how graphic should i get? (writing sex scenes)

[mercades]

Hi all
In my story my two main characters have this really intense relationship. my problem is i don't know how graphic to get when they finally have sex. i want to convey how intense their connection is but i don't want it to sound pornographic.
any suggestions would be great.

[dpaterso]

Just asking, have you read this thread, it might give you some ideas:

Re: How to write sex scenes
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=136357

It's in our Share Your Work critique area, which is passworded to keep webcrawlers out, password = vista

-Derek

[john barnes on toast]

do they even need to have sex?

[ChristineR]

This is usually a function of convention and your audience. If you're writing for a particular publisher or venue, they will often have guidelines in place. Try looking at books you think might be read by people who also read your book. If you submit to a publisher that wants more, or less, explicit sex, you can always rewrite the sex scenes to fit.

[IdiotsRUs]

It doesn't have to be graphic to get it across

You could concentrate on the emotions, sensations rather than the 'Insert tab A in slot B action'
All depends on the audience you are writing for.

[ccv707]

As graphic as is necessary for the story you are attempting to tell.

[Kathleen42]

Wait until you get there. Write what feels right. Once you've written it, if you have doubts, ask.

[Wark]

Is it a 'cock book?'

[NeuroFizz]

How does the sex serve the story? Are the physical acts important to the development of the story, or are the emotional aspects of the acts important? Both? Keep a keen eye on when your description gets to the point it bursts the condom of serving the story?

Keep in mind that describing the mechanics of sex is not easy. What is easy is for it to become comical to the reader if not done well. And above all, if you do decide to describe the physical acts, remember that it doesn't throb!

[Aileen Harkwood]

I've lost count of the number of romance books I've read in the last decade, maybe a 1000+, and after a while I have to admit the sex scenes all start sounding the same to me. It's really tough to come up with a new twist on it without going overboard.

When writers start getting into describing things like, "feminine juices," I tend to think the writing has gone a wee bit too far. That's just my personal opinion, though.

[Libbie]

"Pornographic" is in the eye of the beholder. Writer what feels right to you, and let everybody else worry about whether it's offending their personal sensibilities.

[Libbie]

And above all, if you do decide to describe the physical acts, remember that it doesn't throb!

Unless you slam it in a door.

[Skye Jules]

Here's the first question you should ask yourself: Is being graphic really necessary?
I read a writing book by two well-known editors that say subtle sex scenes (the Gone With the Wind type) are more in than graphic ones, as they say people aren't as impressed by graphic ones anymore.

But I am of the opinion that less is more. If your sex scene is more about the emotions, I think it would be best to be subtle with the sex.

[Cyia]

Are you writing YA, romance, or erotica? The market you're shooting for will determine in part how graphic you should be.

[Boston Steve]

Hi all
In my story my two main characters have this really intense relationship. my problem is i don't know how graphic to get when they finally have sex. i want to convey how intense their connection is but i don't want it to sound pornographic.
any suggestions would be great.

It should have as little graphic sex as you can get away with, but as much as it needs. The sex should move the story along, or further develop the characters, not just be there gratuitously.

[Ken]

... best thing to do, if you haven't already, would be to read a handful of sex scenes in novels currently on the shelves in bookstores. See how far they go and let that serve as your standard of measure. My guess is that you can go awfully far, graphically, without causing modern-day readers to even bat an eye. And if you hold back by contrast and don't give them all the nitty gritty they'll clench their fists in rage and banish you to a nunnery. G'luck :-)

[mercades]

Thanks guys. all great advice. I'm a few chapters away from actually writing it but it's been playing on my mind, i do feel it is important to the story as the sexual tension between the characters has been building and the reader will want details, however it's not erotica so it's hard to find the right balance. i guess i'll just start writing and see where it takes me.

[Samantha's_Song]

But the ladies, who like to read romances, who also have husbands/ boyfriends etc, don't consider that they're doing erotica when they're making love, do they. It's a natural act for two people in love.
If there's sexual tension there, then it's obvious they're eventually going to have sex. Just write the scene as far as you, yourself, feel comfortable with. As others have said, you don't need the mechanics of it, but the sensual feelings and touches are what matters most and are what will set the scene.

i do feel it is important to the story as the sexual tension between the characters has been building and the reader will want details, however it's not erotica so it's hard to find the right balance. i guess i'll just start writing and see where it takes me.

[kaitlin008]

tbh if I read a sex scene where there's too much graphic detail, I tend not to notice the emotion of it so much. If you want to show the closeness, then I'd shy away from explaining all the mechanics, and focus on how they feel. Not that you can't mention touching or anything, but for me, word choice plays a big role in what type of impact a sex scene has on my mind.

[Ruth2]

I've got a scene in my WIP that for a long time made me uncomfortable. I admit I'm somewhat of a prude and this scene landed right in some issues I have. However the scene does everything I want it to do. Not only is it sensual but it shows a lot about the two MCs-- and I'm not talking about skin. In this scene they don't actually have sex but it comes really close.

All that to say this--what are you trying to show in this scene besides them having sex?

[N.L. LeBlanc]

I totally understand how you feel. I cannot write sex scenes at all. I mean, it's terrible. But don't forget, you can write it and then edit it until it feels right. The first draft is just to get your ideas on paper.

Like others said, the genre should determine how explicit you need to be. However, I would only rely on that to a certain extent. Write for yourself, don't worry about the readers' opinions so much. It'll end up more real that way. On editing, you can tone it down or heat it up, depending on what makes it stand out.

Also, sex scenes tend to come out differently from the eyes of a male protagonist than they do from the eyes of a female one. Females tend to be more emotional about things - you can write more about their thoughts and feelings - while males tend to be more about the feel of it. I normally concentrate on what's going on with his senses and the action itself rather than his feelings about it. When it's a girl, I deal with her whole thought and emotional process.

Hope I was helpful. :)