When a scene squicks you out...

[Ruth2]

I'm in rewrites. I have lots of erotic scenes in my WIP but one really bugs me and I don't know why. My male MC is giving my female MC a hand job in the back of a car. No biggie, right? It really bugs me. I don't know if it doesn't fit what he would do or if it's my own stuff intruding.

How can I find out which one is it? If it doesn't fit I want to remove it but if it's just me, then I'll leave it in.

Ideas?

Thanks.

[Captcha]

I don't really understand - is it the action itself that you aren't liking, or the location, or...?

I guess if you aren't sure if it fits, that's a great time for someone else to read it. I'd think that they might need to read the whole book, if you're just worried that it might be out of character, or something.

BTW - is it still called a hand job if it's performed on a woman? I wouldn't have said so...

[SWest]

Yes, you pro'ly need a beta of the entire section leading up to the scene...a synopsis is not likely to get reliable opinions.

[Ruth2]

I don't really understand - is it the action itself that you aren't liking, or the location, or...?

I guess if you aren't sure if it fits, that's a great time for someone else to read it. I'd think that they might need to read the whole book, if you're just worried that it might be out of character, or something.

BTW - is it still called a hand job if it's performed on a woman? I wouldn't have said so...

Hmm, I'm sure you're right, Kate. I couldn't think of what the equivalent would be for a woman-- fingering? It's the action that bothers me-- they're in the backseat of a car; two men are in the front, oblivious to what's going on. For some reason the fingering has me squicked out. I can see them doing it but it's still terribly uncomfortable for me.

Thanks.

Yes, you pro'ly need a beta of the entire section leading up to the scene...a synopsis is not likely to get reliable opinions.

SWest-- <sigh> I guess you're right. Thanks. I appreciate it.

[Captcha]

Yeah, if there's someone else in the front seat, it goes from pretty white bread to pretty kinky, pretty fast!

Are your characters otherwise exhibitionist, or into 'dare' style sex? Is your female character into the situation, or is she uncomfortable with it? Would your male character care if she was?

And maybe it's partly just the word! I agree that 'fingering' is more likely the term to describe it, but that word is not a favourite of mine...

[Ruth2]

Yeah, if there's someone else in the front seat, it goes from pretty white bread to pretty kinky, pretty fast!

Are your characters otherwise exhibitionist, or into 'dare' style sex? Is your female character into the situation, or is she uncomfortable with it? Would your male character care if she was?

And maybe it's partly just the word! I agree that 'fingering' is more likely the term to describe it, but that word is not a favourite of mine...

It's a paranormal erotic romance. She's Trilby to the male MC's Svengali; he's also her king and a distant relative. Is she uncomfortable with it? At this point, yes. Does he care? Yes but it wouldn't be a factor. He's deliberately breaking down her value system so as to impose his. He has a reason for doing this.

Still squicky but it's probably my squick and not a flaw in the scene (well, maybe it's not as well written as it should be.)

Thanks, Kate!

[Darklite]

Write the scene, leave it in and when it goes to betas they'll soon tell you if it isn't right. As long as it's written in the right way, I think a scene like that has the potential to be rather hot. And that's your intention, isn't it?

[Ruth2]

Write the scene, leave it in and when it goes to betas they'll soon tell you if it isn't right. As long as it's written in the right way, I think a scene like that has the potential to be rather hot. And that's your intention, isn't it?

Definitely, Darklite. Thanks!

[MarkEsq]

It's entirely possible that you've written it so well, the scene is having an effect on you as a reader. If he's breaking down her value system in this way, then I assume you want the reader to understand the dynamic between them, and I can totally see how this could be both sexy and disturbing at the same time. It's sort of consensual (in terms of the act) but sort of not (the underlying motivation of the MC). So maybe you've done a great job with a simple hand job. :)

[Ruth2]

It's entirely possible that you've written it so well, the scene is having an effect on you as a reader. If he's breaking down her value system in this way, then I assume you want the reader to understand the dynamic between them, and I can totally see how this could be both sexy and disturbing at the same time. It's sort of consensual (in terms of the act) but sort of not (the underlying motivation of the MC). So maybe you've done a great job with a simple hand job. :)

hey Mark! How goes it?

Hmmmm... It'd be nice to think that but I don't think I'm quite that good yet. I'm fine with the scene until he gets into her pants and then it bothers me. It's like it goes into dirty old man territory. I dunno.

Thanks for the vote of confidence though. :)

[veinglory]

IMHO is it a little, um, nasty. Nasty can be good--but maybe your instincts are telling you this scene doesn't fit the characters or the tone of the rest of the book?

[kdbeaar]

I have found (and this is with my middle grade stuff, not erotica, but I think it still applies), that every time I'm uncomfortable with a scene, thinking it's off, or doesn't quite work, that's the scene that gets criticized the most by someone who reads for me.

So trust your instincts; if you feel like it's not working, it's probably not.

[Satori1977]

It could be that the scene doesn't work for some reason, and your characters (gut? whatever) are trying to tell you.

Or it could be a personal reason behind it. I wrote a scene once that dredged up some old memories, something I thought I was find with, but wasn't. Bothered me for days. I would let the scene sit for awhile before going back to it. Maybe get someone else to read it as well, see what they think.

[Ruth2]

IMHO is it a little, um, nasty. Nasty can be good--but maybe your instincts are telling you this scene doesn't fit the characters or the tone of the rest of the book?

I don't know if this is it or not. I asked a friend to read it and tell me if he thought he'd do it; he said 'absolutely'. However he's more.. adventuresome than I am so... I've had betas read it and no one's balked at it yet, so maybe it's me.

I have found (and this is with my middle grade stuff, not erotica, but I think it still applies), that every time I'm uncomfortable with a scene, thinking it's off, or doesn't quite work, that's the scene that gets criticized the most by someone who reads for me.

So trust your instincts; if you feel like it's not working, it's probably not.

I'm not sure if it doesn't work or if I don't want it to work. Like veinglory mentioned, it feels 'nasty' to me. Why? Beats me...

It could be that the scene doesn't work for some reason, and your characters (gut? whatever) are trying to tell you.

Or it could be a personal reason behind it. I wrote a scene once that dredged up some old memories, something I thought I was find with, but wasn't. Bothered me for days. I would let the scene sit for awhile before going back to it. Maybe get someone else to read it as well, see what they think.

I've had a few people read it and no one's mentioned it so maybe it's me. It does vaguely touch on something in my past so... <shrug>

Thanks y'all for responding!

[MargueriteMing]

I don't really understand - is it the action itself that you aren't liking, or the location, or...?

I guess if you aren't sure if it fits, that's a great time for someone else to read it. I'd think that they might need to read the whole book, if you're just worried that it might be out of character, or something.

BTW - is it still called a hand job if it's performed on a woman? I wouldn't have said so...

If the finger(s) are inside, it's finger-fucking.


Should this be in the NC-17 forum?

[Ruth2]

Hey MM,

At first I didn't think so but at this point probably. I put it here because it dealt with writing. If a mod wants to move it, it's fine with me.