speech and thought/action--same line or next?

[sydney]

So I've been having trouble with knowing when speech should be on a new line or if it should stay on the same line as a thought/action.

Right now I have this:

I look at Carter. He’s actually toeing circles.
"What?"
The "what" is spoken by the MC (story is first person present) and I only put it on a new line because the MC just talked about Carter doing something.

I swallow involuntarily. My palms wet. That thing left of center bashes against my ribs. I feel like blood is going to shoot out of me. It's so fast.
"Okay."

Similar thing here except it's only the MC.

[silkyeggsalad]

hmm...

For the first one, you've got the "I" and the "he", so there could be confusion as to who is speaking. I'd say tag the "what?"

I'm not sure it matters which line it's on. I think -- for the sake of clarity -- keep it on a new line and tag it. Can't hurt, right? Here's what I mean:

I look at Carter. He's acutally toeing circles.
"What?" I said.

For the second example, I don't think you need to tag. But (always a but), it really depends on the dialogue that follows the "okay". If the MC is alone, you don't need the tag but should still be a new line. If the MC is talking with someone else, a tag on the line after "okay" could be helpful.

Hopefully, the readers become familiar enough with your characters' personality that they won't need tags to be told who is speaking.

[dawinsor]

It's tricky because a new paragraph signals a change in speakers, and you don't want to miscue the reader. I'd put the "okay" in the same paragraph but this is an art, not a science.

[Libbie]

I prefer to keep the dialogue in the same line as that character's thoughts or actions, unless a paragraph break is warranted (as in when a character relates a long piece of dialogue. This is usually pretty rare, although I have a whole chapter that's the oral recitation of a bit of family history in my novel so I did end up with a lot of this stuff... ;) )

What you DON'T want to do is attach a character's actions to another's dialogue or thoughts. It just looks all confused and crazy. I'm reading a book now (trying to, at any rate) that was not well edited, and it's full of this kind of thing:



"I like owls," Libbie said. She put her hand to her heart and sighed. Lori rolled her eyes and spit out the window.

"I know you do," she said."


I suppose there's nothing TECHNICALLY wrong with that style of ordering dialogue and action, but it's obnoxious to read.

I just had to vent, because I'm so ticked off at the editing in this book. I'd like to finish it, but not sure if I will be able to because IT'S ANNOYING ME!

[maestrowork]

If it's not a long paragraph and if there's no particular reason (such as emphasis) for you to split the line, keep the dialogue in the same line.

I also agree when you have a short paragraph and two subjects, you may want to tag the dialogue to make sure we know who is speaking, unless the voice is very clear or you use names:

I look at Carter. He’s actually toeing circles. "What?" I say.
or
I look at Carter. He’s actually toeing circles. "What, Carter?"

However, if the context is clear (for example, Carter was the one who spoke last and the MC is questioning him) and since you started the paragraph with "I," you could probably get away without the tag.

Basically, clarity is key here.

[pink lily]

I keep dialogue and thoughts in the same line/paragraph. I don't know if it is correct or not, it's just my personal preference.

[The Lonely One]

I look at Carter. He’s actually toeing circles. "What?" I say.

I swallow involuntarily. My palms wet. That thing left of center bashes against my ribs. I feel like blood is going to shoot out of me. It's so fast. "Okay."


This is probably how I would write them though I don't get what's cuing the narrator to say "what" or "okay" in either instance.

In the first instance I get the feeling he's impatiently waiting for Carter to reveal something.

In the second I feel like he's talking to himself, though I don't know why he says "okay" unless he's trying to tell himself it will be okay or, "okay, we're going to deal with this now."

It also took me a minute to figure out "the thing left of center" meant heart. I was thinking an external source, some sort of bludgeoning of the ribs.

But then again I'm totally out of context.

Though typically, as a rule, I'd say it's okay to keep dialog in a paragraph where the narrator is acting. It's economical a lot of times. If there's confusion tag the responding line, perhaps, or even just have the other character say something specific to himself to indicate who's who. There are lots of tricks.

[Bufty]

Same character/same paragraph usually works fine.

The sequence in response to any given stimulus- whether or not they are all used is normally to feel, think, act and then speak, in that specific order, but clarity should be the overriding aim.

[Mark G]

I've seen it mostly on the same line/paragraph; and I like it a lot better than the "he said", "she said" mechanism... which feels repetitive and mechanical.

[sydney]

Thanks for all the help you guys!

I thought there was a big rule or something but I guess it really doesn't matter as long as it's clear.

Thank you again :D

[bonitakale]

A lot of times, an action will substitute for a speech, and then, I think, a new paragraph is needed.

"Sylvia, come on."
She sat on the bed and didn't look at him.
"If we don't leave now, we'll be late."
She folded her hands in her lap.

[Bufty]

True, but it's a matter of choice.

The first three lines here could go in one paragraph even though it's mixing, because it's still clear what's happening.

"Sylvia, come on." She sat on the bed and didn't look at him. "If we don't leave now, we'll be late."

She folded her hands in her lap.

A lot of times, an action will substitute for a speech, and then, I think, a new paragraph is needed.

"Sylvia, come on."
She sat on the bed and didn't look at him.
"If we don't leave now, we'll be late."
She folded her hands in her lap.