Is there comedy in this situation?

[learningtowrite]

Hello all you experienced writers. I am taking a class in screenwriting from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I'm trying to develop a romantic comedy but writing comedy is proving to be my nemesis.

I have a scene where a woman goes into a doctors office to have some moles removed. She is very squeemish about blood and needles. The doctor is someone she is romantically interested in and vice versa.

How would you inject humor into that situation? I had the woman doing lamaze breathing (hee hee, ho ho's) when she got the shots and when all is done and she thinks she's made it through the worst, she sits up sees the bloody moles on the table and faints.

Is the situation not one for adding comedy? What kind of things would make that funny?

Lee

[Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse]

comedy often comes from the conflict of characters.

what are the two personalities like?
is she overly talkative,
is he tired of these people who faint at everything and thinks she is just some typical city girl.

the comedy comes from their difference and their interaction (Morecambe and Wise etc).
the more detail you give about these two characters, the more people can help.
and welcome to AW!

[learningtowrite]

The woman is a techno-nut and the man is a technophobe. The woman thinks computers are great and uses technology to communicate every chance she gets (instant messages, text messages, email) to the point that she avoids the phone and personal contact when electronic contact can be done. The man believes in face to face contact and thinks computers have reduced relationships to superficial acquaintenances. The woman is more playful and lively and creative. The man is more serious and practical.

Does that help?

[Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse]

yes, that helps.

how many times have they met before this and what did those meetings go like?

[scripter1]

removing moles isn't that bloody.
The shots hurt a little, worse around the lips.

Comedy can be injected anywhere except in the most serious and sacred of situations.
Someone getting cosmetic surgery is fair game.

The comedy needs to feel natural to the characters and the scene.

The breathing may cause a few smiles and so that is a start.
Zoo is correct, the comedy will come from the conflicts between the two.
Her efforts to impress him which grow increasingly more dramatic versus his efforts to do his job which become increasingly more unique or aggresive.

[learningtowrite]

Well, the moles are on her butt and they are big moles like you'd find on a witches nose with a hair growing out of them so some flesh has to be removed with them. That's kinda funny.

Conflict between them...hmmmmm, well she has researched him via Google to try and learn more about him. I guess she could have found someone on Google with the same name who was a member of a foot fetish and she tries to pick things up with her feet or pinch him with her toes?

Previous meetings have been casual. Perhaps their first meeting should be antagonistic but then I'd have to find a reason for her to research him (part of the story line).

[alleycat]

Here’s a few “starter” ideas:

-Every time the doctor get close to the woman he forget what he’s doing and his libido takes over and he becomes a klutz, which makes the women even more nervous.

-The woman (in a flirtatious but innocent voice) offers to remove her blouse. Well now, the doctors thinks.

-The two give up all pretense of just being doctor and patient and start to kiss; at that point the doctor’s smart-mouth nurse barges into the room.

-The doctor catches the woman as she faints; she’s in her arms now. Hmmm…

-The doctor does the breathing exercise along with the woman; only he gets winded and has to sit down.

-The woman notices the stirrups on the exam table and impishly hints at some bedroom antics.

-The moles begins to move and the doctor start swatting at them (slapstick).

-The woman could flirtatiously demand the shot be given in her shapely backside. Hmm?

-The doctor (his mind elsewhere) removes the wrong mole. The one he removes is her “beauty mark”.

-The doctor could be pompous (what a surprise) and begins to brag about himself. The woman is impressed and asks even more questions. Turns out he got his medical degree from Podunk State, or a correspondence course (hey, it’s theater).

-The woman removes an article of clothing, the doctor begins to get hot and bothered, he removes an article of clothing, she does the same, then he…faster and faster until they are both almost undressed.

-The doctor shows the woman a small needle and tell her not to worry; as she turns away, he takes out a giant needle; just then she turns back around, he has to hide the needle quickly…repeat, repeat.

-The doctor’s smart-mouth nurse is there from the start; she sees what is going on between the two and makes all sort of wisecracks to the doctor’s embarrassment.

I didn’t say any of these weren’t hackneyed! I can do fifty more if you want 'em.

ac

Forgive any typos, I typed these quickly.

[Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse]

the way that most formula romantic comedy works is through this simple method:

they meet, dislike eachother, circumstances out of their control may force them to do something together (a funeral of mutual friend, a car breaking down etc)/ or they may find that they need eachother for something (such as having boils removed).
normally their is an evolution where they slowly start to like eachother and each have positive effects on the other (normally noted by the token comedy friend who will state 'you've changed').
then, once things seem to going so well and perhaps they trust eachother or the next big step is about to come up, a scissors crisis will happen.
normally this will involve the evolution from dislike to really like falter and come back to a point worse than the beginning (eg - really hate the other person now).
this scissors crisis may be something liike this (as it usually is)
Man B made a bet with Comedy Friend C that he could get married in 50 days. Man B starts to fall for the bitchy Girl A. Girl A finds out from Man who wants Man B's career (Nasty Man D) about the bet and hates Man B for it. Thus their evolution is broken.

He has to make some gesture to win her back. For example if this bet was for his business and if he loses he loses his entire career (which meant so much to him before he met her). Thus the scissors, also known as the crossroads. Man B (or Girl A) have to make a call as to whether they will follow their life goals before they met the opposite lead or their new ones (completing the internal change that comedy friend C mentioned earlier).
this grand climax is normally met by something that the character was previously afraid of. for example Man B is afraid of drowning, but Girl A loves swimming. He jumps into the water to get her.

in order to know how this scene can fit into that, and to make it funny, it has to fit in with the rest of your story.

is this part the scissors crisis? are we even near that yet? it has to be coherent with the formulaic evolution - and the more info you can give about where we are in the whole plan of things, the funnier this scene can get.

what is her job? is she a journalist investigating the hospital he works at???
that would be a reason why she would investigate him and the hospital.
thus, when he finds out about this he hates her as he feels he has been used.

[bluejester12]

1. she's a techno nut

2. she hates shots


An idea would be to have her ask him if there is some computer, like laser eye surgery to remove the moles, some outrageous request even like a program.

A. If there is, the doc could argue against computers

B.. If there isn't, thats good to because both lead to

C. A chance for them to show their differing opinions on technology and set up up for future situations.

[dpaterso]

Mole removal doesn't exactly have that "rolling in the aisles" funny ha-ha effect. I'd make him a socially retarded gynecologist with an Oedipus complex and give her a rare veneral disease she caught off a computer keyboard. At some point he realizes he's missing his diver's wristwatch and suspects the worst.

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

[odocoileus]

Is JJ Murphy still teaching that class? Or Jim K?

If it's JJ, you should find a way to involve Ultimate Fighting in the script. JJ loves that, so it'll boost your grade. :box: :ROFL:

[preyer]

is there humour in the scene? as it is, the gross kind which, i think, has a great potential to kill the best part of this being a relationship building scene if it's critical. it feels as if this scene is being more explored for comedic effect than being used for building the story. i think it should be the other way around, knowing what you want the scene to accomplish first *then* working in something humourous. this has got a slight gallows humour feel to it to me. the doctor removes some hideous growth from her body, then their eyes meet and a special chemical bond kicks in? hm, not exactly the fast track to a man's heart, eh?

how would *i* handle it? probably send the obligatory gay friend in to do some recon. you can find out where the doctor stands, provide some information, while doing the gross stuff if that's your wont to do, which could have some minour comedic effects later on when at lunch the friend has problems sitting comfortably while telling the girl what's going on with the doctor. when the time is right, go back and do the seduction scene in the observation room where she shows some shoulder, a little hip, etc., *not* the full monty. her seduction moves is garnered from the internut, which would give me plenty of comedic scenes of porn watching with friends and the ensuing commentary, though eventually she finds what she wants. this also can be used later to show the doctor the benefits of having a computer and what it can teach, since he comments very positively on what she did and that he can't walk into observation room 3 without thinking of her.

something like that. in lieu of the gay friend, it could be a friend who's in love with her or a nosy neighbour playing matchmaker, her overbearing mother or the girl's girlfriend trying to get the doctor for herself. anything but her is my opinion.

some humour comes out in the type of character you're placing on top of the situation (the basis of situation comedies). the virginal nun is going to have a different reaction upon waking up in the middle of a nude beach than will a wordly, recently divorced middle-aged woman. given the situation and character, most of the gags should almost write themselves.

i understand your scene is almost a worst-case scenario, but putting her in the chair i don't think is the way to go here. another thing is it puts a moral dilema in the doctor which some people may find uncomfortable (in regards to his character, that is) when the doctor gives in to his urges and abandons his sensibilities. that could detract from him being a good guy worth pursuing, no?

an off-beat romantic comedy? well, i'd have the friend slip the doctor some viagra before the big date. it'd partially be revenge for what the friend considers to be torture by the doctor's hand for accidentally insulting the doctor's alma mater. i'd probably have the two get slight revenges on one another while the doctor woos the girl and the friend is ironically trying to put the two together, all the while justified to a certain degree, such as rigging the doctor's car engine to practically explode that somehow forces him to call the girl, i.e. he gets revenge but has some kind of perverse justification. a revenge romantic comedy works for me. :) i mean, since you're already putting your characters through hell, explore all the things that people do to please other people, eh? like her getting a bikini wax, the doctor 'man-scaping' his hairy asss, her spending a lot of money on a dress that gets ruined, him buying an expensive cologne she's allergic to, whatever.

[learningtowrite]

Great ideas, everyone! Thanks a bunch. I used to think I was creative but now that I hear everyone's ideas I can see that I need to loosen up and broaden my horizons. :-D

[NikeeGoddess]

see now - i'd write it to go against the normal romantic comedy formula - i'd make the doctor infatuated with the woman patient. she's still squeamish and he doesn't want to freak her out with needles and a blade to slice off that mole but, when she faints....he faints (or reacts some other freaky way).

[preyer]

don't worry about being creative for its own sake. write what you'd like to watch, then fix what's wrong. i'm sure someone out there will split their sides laughing almost any way you approach it. if they don't like this one particular scene they'll ask you to change it.

i think it's important to bear in mind, too, as it's been said many times, this stuff is more craft than art. don't confuse any lack of craft with not being creative. i can't speak for anyone but myself, but i think once you start writing and get some serious pages under your belt, your options will open up to you. after awhile you know what *should* happen next. what you do with that knowledge is up to you. after this scene in the doctor's office, what's the next logical scene to you?

[Boo_Radley]

There are many, many situations from which comedy can spring forth. Mel Brooks once said (I'm paraphrasing so don't go jumping all over me if I get this wrong), "Tragedy is stubbing your toe...comedy is falling through an open manhole."

In other words, you take something normally serious and uncomedic and exaggerate it to the nth degree, either by dialogue or by action (preferably action since screenplays are a visual medium). Just my two cents.

[WritingFool]

she farts when shes nervous...just came to mind.

Maybe the more nervous/scared she gets the harder/worse she farts.

Maybe get a kick out of the doctors appaulness, or weakness to the smell.
I dont know why, but the scene in "down parescope"(however you spell 'parascope').. when the guy farts so bad, at 'ALL QUIET" enough to water eyes came to mind there.

I thought that was cute.

[dpaterso]

The thing about rom-coms is, the hetero male audience is supposed to fall in love or at least want to be with the female lead (expect many Meg Ryan-ish close ups, dewy eyes, glossy lips, windswept hair, oozing "take me... but gently" appeal), while the love-starved female audience is supposed to want the male lead to tear off their clothes with his teeth and worship them for all time.

So we've got the female lead in close up -- my God, she's lovely! Be still my beating heart! -- having her facial moles removed. Eeeewww, gross! And the male lead bending forward into camera, his face a handsome mask of intense concentration, his lips puckering... as he lifts his mole-removing tool into shot.

I can't say for sure but those could be turn-off moments. I strongly suspect the farting problem might have a similar effect. <waves hand in front of nose>

-Derek
Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57/scripts.htm)

[preyer]

i think the question is if that scene has a gross-out moment for the sake of comedy, does that distract from the purpose of the scene which is to have another love connection between the characters? if this isn't another way to build their relationship up, or that way is blocked by the comedy itself for whatever reason, you'll have to use another scene to have it happen effectively, which rather negates the real reason why as a storyteller, not comic-writer, you'd put that in in the first place. maybe there's a reason it's called romantic-comedy and not comedy-romance, eh?

[JERETHAL]

There isn't anything you can do to inject humor into that situation. Forget about trying and move on. Delete the scene and create another situation.

You have to know all this before you start. you should have outlined your story before you started. I realize the muses get a hold of you and take you places you didn't intend, but you should not be in the place you're in. You're wasting time and effort by trying to get a laugh out of a non funny situation.