View Full Version : Critique My First Four Paragraphs

03-16-2009, 01:44 AM
You've all been so helpful. I've taken everyone's sincere input to heart and finally come up with four paragraphs I think I can be proud of.*





*For those few of you who were frivolous in their responses, just wait until the shoe is on the other foot.

03-16-2009, 02:53 AM
04 60d.

Devil Ledbetter
03-16-2009, 04:55 AM
These should each be their own separate chapters. Kind of like in New Moon when there were 4 or 5 blank chapters titled with months, to indicate the passage of time. You could title your blank chapters with these numbers, to indicate meaninglessness.

Wayne K
03-16-2009, 05:05 AM
I'm not convinced it's your best work. After "85643 is the new 734252765?" won such acclaim I'm wondering if you want to settle.

03-16-2009, 06:29 AM
My only remaining question is, do I write this in first person or third person?

Matera the Mad
03-16-2009, 07:29 AM
Verbose. Come on, you know better than to post a first draft.

03-16-2009, 07:36 AM
I love it. It is so inspirational. You have changed my life.

4nd t0 th3 4c4d3my, 1 th4nk y0u. 1 0w3 1t 4ll t0 p0pmuz3