TedTheewen
05-03-2010, 06:58 AM
Ah, May!
Thunderstorms, late-season frost, bunny rabbits and working in the yard.
May is time for Mother's Day and young maidens dancing around a phallic symbol in celebration of fertility--the original pole dance.
May is when we spy on the young neighbor laying out in the sun to get her first tan of the year and we find a stupid reason to get closer to her so we can gawk at her gorgeous body glistening in the sun. So we make up a lame excuse like a missing puppy we never had or how we have too much hard liquor in the house and we hate to drink alone. We all do that, right?
Okay, nevermind.
May is also time to get the garden planted so the various bugs and rodents have something to steal from us. Just today I was out working in my garden, which is really a collection of sod clumps and weeds struggling to take root before I hit them again with the rototiller.
This year, I'm planting potatoes, hot peppers and an odd assortment a green crap I'd never usually eat unless I had to in order to keep it from rotting in my garden.
Gardening is fun. It's also kinda creepy.
Nevermind the worms and slugs--what's with that rabbit giving me the stink-eye every time I pick some rhubarb?
What if my pepper seeds weren't pepper seeds?
What if something was in my garden and didn't approve of my variety of broccoli?
What if that stupid hump in the yard I tilled up to make my garden was really an Indian burial mound and my Troybilt tiller pissed him off?
Why is the garden gnome looking at me and smiling?
What is Old Lady Kepler's real secret for her giant pumpkins?
I have a friend who lives, eats and breathes orchids. He's been in magazines and books for it. He's the President of a ton of different Orchid societies. I've always thought his relationship with his orchids was a bit too intimate.
And then there's kudzu. Easy to plant--just throw the seeds and run. It'll grow a foot a day down south.
So the topic this month is The Garden.
Let's see what stories we can come up with that involve a garden, or gardening, or the weirdos who get so involved with it they buy shoes that match their pruning sheers.
If my peppers come up right, along with my tomatoes, I might have a jar of my extra special Ted's Sphincter-B-Gone salsa for the best entries.
Enjoy!
Thunderstorms, late-season frost, bunny rabbits and working in the yard.
May is time for Mother's Day and young maidens dancing around a phallic symbol in celebration of fertility--the original pole dance.
May is when we spy on the young neighbor laying out in the sun to get her first tan of the year and we find a stupid reason to get closer to her so we can gawk at her gorgeous body glistening in the sun. So we make up a lame excuse like a missing puppy we never had or how we have too much hard liquor in the house and we hate to drink alone. We all do that, right?
Okay, nevermind.
May is also time to get the garden planted so the various bugs and rodents have something to steal from us. Just today I was out working in my garden, which is really a collection of sod clumps and weeds struggling to take root before I hit them again with the rototiller.
This year, I'm planting potatoes, hot peppers and an odd assortment a green crap I'd never usually eat unless I had to in order to keep it from rotting in my garden.
Gardening is fun. It's also kinda creepy.
Nevermind the worms and slugs--what's with that rabbit giving me the stink-eye every time I pick some rhubarb?
What if my pepper seeds weren't pepper seeds?
What if something was in my garden and didn't approve of my variety of broccoli?
What if that stupid hump in the yard I tilled up to make my garden was really an Indian burial mound and my Troybilt tiller pissed him off?
Why is the garden gnome looking at me and smiling?
What is Old Lady Kepler's real secret for her giant pumpkins?
I have a friend who lives, eats and breathes orchids. He's been in magazines and books for it. He's the President of a ton of different Orchid societies. I've always thought his relationship with his orchids was a bit too intimate.
And then there's kudzu. Easy to plant--just throw the seeds and run. It'll grow a foot a day down south.
So the topic this month is The Garden.
Let's see what stories we can come up with that involve a garden, or gardening, or the weirdos who get so involved with it they buy shoes that match their pruning sheers.
If my peppers come up right, along with my tomatoes, I might have a jar of my extra special Ted's Sphincter-B-Gone salsa for the best entries.
Enjoy!