How to do "tell" well?

[Kitty Pryde]

So, "show, don't tell". Unless it works. Unless you need to. Etc. So how do I make sure it works?

In my current YA fantasy novel WIP, halfway through the story the MC is made to live through someones else's entire life. 20 years, one chapter. I need to use "telling", I think, as I have him describing what it's like to be another person. I don't think "show" works, as in showing brief snippets of time. He's defining life as sort of the daily grind and regular occurrences, rather than any few specific highlights.

I'm trying to keep everything relevant to the plot and to the narrator's emotions, as well as interesting. I've got a certain amount of tension as the MC doesn't know why he's living someone else's life, and he/the reader is anxious to get back to the main storyline. Any other advice for keeping the story interesting with all this tell-iness going on?

[maestrowork]

In my current YA fantasy novel WIP, halfway through the story the MC is made to live through someones else's entire life. 20 years, one chapter. I need to use "telling", I think, as I have him describing what it's like to be another person. I don't think "show" works, as in showing brief snippets of time. He's defining life as sort of the daily grind and regular occurrences, rather than any few specific highlights.

Intriguing. How do you compress a life of 20 years into one chapter and make it interesting, vivd but also not bogging down the story? I think the idea would be to pick and choose highlights and details and pepper them throughout the narrative. There are ways to "tell" and make it interesting instead of "he did this, he did that." Study some of the masters, such as Jane Austen or Hemingway; they knew how to tell well.

Also, focus on the essence of the 20 years -- the emotional aspect of it. I mean, think of your own life in the past 20 years. Most days wouldn't even register in my memories because they were ordinary, but they on the whole created sort of a feeling and concept of what your life was like. Then there are those special events, bits and pieces of memories that just pop out at you. Some could be mundane but pack extra meanings. Some events might be extraordinary. But these are the pieces that jump at us from the "generalness" of our lives.

Treat such a narrative the same way. Give us the gist, the feeling, the emotional impact of the compressed time, but also pepper that with specific details of special, defining moments.


p.s. that said, 20 years is a long time? It seems kind of inconsequential if your MC lives through someone else's life for 20 years and then he just glossed over them.

Also, do you need to talk about those 20 years, whether in a paragraph or a chapter? As the writer, you have a choice to cover something or not, and would it be better if you just gloss over the whole thing and summarize it in a sentence or two, then get back to your main story and maybe insert details here and there about those 20 years?

Mitch Albom's Five People You Meet In Heaven deals with something like that. The main story is what happens after the MC dies and goes to heaven, but Albom added short paragraphs snippets of the MC's life, but these snippets are important and relevant to the main story. As an aggregate they also give us a feeling and the essence of what his life was like.

[Danthia]

Stay strong in the POV and let them experience this through their eyes. If it's in their voice, with their judgments on what they see, their emotions as they react to it, it'll feel more like them relaying what they see and less like you telling the reader what they see.

[vox]

I'd say also to make sure that the purpose for which this character is subjected to living those 20 years is clear to the reader - even if it's not clear to the MC. I don't mean come out and say it, but rather let the reader glean the purpose from the telling of the experience. I think for something as unusual as this, they'd better be able to understand why it's important.

And also, as Danitha said, let the character's emotions show through.

[Stunted]

IMHO, in addition to making the story move more quickly, telling is a good way to do sort of bigger than every-day life emotions.

To me, what you're describing is a good situation in which to tell.

[Kitty Pryde]

p.s. that said, 20 years is a long time? It seems kind of inconsequential if your MC lives through someone else's life for 20 years and then he just glossed over them.

Also, do you need to talk about those 20 years, whether in a paragraph or a chapter? As the writer, you have a choice to cover something or not, and would it be better if you just gloss over the whole thing and summarize it in a sentence or two, then get back to your main story and maybe insert details here and there about those 20 years?

Mitch Albom's Five People You Meet In Heaven deals with something like that. The main story is what happens after the MC dies and goes to heaven, but Albom added short paragraphs snippets of the MC's life, but these snippets are important and relevant to the main story. As an aggregate they also give us a feeling and the essence of what his life was like.

Yeah, that's the thing...MC is only 18, so 20 years is a long time to him. He's also living a much harder life than his own, so it's significant. It's also a long time of going WTF is going on here? I'm trying to give that time weight and importance, but at the same time, not fill a whole book with it, because the actual book is filled with other stuff happening! So I want to TELL you that it was long and arduous, but I can't slog you through every single thing, so I'm telling you this was hard, and that was painful, and this was frustrating, and that was disheartening. By the end of the chapter, the MC has gradually come to think of himself AS the other person and not as himself, which is also tricky. But I want to show details the MC didn't know previously, and I want to show that change, so I do think I need to keep this part expanded. (Doh! Showing by telling...hmm...)

The reason for the chapter being there is that MC convinces his brother to make a big decision, the antagonist wants the brother to make the opposite decision...so the antagonist is basically saying go a mile in your brother's shoes and then tell us you still think he should make the same decision...and then of course the power of love wins out at the end and everyone goes out for indian curry.

[Kitty Pryde]

I'd say also to make sure that the purpose for which this character is subjected to living those 20 years is clear to the reader - even if it's not clear to the MC. I don't mean come out and say it, but rather let the reader glean the purpose from the telling of the experience. I think for something as unusual as this, they'd better be able to understand why it's important.

And also, as Danitha said, let the character's emotions show through.

I think as it is, the astute reader will understand why it's happening, thought the MC doesn't. By the end of the chapter both MC and simpleton reader will know what's going on. And thematically it goes pretty well with the rest of the book so it's not too out-there.

[Juliette Wade]

I agree with Danthia about the emotional aspect. The big things I'm curious about are: what is the emotional experience of the protagonist who experiences this life, and what is the means by which this experience is conveyed? A lot of what seems like "telling" actually can convey a lot about the emotional state of the person doing the telling. So I do wonder whether your protag is experiencing the story of this person's life, or the life experiences directly (i.e. through all the full perceptions of the events). If the latter, you may want to intersperse episodes of full perceptual experience with more "tell-like" sections that deeply reflect the emotional and judgmental reactions of your protagonist to the experience. If, however, the experience is more in a "told" format, then you might include instead the judgments of the person who originally lived that life.

[dgiharris]

There are ways to "tell" and make it interesting instead of "he did this, he did that." ...

Treat such a narrative the same way. Give us the gist, the feeling, the emotional impact of the compressed time, but also pepper that with specific details of special, defining moments.


In my opinion, this is key. Make it interesting and you should be fine.

In fact, I just recently completed a short story where I open with a solid paragraph of Tell and it works great.

first off, the prose in this bit of tell is 'different' then the prose I use for the normal narrative. It is richer and yes a little purple, but what I call a purposeful purple and not just purple to be pretty.

I put a lot of emotion in that paragraph so the reader 'feels' it. It is also as long as it needs to be and not one word longer.

Lastly, it talks about a very intense experience and I hook the reader with it and then it transition brilliantly to the action scene at hand.

Of course, i just have a few pubs and am by no means the alpha and omega of writing, but I feel that when you must tell, it is still possible to do it in an action oriented way. For me personally, if my bit of tell is devoid of action, then the prose becomes that much more important.

Mel...

[Kitty Pryde]

first off, the prose in this bit of tell is 'different' then the prose I use for the normal narrative. It is richer and yes a little purple, but what I call a purposeful purple and not just purple to be pretty.

I put a lot of emotion in that paragraph so the reader 'feels' it. It is also as long as it needs to be and not one word longer.


Interesting you should say that. I definitely did this part in a different, more emotive style. MC is experiencing the life of someone who's a lot more sensitive/emotionally volatile/self-reflective/smart than he is, so that's creeping into his voice a lot. (the whole thing is 1st person pov)


Emotions and keeping it interesting. I've got a start on the emotions bit but I think I need to ramp it up after reading everyone's comments. Interesting--I think I can clean it up and thread in a little more tension and it will be at least as interesting as the rest of the story :D

[Libbie]

Agreeing with Danthia, and to further clarify her point: In order to avoid the impression that you're telling the reader what your main character saw or felt, avoid using "filter" words like "saw" and "felt." For example, this is a filtered passage, and it feels like telling:

Amy saw the truck rushing toward her. She felt it hit her with incredible force. She flew through the air, and saw the ground rushing up toward her.

This is the same passage rewritten without the filter words:

Amy tried to avoid the truck, but it rushed at her. It slammed into her with incredible force. She flew through the air; the ground rushed up to meet her.

It's cheesy and dumb, but the second version is at least more intimate-feeling for the reader than the first.

[NicoleMD]

But I want to show details the MC didn't know previously, and I want to show that change, so I do think I need to keep this part expanded. (Doh! Showing by telling...hmm...)


I think it's the details that sell telling. They need to be crisp, relevant, and interesting, maybe discordant. They're like good seasoning, a few well-placed ones will go a long way. Also, if you don't want to do the whole chapter thing, you could possibly give a small taste to start and intersperse more "showing" flashbacks later???

Good luck!

Nicole

[timewaster]

I'm trying to keep everything relevant to the plot and to the narrator's emotions, as well as interesting. I've got a certain amount of tension as the MC doesn't know why he's living someone else's life, and he/the reader is anxious to get back to the main storyline. Any other advice for keeping the story interesting with all this tell-iness going on?[/quote]

I think it helps to make the writing itself taut and interesting. Don't go on for too long and maybe include moments of shown experience - summary with the odd moment of drama so it isn't too different in texture from the rest. I imagine you want to avoid the leaden dumpiness that can occur so keep it moving and keep it tight.

[ccv707]

Try a stream of consciousness type of chapter, where the character experiences the twenty years through the perceptions and feelings of the other person.

[cwfgal]

My just-released mystery opens with a chapter that is mostly tell. There is a little action interspersed in there but not much. The bulk of the chapter is set up to explain how the MC got to where she is at the moment and how those events affected her.

I have another project I'm working on that involves a character who has had multiple lives. The flashbacks to those lives are interspersed amidst the current action and though they are largely tell, there are some key scenes that are "shown."

Beth (aka Annelise Ryan)

[Izz]

So, "show, don't tell". Unless it works. Unless you need to. Etc. So how do I make sure it works?

<snip> Any other advice for keeping the story interesting with all this tell-iness going on?Read Kelly Link. She's a master of tell.

That is all.