Tightening

This article from Vision will help. Go down to the section called Step 2: Cutting Words. She gives examples of long sentences and shows how they can be trimmed for more impact.

There are many tricks you can use:

- Look for any passage where you use multiple adjectives: choose the best one and drop the rest.
- Remove some attribution tags from dialogue: not every line needs to be "said."
- Look for "waster" words: my most popular is "that" which can often be dropped without any problem.

I'm sure there are many other ways; these just work for me!

The word tightening can also be used to apply to removing paragraphs or scenes which are redundant or non-essential to the plot

Get Sol Stein's book on self-editing. I guarantee you'll learn quite a few things.

you can also, you know... write something.

Sheryl Nantus said:

you can also, you know... write something.

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Lol good advice for any occasion. However I don't get how writing new material helps tighten a passage. Please elaborate?

I don't think tightening necessarily means cutting.

To me, it just means making sure you're saying something the very best way you can.

How many words that takes, I'd say, depends on context. IMO, it doesn't always mean saying it in as few as possible, just as well as possible.

The Lonely One said:

Lol good advice for any occasion. However I don't get how writing new material helps tighten a passage. Please elaborate?

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very simple.

start with something you've WRITTEN and then work on it.

trying to tighten something that doesn't exist doesn't work.

Sheryl Nantus said:

very simple.

start with something you've WRITTEN and then work on it.

trying to tighten something that doesn't exist doesn't work.

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This is true.

Still, I find that I always end up adding to mine...I write a skeleton on first drafts, and never realize it until I go back to edit. ROFL!

maestrowork said:

Get Sol Stein's book on self-editing. I guarantee you'll learn quite a few things.

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I just went through Amazon and B&N and couldn't find the book you referred to. Do you have the full title or a link?

Sheryl Nantus said:

very simple.

start with something you've WRITTEN and then work on it.

trying to tighten something that doesn't exist doesn't work.

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See, you kids are just too smart for me.

Stein on Writing

RJK said:

I just went through Amazon and B&N and couldn't find the book you referred to. Do you have the full title or a link?

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Stein on Writing has a several chapters about revising, all excellent.

How to Grow a Novel has a chapter on revising, but I didn't find that as helpful. It's mostly anecdotes--interesting, but not as helpful for me.

Dale

Dale Emery said:

Stein on Writing has a several chapters about revising, all excellent.

How to Grow a Novel has a chapter on revising, but I didn't find that as helpful. It's mostly anecdotes--interesting, but not as helpful for me.

Dale

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I read the reviews on both these books. They were sort of lukewarm. Does Stein offer anything new, or is it just the same information we've seen in a dozen other books, just told differently?

RJK said:

I read the reviews on both these books. They were sort of lukewarm. Does Stein offer anything new, or is it just the same information we've seen in a dozen other books, just told differently?

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Actually, on re-reading the chapters on revising, I'd say they are okay (not excellent). Very low highlight quotient.

I do like Stein's main recommendation for revising: Triage. He says it's a mistake to revise straight through from first page to last. Instead, identify the scenes that are most memorable and least memorable. Then cut any scene you can cut. Until you're done with that, don't worry about the finer details.

His chapter on "Liposuctioning Flab" is the same advice you've seen a zillion times: cut adjectives and adverbs. Cut any word that could be cut without altering the meaning.

Dale

maestrowork said:

Get Sol Stein's book on self-editing. I guarantee you'll learn quite a few things.

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I concur.

RJK said:

I read the reviews on both these books. They were sort of lukewarm. Does Stein offer anything new, or is it just the same information we've seen in a dozen other books, just told differently?

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Stein is an immensely experienced editor and writer and very well-read to boot. He has edited several Pulitzer-winning books. He draws widely in his examples, is precise in his methods and astute in his explanations. Lots of writers can write editing tips, but I've yet to find any who match his understanding of why specific editing methods applied to particular expression problems produce better writing.

Things that some might not like about Stein:

• He's a thinky more than a feely. If you like to be coddled and coaxed rather than instructed you might not like how he engages;
• He's scornful of genre fiction -- not because of its subjects but because a lot of it is badly written and poorly edited. If you idolise genre fiction he might offend you, because he does pull apart several popular bestsellers;
• He writes editing tutorials replete with anecdotes, not editing reference books. If you just wanted a checklist you'd have to prepare it yourself.

kuwisdelu said:

I don't think tightening necessarily means cutting.

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Yes, because you can always cut text by telling rather than showing. A good edit will improve order, clarify, remove redundancy, replace weak expression with stronger expression and if necessary, mark where you should show instead of tell.

Cranky said:

I find that I always end up adding to mine...I write a skeleton on first drafts, and never realize it until I go back to edit.

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That could be the telling vs showing problem, Cranky. Telling is generally much more concise, but only suited when there's no drama. A trick that might help you get a fuller first draft is to avoid using metaphysical descriptions, but replace them with physical ones. Metaphysical descriptions depict what things mean; physical descriptions depict what things are. E.g.
The red stuff is metaphysical -- it's the part that tells rather than shows. Contrast with:
Another one that can cause first drafts to look bony is if you skip over dilemmas -- when a character must make sense of events or decide between courses of action. If you jump straight from question to action it loses emotion.
A useful approach is to:

1. State the situation
2. React emotionally
3. Review how the MC got there
4. Consider alternatives and possible consequences
5. Decide on a course of action

E.g.

I guess "tightening" is a mental image for me. It's the word choice that bothers me. tighten=constrict (as in, physical space). I would more likely use "edit" or "draft" (both being neutral to me; not meaning cut or add specifically) or "expand." Maybe "expound upon" if I felt literary.

I'm probably wrong on the technicality of it but it's just my silly brain and its conventions that trip me up. Not to derail...

To me, tightening does mean cut. Cut, trim, shorten, make it more precise, etc. It's used to mean "polishing until it shines" but for most people, it does mean cutting and trimming (even Stephen King says we should cut 10% out of every draft) because many writers tend to overwrite.

It doesn't necessarily mean cutting words or shortening sentences, but in general, making your words work harder:

- use better word choices. For example, a single, strong verb to replace a slew of modifiers, or a precise image to replace multiple vague adjectives.

- cut and trim meandering prose, aimless passages, long scenes that don't really get to the point, dialogue that seems to drag on and on, etc.

- eliminate repetitions and redundancy. How many times do you have to say, "he has smoldering/sparkling/sexy eyes?"

- drop cliches and excessive details. Tell instead of show (yes, there are times when
"telling" is better).

- use subtexts and contexts to make your sentences work double-time. There's such a power to let a single sentence, for example, to have more than one or two meanings.

maestrowork said:

To me, tightening does mean cut. Cut, trim, shorten, make it more precise, etc. It's used to mean "polishing until it shines" but for most people, it does mean cutting and trimming (even Stephen King says we should cut 10% out of every draft) because many writers tend to overwrite.

It doesn't necessarily mean cutting words or shortening sentences, but in general, making your words work harder:

- use better word choices. For example, a single, strong verb to replace a slew of modifiers, or a precise image to replace multiple vague adjectives.

- cut and trim meandering prose, aimless passages, long scenes that don't really get to the point, dialogue that seems to drag on and on, etc.

- eliminate repetitions and redundancy. How many times do you have to say, "he has smoldering/sparkling/sexy eyes?"

- drop cliches and excessive details. Tell instead of show (yes, there are times when
"telling" is better).

- use subtexts and contexts to make your sentences work double-time. There's such a power to let a single sentence, for example, to have more than one or two meanings.

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Your sage-like words humble me.

Ruv Draba said:

That could be the telling vs showing problem, Cranky. Telling is generally much more concise, but only suited when there's no drama. A trick that might help you get a fuller first draft is to avoid using metaphysical descriptions, but replace them with physical ones. Metaphysical descriptions depict what things mean; physical descriptions depict what things are. E.g.

Sitting in his armchair Cadell petted his golden retriever absently and as he pondered the case.​

The red stuff is metaphysical -- it's the part that tells rather than shows. Contrast with:

Seated in cracked leather and bristling horsehair, Cadell combed the dog's tawny coat with crooked fingers. It leaned against him and looked up into his eyes, but his own gaze roved the stained wallpaper. His mind returned to the three cadavers he'd seen lined up on their gurneys-- three protruding tongues; three pairs of red fishnet stockings knotted around three grey, bruised throats.​

Another one that can cause first drafts to look bony is if you skip over dilemmas -- when a character must make sense of events or decide between courses of action. If you jump straight from question to action it loses emotion.

He had no leads, and if the killer was true to form he'd kill again tonight. Lacking a better idea, Cadell decided to walk the dog.​

A useful approach is to:

1. State the situation
2. React emotionally
3. Review how the MC got there
4. Consider alternatives and possible consequences
5. Decide on a course of action

E.g.

Three cadavers, three pairs of red fishnets, headlines on three Monday early editions. Cadell heard a church-bell tolling over the hum of traffic in the street outside and it made him sick. He closed his eyes against the thought of tomorrow's headlines.​

Somewhere, right now, in this city, walked a man in a tan burberry coat with red fishnet stockings in his pocket. A man who would kill before the hands of the town-hall clock reached midnight.​

Cadell pictured the curl of the desk-sergeant's lip at the local precinct. Whatever he knew wouldn't be for Cadell's ears.​

He eyed the cracked bakelite phone on his desk, checked his watch. Four PM. Snoop McGee would be on his third bottle by now, all slurs and drool.​

Cadell rose and reached for the leash hanging on its peg by the door. The dog lifted its head, pricked its ears.​

"C'mon boy. We're going for a walk."​

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Interesting. I think you might be right in that I tend to skip over the dilemma parts when drafting, preferring to go from action to action as I'm telling myself the story (which is what I always do in the first draft). I also have a problem in that I tend to breeze right past logic holes and whatnot as well.

Good food for thought here, so thank you.