anicole_08
04-09-2009, 07:54 AM
I posted my synopsis in in the Share your writing forum and it was ripped to shreds. I am glad that I did because it showed me that it was awful and pretty much boring. I am currently working on a BRAND NEW synopsis and would like to have input on it. I am begging, big tears and all!!
I have been asked from an agent to see the first 50 pages, a bio, and two-page synopsis of my book.
I'll post the old synopsis and anyone please feel free to comment.
My novel is YA, Fantasy. It is about magic and being transported to a different plane. BUT not through the use of portals. My characters move from earth to their plane by shifting in flames or sand.
Jada Branham is naturally a head strong, 16 year old girl. She has hopes of leaving her small town of Whatley, Massachusetts, to attend college and be free of her controlling guardian, Mrs. Worley.
Mrs. Worley keeps the secret of Jada’s true life hidden from her. Jada find’s out who she is after she is approached by a frightening warrior, Lavielle, upon the advisement of her mother, Honalean. Lavielle must come to Jada and force her to see what she is. Lavielle pursues a fight with Jada giving her body the chance to react using her magical powers.
After Jada runs into an old friend, Logan Ascott, she finds herself thrust into a world unknown to her. Jada is taken to the land of Bores which is the home of her magical family. Bores is a world where magic coexists with emotions and the land is ruled by overbearing Priests. The belief that she was an orphan is replaced with the awareness that she was born of royal blood.
The tribes that want custody of her soul are willing to go to any length to get it. The Baratesha tribe, Purities, are determined to keep her power from being tainted and vigilant to keep her on their side which belonged to her grandmother, Genevieve. The Smokemma, Filth, attack the Purities in order to capture Jada and sway her to join them on the side that belongs to her grandfather, Dorimer.
Demetri, a Filth and her half-uncle, gives her the option of joining them or dying at his hand. She attempts to fight but is overpowered until her mother, Honalean, makes her long awaited appearance and stops Demetri before he can kill her.
Jada falls in love with her protector, Erocet, who is bound by birth to do nothing but watch her.
She is stuck between disobeying the rules and surrendering to the obsession of her old friend, Logan. Jada fights against the rules to be with Erocet though he is not of her station. The Priests, who govern the land, force Jada to settle a deal that was made centuries before she was born. She must marry one of the Priests sons in order to retain her purest form of power. Her grandmother skipped on the deal promising her heir would fulfill the pact. Jada is thrown head first into an arranged marriage.
As a typical teenager, she ignores the advice of the wise Mark of Reed's and decides to go the way of her heart. She refuses to believe their words of wisdom when they tell her that she and Erocet will never be. She rejects anyone who opposes them and prevails with him at her side. Her decisions uproot her tribe and rip her world apart.
Jada’s powers include shifting in the form of sand and flames, electrical currents, healing the wounded, and infecting humans with super-natural powers. These powers were passed down from both sides of her magical family, the Purities and the Filth. Her energy is magnified and over-shadows every ancestor that came before her. Jada’s infection gift unwilling passes into humans when she uses her energy on them, giving them an incurable germ. Their blood becomes tainted and they begin to possess remarkable talents. Whatever emotion is at the core of the human, determines which side they will reside on, the good or the bad.
Jada has to accept that she is not normal and far from being the pristine Priestess they believe her to be.
She has to choose where she belongs… in the real world or this potent, life altering world in which she is expected to take her role as leader and guide. Jada questions if she will be enough to end the battle between the ‘Purities’ and the ‘Filth’ or if she will perish in the very flames that she shifts in.
She battles with the Smokemma at the end of the book taking the victory for her side.
Here is what I have of the NEW synopsis:
Since her birth, 16-year-old Jada Branham, has been hidden at an orphanage from her half-uncle, Demetri.
Jada possesses the powers that Demetri needs to annihilate an enemy tribe, The Baratesha.
And that's it. No more. I am FREAKING OUT. I don't want to make this agent wait too long on me because I have no clue how to write a good synopsis.
Please feel free to go to the Share your writing forum and review the response I received.
To all who help THANK YOU!!!
To those who don't: Can't you help a sister out. I know I'm new but I promise I really don't smell!
I have been asked from an agent to see the first 50 pages, a bio, and two-page synopsis of my book.
I'll post the old synopsis and anyone please feel free to comment.
My novel is YA, Fantasy. It is about magic and being transported to a different plane. BUT not through the use of portals. My characters move from earth to their plane by shifting in flames or sand.
Jada Branham is naturally a head strong, 16 year old girl. She has hopes of leaving her small town of Whatley, Massachusetts, to attend college and be free of her controlling guardian, Mrs. Worley.
Mrs. Worley keeps the secret of Jada’s true life hidden from her. Jada find’s out who she is after she is approached by a frightening warrior, Lavielle, upon the advisement of her mother, Honalean. Lavielle must come to Jada and force her to see what she is. Lavielle pursues a fight with Jada giving her body the chance to react using her magical powers.
After Jada runs into an old friend, Logan Ascott, she finds herself thrust into a world unknown to her. Jada is taken to the land of Bores which is the home of her magical family. Bores is a world where magic coexists with emotions and the land is ruled by overbearing Priests. The belief that she was an orphan is replaced with the awareness that she was born of royal blood.
The tribes that want custody of her soul are willing to go to any length to get it. The Baratesha tribe, Purities, are determined to keep her power from being tainted and vigilant to keep her on their side which belonged to her grandmother, Genevieve. The Smokemma, Filth, attack the Purities in order to capture Jada and sway her to join them on the side that belongs to her grandfather, Dorimer.
Demetri, a Filth and her half-uncle, gives her the option of joining them or dying at his hand. She attempts to fight but is overpowered until her mother, Honalean, makes her long awaited appearance and stops Demetri before he can kill her.
Jada falls in love with her protector, Erocet, who is bound by birth to do nothing but watch her.
She is stuck between disobeying the rules and surrendering to the obsession of her old friend, Logan. Jada fights against the rules to be with Erocet though he is not of her station. The Priests, who govern the land, force Jada to settle a deal that was made centuries before she was born. She must marry one of the Priests sons in order to retain her purest form of power. Her grandmother skipped on the deal promising her heir would fulfill the pact. Jada is thrown head first into an arranged marriage.
As a typical teenager, she ignores the advice of the wise Mark of Reed's and decides to go the way of her heart. She refuses to believe their words of wisdom when they tell her that she and Erocet will never be. She rejects anyone who opposes them and prevails with him at her side. Her decisions uproot her tribe and rip her world apart.
Jada’s powers include shifting in the form of sand and flames, electrical currents, healing the wounded, and infecting humans with super-natural powers. These powers were passed down from both sides of her magical family, the Purities and the Filth. Her energy is magnified and over-shadows every ancestor that came before her. Jada’s infection gift unwilling passes into humans when she uses her energy on them, giving them an incurable germ. Their blood becomes tainted and they begin to possess remarkable talents. Whatever emotion is at the core of the human, determines which side they will reside on, the good or the bad.
Jada has to accept that she is not normal and far from being the pristine Priestess they believe her to be.
She has to choose where she belongs… in the real world or this potent, life altering world in which she is expected to take her role as leader and guide. Jada questions if she will be enough to end the battle between the ‘Purities’ and the ‘Filth’ or if she will perish in the very flames that she shifts in.
She battles with the Smokemma at the end of the book taking the victory for her side.
Here is what I have of the NEW synopsis:
Since her birth, 16-year-old Jada Branham, has been hidden at an orphanage from her half-uncle, Demetri.
Jada possesses the powers that Demetri needs to annihilate an enemy tribe, The Baratesha.
And that's it. No more. I am FREAKING OUT. I don't want to make this agent wait too long on me because I have no clue how to write a good synopsis.
Please feel free to go to the Share your writing forum and review the response I received.
To all who help THANK YOU!!!
To those who don't: Can't you help a sister out. I know I'm new but I promise I really don't smell!