Plot DOA . . . suggestions to revive it?

[Ambri]

Hi, there. I'm new here. I've been writing for ages, and recently, I've been trying to rework one of my main WIP . . . I admittedly have a love-hate relationship with this MS, cause I've literally worked on it, off and on, for about a decade. It's a space fantasy, or possibly space opera. In the words of one of my beta readers, the plot currently is: "Pocahontas in space." That's a bit of an oversimplification, but not by a lot. I feel that the plot sucks, and is a cliche, despite the fact that I made the hero non-caucasian and the "tribal girl" he falls for more caucasian. I don't think that's enough of a twist on this cliche/ trope, though. I know this plot worked for Avatar, but then again, he could throw a few million dollars into amazing CGI, so no one watching it cared it was tribal-princess-meets-white-guy-who-saves-her-people-from-evil-white-people-corporate-greed. :P

Sorry for the ramble, but if anyone has suggestions for an overhaul or a different direction in which I can take this, I would love you forever . . . figuratively of course. ;)

Thanks!

[Ruv Draba]

Hi Ambri and welcome.

There's a thing called the 'lender's trap', where a creditor lends so much money to someone that when they can't pay the money back, the creditor needs to lend more.

Most writers have more than one good story in them, and it's really rare that the first story they come up with is their best. So before investing more energy in a new story idea, why not ask yourself this question...

If you had a blank page in front of you and no prior work, would you start writing 'Pocahontas in Space' again? Why or why not?

A longer answer is that if you want to write entertaining, interesting fiction, it needs something to say that people haven't read before, or a way of seeing it that people haven't seen. Pocahontas is a familiar story -- a tale of bridging cultural barriers, of colonialism (actually it's several familiar stories). Do you have something to add to the familiar romances and tragedies told around these themes? If so, what is it?

If not, why not start something new?

[sunandshadow]

Is the villain interesting? Creating a deep and unique villain can make a plot come alive and start twisting itself in interesting ways.

[glutton]

I'd be interesting in reading Pocahontas In Space if "Pocahontas" was awesome enough. An awesome John Smith might do it for some too, but I'm looking more at you Pocahontas... ;)

[Purple Tulip]

Maybe the twist is that the tribal people save themselves for a change. Not only that, but they do it without the help of the "white messiah".

Or...maybe the tribal princess sells out her own people and becomes the villain.

[Layla Nahar]

hmm - um I think there really are only 10 or so plots. I agree with that idea. Like, Avatar etc - that's also Romeo & Juliet (Which is Pyramus & Thisbee). Its worked for a lot of stories.

There must have been something in it to make you stick with it this long. I have to admit, I think that having an encultured brown guy fall for a tribal white girl is pretty neat. what about the world building? what is appealing about that place? have there been any wars? is there chaos? if it is a stable society, how does the primitive plante fit into it? what is the legend/mythology/history of the civilisation where they all live (eg the brown culture guy and - oh how does this girls planet fit into the whole thing? what are is at stake for the characters? could you write a short story that expands some aspect of this place? I'm for working it out, rather than walking away. but decide on some limiting goals that will let you walk away from it complete, even if it's not very good.

good luck
(oh one other possibilty - for the finishing & getting it out of the way - I know its a long shot but, is there any possibility you could write it as a short story?)

[RainyDayNinja]

In the words of Raymond Chandler: "When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand."

Also, I've heard of some people doing tarot card readings for their characters to determine what happens to them. I've never tried it, but it could be interesting.

[waylander]

What is the worst thing that could happen to your characters?
Have it happen and then make them handle it.
You only find out about your characters when you put them under pressure

[Ambri]

Wow, thanks for all the helpful replies, everyone. I'm so glad I found this site :)


What is the worst thing that could happen to your characters?


GOOD question. I assume you mean besides death? ;) I will have to figure out the "second" worst thing that could happen to my MCs.

I also like the idea of doing a tarot reading for one or more of my characters. I think fleshing out the two villains more might help. I had played around with the idea of telling the whole story from "Pocahontas'" "ex-boyfriend", ie the village hunter/ warrior whose whole way of life is threatened by these "Strangers." But I don't really like the guy; he's hot headed, stubborn, narrow-minded . . . but maybe there's room for more scenes with his POV.


I'd be interesting in reading Pocahontas In Space if "Pocahontas" was awesome enough. An awesome John Smith might do it for some too, but I'm looking more at you Pocahontas...


Yeah, I hope/ think my MC is pretty awesome. She is my all-time fave character, which is probably one of the reasons I keep coming back to this.


There must have been something in it to make you stick with it this long. I have to admit, I think that having an encultured brown guy fall for a tribal white girl is pretty neat. what about the world building?


I have the world building, ie forest and village and history/ culture/ religion/ magic, etc in a decent state of complexity. Maybe I should flesh out the space-age planets/ culture more . . .

Maybe the twist is that the tribal people save themselves for a change. Not only that, but they do it without the help of the "white messiah".

Good suggestion! Actually, my heroine, I'll call her Mai, DOES end up saving her people herself. The guy helps in a kind of "must save her, will think through the ramifications of my actions" way, which mostly just makes things worse. Maybe I should emphasize the fact that she saves her people her own damn self?

I had also played around with other ideas, like the explorers are shot down by evil space pirate/ raiders, and have to team up with the forest people, but I couldn't quite figure out a way to do that without having it be cheesy. . . . I think maybe my biggest problem is I'm too close to this thing.

In any case, THANK YOU all for all your helpful advice and ideas . . . and for letting me go on a caffeine-fueled tangent ;)