I Have a Confession to Make

[William Haskins]

i have no idea what i'm doing.

[rhymegirl]

In terms of what?

[brokenfingers]

I don't understand Haskins.

Are you saying your kids are the result of divine conception?

[William Haskins]

where did all the verbs go? when i was a kid, the world was littered with verbs. now, there's like 5 or something.

i should have learned a trade.

[rhymegirl]

I'll give you some to try, William.

scattered, limped, filtered, crinkled, dazzled, fingered, gutted, jutted, glistened, hungered, incited, mustered, nestled, oscillated, penetrated, quizzed, thundered, vociferated, whirred.

Like any of these?

[mommie4a]

And going with the hope thing:

prayed, begged, wished, trusted, desired, expected, anticipated, looked forward to, counted on, imagined, dreamed, envisioned, visualized, conjured up, created

I don't write fiction, but isn't there something about letting your characters show you the story or take you where they need to go? Something like that? You don't need to know where you're going to start going there. (Smiley)

[brokenfingers]

Is that what you were talking about?

Hmmmm, first you need verbs like:

Shatter, break, darken, pierce, plunder, lose, forsake, abandon, dim, despair, smash, weaken, surrender, die...

These are verbs needed to show hope also. Only when you show someone in the depths of their own hell and taking a step out of it can you reveal that there is indeed hope in the world.

Then add: redeem, overcome, conquer, rise, break, pierce, regain, rejoice, raise, stand, soar…

Mix well, place them into a pre-heated mental oven, let bake for an indeterminate time (usually until you smell ear hairs burning), remove, trim and serve.

Voila!!

[William Haskins]

mental oven

i knew i was missing an ingredient.

[brokenfingers]

LOL!! Dammit Haskins, you've been on a roll today.

I've wanted to rep you at least 5 times today for making me bust my gut laughing but the rep gods forbid it until I offer another sacrifice.

[William Haskins]

i'm a sad clown.

[Elincoln]

i'm a sad clown.

Coming from you...that's just freaky.

[mommie4a]

i'm a sad clown.

You can get paid for that I think.

[astonwest]

i knew i was missing an ingredient.

Stick your head over a candle as an alternative...
or if you want to speed up the process, stick your head in a microwave...

;)

[William Haskins]

excellent advice.

by the way, there's a woeful shortage of sites that sell 1400 word short stories with a hope theme.

[brokenfingers]

Forget it Haskins - I''m not dropping the price.

You got me last week with the sympathy ploy.

[William Haskins]

you obviously have no appreciation for repeat business.

good thing i could rent these thousand typewriters for my thousand monkeys.

[rhymegirl]

William, you didn't tell us whether you liked our verbs or not. I hope so or I'm going to cry.

[William Haskins]

yes, they were nice verbs.

hmmm... "nice" is such a weak adjective.

whatever happened to all the good adjectives?

[Brainerd T.]

verbalize vociferous verbalizations before they become vociferations.Of course they could always become vociferational.

Don't feed to a herbivore.

[reph]

Adjectives! The man wants adjectives now!

lyrical salubrious soiled uncanny ballistic seductive domestic buoyant mediocre stealthy unconstitutional lax parasitic convivial rustic repentant flourishing mossy herbivorous turquoise fringed purgative matronly chatty tense waterproof unsalted misty obnoxious extraterrestrial pastel young corrugated comfortable

[William Haskins]

okay, i think if you guys can help me out with some noun derivational suffixes, i'll be able to get this thing done.

[mommie4a]

If this is just some scam to get us to write your piece for you, then we'll know you've gone insane.

[rhymegirl]

If this is just some scam to get us to write your piece for you, then we'll know you've gone insane.

Yeah, you're right, Jill. Now I'm beginning to put 2 and 2 together. First he started with the verbs. Then the adjectives. Then the nouns. What's next? All he has to do is piece them all together.

[brokenfingers]

OK Haskins - just for you, since you've been such a good customer, I'm offering a one time deal.

I'll email you a sentence-stringer for 1/2 my going price. All you have to do is insert the verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc and Presto! out comes magic.

Set the paragraph, length and theme parameters and there should be no problem.

I'm headed out for the evening now so if it's a deal, just email my secretary - you already know her by name (she says you've been driving her crazy with your frantic phone calls) - and she'll send it out pronto.

Oh, and please don't do the Bela Lugosi imitation - she already knows who you are.

[William Haskins]

email my secretary - you already know her by name (she says you've been driving her crazy with your frantic phone calls)

dude, she came on to me!

[astonwest]

...we'll know you've gone insane.

Gone?
What's this 'gone' stuff?

[mommie4a]

Hey William - there's some great psychometric tests you can take - sentence blank completions? When you went in for that bipolar assessment? If you take all the completed sentences, I bet you'd have a helluvah an Idol entry!

[Joni Holderman]

i have no idea what i'm doing.

William-
The secret to the universe is, no one knows what they're doing!! And, if you think you do, you're wrong. (And, if you're SURE you know what you're doing and no one else does, you are totally scr**ed).

Relax, maybe you're having a bad writing day. Like a bad hair day, and as easy to fix tomorrow.

Wait. . . verbs, adverbs, nouns. . . you're tricking us into writing the sequel to Atlanta Nights, aren't you?

[William Haskins]

When you went in for that bipolar assessment?

they screamed that i made dr. jeckyl/mr. hyde look like a moody academic and gave me 5 minutes to get off the property.

[reph]

Here, Haskins, take these articles. They ought to keep you busy and quiet for a while.

a
an
the

Don't spend them all in one place. And don't come whining to me for punctuation marks. You think I don't know about that stash of commas and periods in your bottom drawer?

[jdkiggins]

Hey William. I have a confession to make too. I'm dying for a cigarette, can you blow up the computer again. ROFL I'll send you some verbs, adverbs, adjectives, heck, I'll send you a whole darn story for just one Marlboro (any color pack, any length).

[BlueTexas]

excellent advice.

by the way, there's a woeful shortage of sites that sell 1400 word short stories with a hope theme.

Any that sell stories with Jenna's quirky side note that the stories should leave the reader with a sense of hope?

How on earth do you do that?

Oh well. I'm off to post my stab at it.

[mommie4a]

they screamed that i made dr. jeckyl/mr. hyde look like a moody academic and gave me 5 minutes to get off the property.

Yeah, but thanks to Congress, you still have access to your medical records. Go get that sentence completion test!

[maestrowork]

I have a feeling William will be the last to post, again.

[William Haskins]

i am undone.

[KTC]

Done bun can't be undone. (And there was mention of an oven, wasn't there?)

[William Haskins]

but i denied any implication that i am in possession of a mental oven, or any other intelligence-related appliance.

[KTC]

Okay then. You're undone. So be it.

[William Haskins]

selah.

[brokenfingers]

i am undone.

I'm afraid I don't understand what that has to do with anything. Just zip up your pants and get writing.

For God's sake, man - the whole free world is counting on you!!

[William Haskins]

you know, 1400 words just ain't that much.

[BlueTexas]

Then why haven't you posted yet? Hmmm?

[brokenfingers]

LOL! This from the master of brevity?!

All I know is that I've got a lot of money riding on the outcome this week.

[William Haskins]

it's not enough to work with this week for some reason.

hope is such a many-splendored thing and all, i reckon.

[brokenfingers]

Pffft! Forget it! I'm changing my bet.

You're hopeless.

;)

[William Haskins]

You're hopeless.

that's what i've been trying to tell you people.

[mommie4a]

William

I think it's time to tell everyone your real confession. I haven't been working on an educational reform point of light story. And Ray has no secret missions. We're ghosting William's Idol entry, and have been since Week 1.

God - I feel so much better now! William - I'm so sorry to have given it away but I just couldn't stand to see you stringing everyone along. Such pain. I know you love it, but you know I hate it.

[William Haskins]

fine. just email me my damn story so i can post it and we can get on with this charade.

[mommie4a]

Well, you know, there was that little matter of payment we never quite worked out, you know, the bonuses for making it to the next round?

[William Haskins]

this is extortion.

[brokenfingers]

LOL! Haskins tried the same thing with me, Jill. Delayed payment up till the last minute.

Then I had a glitch with my computer and almost didn't get it to him on time. That's why he was so late last week.

[William Haskins]

okay, i'm going to sell a pint of blood to the pagans down the street. after i eat my cookie, i'll hit your paypal accounts.

this story better damn well leave me lousy with hope, though...

[brokenfingers]

Better warn them it's tainted.

You wouldn't like their refund policy...

[William Haskins]

they f*ck with me, they die. period.

i got a deadline.

[brokenfingers]

At last!!!

There IS Hope!!!

[William Haskins]

wow, you're better than a therapist!

[mommie4a]

they f*ck with me, they die. period.

i got a deadline.

Ha! We'll never die, William. That's exactly what you'd want, and we can't have that now, can we?

[brokenfingers]

wow, you're better than a therapist!

You know the paypal account number.

Same time next week?

[William Haskins]

i hope you guys are having fun mocking my cries for help.

[mommie4a]

You mean, you're not the boy who cried wolf?

[brokenfingers]

i hope you guys are having fun mocking my cries for help.

Tsk, tsk. And just when I'd thought we'd made some progress.

Of course, I still expect to be paid...

[mommie4a]

Tsk, tsk. And just when I'd thought we'd made some progress.

Of course, I still expect to be paid...

BTW, Bill - you know that thing about a mental health professional's duty to warn third parties - you know, the California case where the ex-boyfriend chopped his ex-girlfriend up with a machete, after he told his therapist about wanting to do it and the therapist didn't tell anyone? It lets you break confidentiality with William - so, you know, if you think he's gonna stink bomb our computers or something worse, you owe us.

Just sayin'...;)

[brokenfingers]

I'm afraid I am not at liberty to discuss my client's state of mind, but I can say that, to my knowledge, he poses no threat whatsoever to anyone who votes for his entries and as long as you do not speak too loudly around him.

He also reacts, sometimes violently, to any displays of smilies or any type of cuteness or frivolity.

The world is a dark and dangerous place to men like him (poor man) and he harbors the grudge of any poet who's warnings are ignored or misunderstood.

He usually gets like this around deadline time.

[William Haskins]

that is true.

[mommie4a]

I'm afraid I am not at liberty to discuss my client's state of mind, but I can say that, to my knowledge, he poses no threat to anyone who votes for him.

Okay, that's fair enough. But just remember, you're liable if you knew he was going to harm someone and you failed to breach confidentiality in order to fulfill your legal duty to warn that someone.

Of course, if you practice hypnosis, you might be able to help William win by a landslide.

[brokenfingers]

That would be unethical.

I could never, in good conscience, help Haskins win this week in an unfair manner until I am paid for last week.

[William Haskins]

here i am trying to posture as an artist. yeah that's right.... a FAKE ARTIST!

A-R-T. does that word mean anything to you?

noooo.... it's all about money. filthy lucre.

whores.

[brokenfingers]

Uh-oh Jill. When he starts throwing around the A-R-T word and how he's an artist and all that, it usually means his medication's run out.

All bets are off at this point...

[KTC]

I get out my crayons and start colouring pretty pictures of sunsets and swing sets when I think of A-R-T. But then I get distracted and eat the crayons. The yellow ones are especially good. With coffee on the side. A-R-T is so much fun.

Speakin' of de whooores, I once drawded a tawdry red whore wid me red crayon too!

[sgtsdaughter]

I get out my crayons and start colouring pretty pictures of sunsets and swing sets when I think of A-R-T. But then I get distracted and eat the crayons. The yellow ones are especially good. With coffee on the side. A-R-T is so much fun.

Speakin' of de whooores, I once drawded a tawdry red whore wid me red crayon too!

Yes, but the brown ones prove the least confusing to the digestive system.

And A-R-T . . . I think of the creative literary genius of Atlanta Nights. If only I could write like that.