What responses do you HATE when you tell someone you're working on a novel?

lucidzfl · Sep 1, 2009

Why does it seem that every illiterate knuckle dragger in the world wants to lob their two cents at you for conceptual revisions to your novel.

"Oh, you're working on a novel? Whats it about?"

"Its a crime story set in rural Alabama."

"What kind of crime?"

"Murder."

"Like a serial killer?"

"No... just one guy."

"Anyone famous?"

"No actually its a poor black kid that the cops wouldn't investigate so a private detective takes the case."

"You should make it be someone famous, like a governors daughter or something."

"That... That invalidates every single important facet of the story."

"Just saying, it would be cooler. Maybe you should write that story instead. And hey! When you get famous, I want credit!"

How many of you guys have had this very same type of conversation? oh my god! I want to strangle them!

stormie · Sep 1, 2009

"So, when's it going to be published?"

JLM · Sep 1, 2009

The one my mom gives me...a pretending to not hear what I just said about the progress I made recently.

DeleyanLee · Sep 1, 2009

My favorite convo like this happened when I first started this job:

"So, you write. What do you write?"

"At the moment, I'm finishing up a novel."

"Wonderful. Maybe we can read it for the book club."

This book club=literary fiction and various non-fiction (I know this, I was a member)

My book=Erotic Romance

My book+this book club=BAD idea

"Errr, it's not really the kind of thing the group reads."

"Maybe I can take a look at it and let you know."

"OK, but don't say I didn't warn you."

She got about 2 chapters into it before agreeing with me. And it hadn't even gotten to the first sex scene yet.

maestrowork · Sep 1, 2009

"Oh, you're writing a novel? Is it fiction or nonfiction?" (novel is fiction, dumbass)

"I always wanted to write a novel. I have a great idea, maybe you can work on it with me." (sure, let me finish my 12 other ideas first)

"Are you published?" (yes indeed)

"So when are you going on Oprah?" (when she calls, I guess)

CaroGirl · Sep 1, 2009

I rarely tell people I write novels, and when I do, I'm purposely vague about plot and premise. What I tend to say doesn't invite much comment. I'm cool with that.

LOG · Sep 1, 2009

"When is it going to be finished?"
"I don't fucking know, stop asking me!!"

"What's it about?"
'Trying to explain the plot in any way to you would involve revealig information I don't want revealed...' "Fantasy."
"What kind of fantasy."
"Retro-Medieval."
"Huh?"
"Just shut up."

redpanda · Sep 1, 2009

maestrowork said:
"Oh, you're writing a novel? Is it fiction or nonfiction?" (novel is fiction, dumbass)

"I always wanted to write a novel. I have a great idea, maybe you can work on it with me." (sure, let me finish my 12 other ideas first)

"Are you published?" (yes indeed)

"So when are you going on Oprah?" (when she calls, I guess)

I have to say double ditto here. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying, "Your ideas don't work for me," when they try to give input on my stories. Input is important--why else do I put myself through critiques, right? But many of those comments come from people who haven't got a clue. I think maybe they just want to connect, so I try to be nice and complimentary.

And what about Oprah? Does the American public not realize how many published authors there are out there? Not all are going on Oprah!

Stew21 · Sep 1, 2009

from a crinkled up face: "what kind of novel?" (a fiction one...LOL)
"where did you get that idea?" (pulled out of my ass)
the best:

"I write novels."
"Why?"

Silent Rob · Sep 1, 2009

redpanda said:
And what about Oprah? Does the American public not realize how many published authors there are out there? Not all are going on Oprah!

What!!!!111!!!11!

:Jaw:

I'm giving up.

lucidzfl · Sep 1, 2009

I seriously had this conversation with a co-worker last week.

I shit you not.

"I've got a new idea for a book."

"What kind?"

"Young adult."

"Why would you write for kids?"

"Not kids, young adult. Not quite the same."

"Hunh, whats it about."

"Its an allegory for reincarnation because theres this boy who grows old, but at the end of his life he wakes up a five year old, the next day with no recollection. But he's amassed a forture along the way and he's trying to find out who he is."

"Well, thats a shitty analogy for reincarnation. Reincarnation is all about good vs evil."

"What? I've never heard that." (I go to wikipedia and start looking up all the kinds.

"Yeah, evil vs good and your ability to resist evil is what the whole fight is about."

"I... I didn't realize there was a fight in the concept of reincarnation."

(Notice we're not even TALKING about the book. Fast forward about 15 minutes after I've looked at every concept of reincarnation I can find.

"Dude, I have NEVER heard of what you're talking about and besides its not what I want to write. anyway."

"Ah, well its really my idea of what reincarnation is anyway. I came up with it a few years back."

Me: !!!!!!!

kayleamay · Sep 1, 2009

CaroGirl said:
I rarely tell people I write novels, and when I do, I'm purposely vague about plot and premise. What I tend to say doesn't invite much comment. I'm cool with that.

This would adequately describe me too. I actually don't mean to be so vague though. I just kind of clam up when someone asks me about it. It usually goes like this.

So-n-so told me you wrote a book.

Yeah.

What kind of book is it?

A novel.

Is it fiction?

Yeah.

So what's it about?

Archangels.

Blank looks exchanged during awkward silence.

So you're religious?

Not particularaly.

Oh.

My self-promotion skills are amazing, aren't they?

~*Kate*~ · Sep 1, 2009

"Oh, so you want to be famous?"
"That's not really the point..."

My personal favorite:
"You're writing a book? Am I in it?"

MsGneiss · Sep 1, 2009

I don't tell people about my creative writing endeavors. The few times it has come up, the response has been along the lines of, "so that's why it's taking you so long to finish your dissertation." So... uh... yea. Until there's some evidence that my fiction is marketable (like a publishing contract and a check to deposit) I'm going to keep conversations about my novels strictly anonymous.

Wayne K · Sep 1, 2009

I guess I'm lucky that the people in my life are supportive.The few friends I have love the fact that I write.

kayleamay · Sep 1, 2009

Wayne K said:
I guess I'm lucky that the people in my life are supportive.The few friends I have love the fact that I write.

Uh, dude...that's just your reflection.

aadams73 · Sep 1, 2009

My favorite goes like this:

"So, what do you do?"
"I write novels."
"Oh. I don't read books. I'm too busy for that."

(But said dipshit watches 20+ hours of television each week.)

scarletpeaches · Sep 1, 2009

"A novel? What, like Harry Potter?"

"Can I be in it?"
-"No, you're not that interesting."

"When's it published? Can I have a free copy?"

"Hey, I've got this great idea. Why don't you write about [bag o'shite idea] and we can split the profits?"
-"Oh sure; I do all the work and give you half the proceeds from a shitty idea that'll never fly. That sounds fair."

"Hey, why don't you write about-"
-"No."
"You don't even know what my idea is yet."
-"I don't care. I have enough of my own."

"Say, why don't you-?"
-"Who's writing this book?"
"Well...you."
-"Exactly. Now fuck off."

lucidzfl · Sep 1, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
"A novel? What, like Harry Potter?"

"Can I be in it?"
-"No, you're not that interesting."

"When's it published? Can I have a free copy?"

"Hey, I've got this great idea. Why don't you write about [bag o'shite idea] and we can split the profits?"
-"Oh sure; I do all the work and give you half the proceeds from a shitty idea that'll never fly. That sounds fair."

"Hey, why don't you write about-"
-"No."
"You don't even know what my idea is yet."
-"I don't care. I have enough of my own."

"Say, why don't you-?"
-"Who's writing this book?"
"Well...you."
-"Exactly. Now fuck off."

Oh my god, I get the "can i be in it" one all the time.

It inspired that thread I wrote a little while ago where I kill off one of my characters and he's completely inspired my the guy. Down to looks and name.

I joked with him for weeks about killing him off.

Also, I fking hate this one.

"So you're writing a book?"

"Yeah."

"Nice! You're gonna be the next stephen king or ... that chick that wrote those potter books huh?"

Yes idiot. Everyone who sits down and shits out a few thousand words instantly launches to "Second richest woman in london" status.

scarletpeaches · Sep 1, 2009

The "Can I have a free copy," really pisses me off.

"Why yes; I've got nothing better to do with my money than spend it on copies of MY OWN FUCKING BOOK to give away to people who are too cheap to acknowledge the months of work I laboured through instead of putting their hand in their pocket!"

(Codicil: I'm allowed to say this to tt42 because a) I named her published books and b) wrote the synopses which sold them).

Honalo · Sep 1, 2009

Not to derail but I usually get these reactions when people ask what I do for a living.

"I'm a magazine editor."

"Really? What magazine?" (Them: Obviously thinking its TIME or Better Homes & Gardens or The New Yorker or some other really big consumer publication)

"Two international B2B magazines."

(Smile drops off face). "Oh."

On the novel writing front: I don't tell people I write novels anymore just because of what you all described - unless they're close (non-writer) friends. I just can't field the range of comments, especially as a fantasy YA writer. "Oh, so you're writing the next Harry Potter?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JimmyB27 · Sep 1, 2009

Mela said:
I just can't field the range of comments anymore, especially as a fantasy YA writer. "Oh, so you're writing the next Harry Potter?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So...the next His Dark Materials, then?

scarletpeaches · Sep 1, 2009

"Oh, I'd write a book but I don't have the time. I have family responsibilities." (Said with a superior look).

I'd cram my netbook up the arse of the next person who says that if it wasn't worth £350. The netbook I mean, not the arse.

BenPanced · Sep 1, 2009

My favorite about NaNoWriMo: "Well, if all you're doing is writing a novel and it's not going to get published, why bother?" It's a durdy job but someone's gotta do it. It won't get published on December 1, but it will some day.

kayleamay · Sep 1, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
The "Can I have a free copy," really pisses me off.

"Why yes; I've got nothing better to do with my money than spend it on copies of MY OWN FUCKING BOOK to give away to people who are too cheap to acknowledge the months of work I laboured through instead of putting their hand in their pocket!"

(Codicil: I'm allowed to say this to tt42 because a) I named her published books and b) wrote the synopses which sold them).

Yeah, that too. Someone just asked me that last night. I told her she could wait until it's available at the library and check it out. She told me I was a shitty friend for not giving her one. I told her she was a shitty friend for being too cheap to buy one. For crying out loud, I get hit up for every candy bar, wrapping paper and beaded jewelry fundraiser these people have (usually 3 or 4 times a month) and I always buy even though I don't want the crap, but apparently my crap is supposed to be free.

What responses do you HATE when you tell someone you're working on a novel?

Back from the dead

storm central

Writing Anarchist

Fear the Death Ray

Living the dream

Lagrangian

quietly lurking & learning

Riff-Raff

Back from the dead

I'm on the phone.

brings the random.

I'm on the phone.

A Work in Progress

Back from the dead

Hoopy frood

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

I'm on the phone.