YA Real Life Advice

Having been a young man in that situation--some time ago--I'm not sure there's anything you could have said to me. I just wanted people to stay out of it and "not notice" if you get my meaning.

Disclaimer: All teens experience and feel things differently. One might react in a way a lot of teens do, while another might react in an entirely different or unexpected way.

Honestly, I'm not sure anything you say might help very much. Let them vent if they want to (preferably with ice-cream or chocolate if it's a girl; every post-break-up rant I've experienced has involved a comfort/junk food), but they'll probably just want to be left alone to grieve and mourn.

If it's the first serious relationship they had, it's going to keep hurting for a while no matter what anyone says. Even though from someone else's perspective it will get better given time and there is someone else out there for them, most teens are just going to resent that adult's experience and knowledge because it might sound condescending. To a teen, the end of a relationship, especially a longterm one, does feel like the end of the world and it does feel like they're never going to find anyone else.

My pet peeve was when people told me "all I needed was time". I knew that but as advice went, it didn't exactly make me want to stop crying and eating my weight in chocolate. I was told this again a few months ago at the end of another longterm relationship and had the same "yeah and?" gut reaction, so some responses may be universal no matter what age you are.

I am totally in agreement with vfury!

I think the only thing you could possibly say is that you are there for them if and when they need you.

When my heart was broken by my first boyfriend and I cried for two hours straight (a lot of fun), I said I never wanted to love again. One of my sisters said, "With love you're always taking a chance. But you should take that chance." Those were the only words that helped. I hated "It'll get better with time." I'd think, "No it won't!"

"Here's a carton of chocolate ice cream and a spoon. Tell me all about it.

"And then I'll take you out to the spa/go-cart track and we'll get our nails done/blast up the track with extreme speed."

Hi There - this can be tough, so good luck and I hope you can handle it well. It's important to allow proper time to grieve the relationship, but at the same time, not allow it to consume you. I know, easier said than done.

Here is some really excellent advice from "Alice" about dealing with break-up related heart-ache:

What really matters is that you realize you did nothing wrong and that you couldn't have prevented this. In order to heal, you need to have a sense of closure. Why it ended needs to be clear to you; otherwise, you are likely to have doubts about the relationship and yourself for a long time. Let your ex-girlfriend know that an explanation, or one reason, for breaking up with you will help you to go on with your life, just as she has been able to go on with hers. She didn't do this without any reason at all. Even if it has nothing to do with you, you deserve to know at least part of the reason why. She still may not tell you. In fact, she may not even know, but at least you will have asked.

Although you need to grieve for this loss, make sure that it doesn't consume you. Talk with friends and family about how you feel. Knowing that people in your life love, support, and care about you can be comforting. Know that you are a good person, that you will be okay on your own, and that someday, you may meet that special someone who will feel the same way as you do about sharing your lives together.

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Source: http://goaskalice.com/1095.html

I cried for three days straight. I let it out. I went to bed crying. I slept crying. I woke up crying. After three days (and my mother a nervous wreck), I was completely fine. I just cried it all out.

During the crying phase, my mother didn't offer words. I just remember lying on my mother's bed while she caressed my head. My father would peak in the room and say, "She still at it." And my mom responded with, "I hate that guy."

ETA: The 'guy' meaning the boy who broke my heart. Not my dad.

I didn't realize teenagers ever listened to their parents!

Just tell me that everything's going to be all right.

And please stop my father from saying anything stupid. Just don't lecture me. Just pat me on the head and tell me that everything's going to be all right. Or... just don't say anything at all.

As a YA who's going through something like this, that's what I'd want. I can't say what she wants.

CaroGirl said:

"Here's a carton of chocolate ice cream and a spoon. Tell me all about it.

"And then I'll take you out to the spa/go-cart track and we'll get our nails done/blast up the track with extreme speed."

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QFT. Hug & pet YAs of the female type between those statements (prolly for hours). In my experience, a guy'll take a pat on the back or two and sitting really close to them & that's about it.