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SamPerry
02-22-2009, 02:12 AM
I need opinions. I might be taking my story to far, I don't know.

The story is basically about the dead. A boy, at the age of 5, kills his Aunt, (for many reasons, you'll see.) 15 years later he's in a mental institution. There's a dead woman, Juliet, who's been speaking with him, getting to know him.

She is getting to know him for a reason, though. She wants to get him out of the institution, and she wants him to kill his mother.

The mother of the 20 year old man has given birth to 2 other children directly after the incident, and is pregnant with another. Juliet isn't wanting him to kill his MOTHER, she's wanting the child dead. Why though?

Each child who is given a special ability gives a special ability at birth, carries a disease, that causes the public to go blind and bleed to death. Each child it gets reasonably worse. Juliet, before death, was a doctor. She delivered the main character 20 years ago...she obtained the disease, leading to her death.

Juliet's mother is researching the disease as we speak. She will be seen later in the series, when they go on a mission to find the cure.

Far into the series, the mother gives birth to the child.

This gives the series conflict. ;). woohoo

You can't honestly say this is the only building block I have for the series, it isn't. During the pilot episode, the father of 3 and a half, is killed. The main character who's been held in the mental institution has returned, so they are pointing fingers at him, but the father comes back to speak with one of the special children and states that it wasn't the main character who killed him, it was someone else, someone with red eyes.

The murderer ends up being the mother of 3 and a half. She has the ability to take on dead people. She's multi-personalitied, so to speak.

My basic writing question is: Is this a little too much? Is this story just a mess? Give me your honest opinion.
I'm also 13.

Horserider
02-22-2009, 02:48 AM
Wow your thirteen? Have you joined us on the Teens writing for Teens thread yet?

I'm...confused honestly. Too many people all at once especially when some of them don't have names. It's okay if the main character doesn't have a name yet, just call them MC, and you could give all the other smaller characters simple names just so we can recognize them in the synop.

Is this a series or one book?

jannawrites
02-22-2009, 03:39 AM
I think the idea has a lot of merit: It's got lots of intrigue, conflict, room for emotion.

Have you actually written any of it? I think the further you get, the smoother your synopsis will become. And that, for me, was the rough part - wading through all you had to say. 'Twas a bit confusing, and I had to consciously follow myself along to get it all.

Good luck! Keep it up, young'un. :D

Matera the Mad
02-22-2009, 07:42 AM
Git in there and write! :D