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commasplicer
04-03-2010, 09:40 PM
Hi all,

I am struggling with a sentence and would appreciate some guidance. The sentence is:

Inside his imposing frame, there beat the kindest heart I've known.

I like the rhythm and feel of this sentence, but I'm not sure if it is sound grammatically.

Thanks.

Kateness
04-03-2010, 09:53 PM
Seems to me like you could excise the comma and 'there'

Inside his imposing frame beat the kindest heart I've known.

Rufus Coppertop
04-03-2010, 10:01 PM
Seems to me like you could excise the comma and 'there'

Inside his imposing frame beat the kindest heart I've known.

You took the words right out from under my fingertips.

Lady Ice
04-03-2010, 10:10 PM
I'd say:
'Inside his imposing frame, there beats/beat the kindest heart I've ever known' (beats if he still lives, beat if he's dead, or at least, 'dead' to the narrator) Maybe delete 'there'?

commasplicer
04-03-2010, 10:18 PM
Thanks, all. That's what I needed.

JayG
04-04-2010, 01:14 AM
What's the function of the word, "there?" To me the ending has less of a sing-songy feel to it without the word. Your mileage may vary, of course.

blacbird
04-04-2010, 02:05 AM
Echo what Kate, Rufus and JayG all said. "There" is superfluous. Worth remembering. It often is.

caw