing I want to do is have him be another echo of Brando's char in "The Godfather" and all the rest of the Brando cookiecutter chars. He needs to be somewhat cliche for the genre, but yet have a colorful flair that's all his own.

Paul(Maria's Lover) is an upperclass sophisticated yuppie. He went to Yale and wants to make a name for himself as a bussiness atty., but at present , even though he's brilliant, is on the staff of the DA's office. A good place, since it's his 1st year out of lawschool and it wouldn't make much of a story with him in a different job. After all where would the passion fueled conflict.

This has been frustrating trying to furthur develop these characters and bring them to a real life. Carlo is unique and quirky and yet these more important characters need to be with out taking away from who they already are.

Have been trying to work with extensive worksheets and char. boigraphies, but they're still flat.

HELP!

Thanx Jen

dpaterso
09-09-2005, 01:39 PM
You know your own characters best; it's tough for anyone else to make suggestions.

But what I didn't get from your descriptions is, what do these people really want?

Maria's goal of becoming a socially acceptable high society lady seems facetious given that she's the daughter of a Mafia hood. No matter how great a film Sophia Coppola makes, everyone will still think of her father. Maria's in the same situation. Unless she changes her name and pretends to be someone else, her chances of achieving her stated goal seem mighty slim. What else does she want? Where is she going? What will she do when she gets there?

Does Mario know his own failings? Then he'll want to do better, impress his father more. This could lead to foolhardy actions that have the opposite effect. Is he jealous of Al? Or supportive? Does he hate his father for not allowing him to take a more active role, or for maintaining control instead of passing responsibility on to Mario?

What does Al want? To strengthen the family's position? To expand their power? To smite their enemies? To settle down with a nice Italian girl? I dunno, tell me.

What does Gino want? Ditto Al's possible goals above (except for the nice Italian girl). Does he want to hold onto the reins or does he want to pass them on to a fitting heir? Does he want to bring Mario fully into the business or does he know Mario is an idiot? Will he fob Mario off with a minor role, like Fredo in The Godfather being put in charge of a whorehouse where he can't do much damage, leading to frustration and conflict? When Gino finds out about Maria and Paul, will he encourage her to pursue their romance because this could be a way to control someone in the DA's office?

What do they really want? Make up your own questions and answer them. Or, ignore me. That works too.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

preyer
09-09-2005, 04:56 PM
yeah, the one thing that struck me was her falling in love with the DA guy. that's just a bit forced conflict to me. that's just a surface evaluation, a knee-jerk reaction, like putting a nun and madonna in the same life raft.

without reading the script, like dp, said, it's hard to say what's needed. i feel individuality comes mostly in the details. put on an armani double-breasted pinstripe suit and slick you hair back doesn't mean that that guy is a gangster at heart. subtext is something you'd want to look into if you don't already have it. in a gangster family, i'm betting that's something they'd really be looking for. in manner in which the mob boss sends his pasta back to the kitchen as the new guy approaches the table indicates a lot about the boss' character, or it could (and it should if he's going to send his food back, eh?).

storyman
09-16-2005, 10:03 AM
I'm too sleepy to think clearly about the details of your characters but I will say this... Have you read "Psychology for Screenwriters" by William Indick, Ph.D.? If you're looking for depth of character it would be a good place to look. This book is long overdue, wish I had it years ago.

Take care,
Robert