Critique My First Four Paragraphs

[popmuze]

You've all been so helpful. I've taken everyone's sincere input to heart and finally come up with four paragraphs I think I can be proud of.*


847.

847!

847!?

847*#!!@#!?





*For those few of you who were frivolous in their responses, just wait until the shoe is on the other foot.

[maestrowork]

04 60d.

[Devil Ledbetter]

These should each be their own separate chapters. Kind of like in New Moon when there were 4 or 5 blank chapters titled with months, to indicate the passage of time. You could title your blank chapters with these numbers, to indicate meaninglessness.

[Wayne K]

I'm not convinced it's your best work. After "85643 is the new 734252765?" won such acclaim I'm wondering if you want to settle.

[popmuze]

My only remaining question is, do I write this in first person or third person?

[Matera the Mad]

Verbose. Come on, you know better than to post a first draft.

[dgrintalis]

I love it. It is so inspirational. You have changed my life.


4nd t0 th3 4c4d3my, 1 th4nk y0u. 1 0w3 1t 4ll t0 p0pmuz3