Sometimes the Jokes Write Themselves

[Captshady]

100% news story, NO editing:

(CNN) -- Police in Australia have arrested a man accused of breaking into an adult shop and having sex with blow-up dolls, it was reported Wednesday.
The 23-year-old allegedly broke into the Laneway Adult Shop in the northen Australian city of Cairns on several occasions, having sex with a doll named "Jungle Jane," the Cairns Post reported.
It earlier quoted the store's owner saying the burglar always cleaned up after himself, but the dolls were dumped unceremoniously in an alleyway behind the store.
"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," he said. "It is totally bizarre."
Police have charged the unidentified man, believed to be from the city's Manunda suburb, with four counts of breaking and entering. They told the paper that DNA samples had been recovered from one of the dolls.
"Following intelligence-based inquiries, we attended a Manunda address and made an arrest," police spokesman Jason Chetham said, according to the Post.

[Williebee]

Police have charged the unidentified man, believed to be from the city's Manunda suburb, with four counts of breaking and entering.

yup. writes itself.

[Plot Device]

:roll:

I think we should have an official "FRIDAY'S WEIRDNESS IN THE NEWS" thread right here in P&CE. Friday mornings require exactly this sort of a news item.

[icerose]

What? No doll rape charges?

[dpaterso]

Jungle Jane, mmm.

-Derek

[Don]

Reason.com's Daily BrickBat (http://www.reason.com/brickbat/) always has entertaining short stories like this one. Here's today's entry.
Jasbir Singh said he just wanted to show his support for the police when he placed a police union bumper sticker on his car. One Lockland, Ohio, police officer apparently didn't want his support. He cited him for displaying a law enforcement emblem. Singh paid the $100 fine, but now he is suing the city for violating his First Amendment rights.

[AncientEagle]

The Australia case is just so typical: Love 'em, then cast 'em aside.

I wonder if the shop then sold the dolls as "used."

[Albedo]

"Pre-loved love dolls, near-mint condition. Only used once"

Sounds like a bargain!

[Jerry B. Flory]

Sure it's not entering and breaking?

[donroc]

Now if one had given him an STD ...

[kuwisdelu]

How old were the dolls? It might have been statutory.


...imported from the wrong thread...

[Plot Device]

How old were the dolls? It might have been statutory.


...imported from the wrong thread...

OMG! Do thing-a-ma-jobie people have the ability to import???

[kuwisdelu]

OMG! Do thing-a-ma-jobie people have the ability to import???

No...I just deleted the old post.

We do, however, have the ability to teleport. Not on AW, though. Only in real life. ;)

[blacbird]

You people have all been reported to the Dangerous Pun Police.

caw

[benbradley]

If you've ever heard Bill Handel's "Handel On The Law" syndicated legal advice radio show, you may have heard at least one story like this. No doubt he will find this story and tell it in the most entertaining way - reading the whole thing as-is, then wondering "what every man is wondering, were these were virgin dolls? Because it wouldn't be worth it otherwise." He told about the man arrested for 'being with' a patio table, and I've heard him tell of many other bizzarre acts (some not even involving sex) that resulted in arrest and stories on police blotters. He just loves telling about these odd crimes.

In between these stories, he gives legal advice to callers (yes, apparently he really is lawyer). You can find a short video clip of him answering a call here under "Bill having fun belittling old people."
http://www.kfi640.com/pages/Bill_Handel.html?feed=121334&article=3243741

[Albedo]

There was a chap in the UK who was arrested for having sex with an underpass. I've heard of 'throwing a hotdog down a hallway', but...

[SHBueche]

Back to the Jungle Jane doll, I think someone should buy the poor guy a doll of his own, so he doesn't have to break and enter (enter and break?) into that shop!

[Clair Dickson]

Not touching this one with a 12" pole.

[donroc]

Now the classic Mills Brothers Paper Doll (also sung in a film by Lena) is ruined forever with images I cannot shake. :cry:

[Plot Device]

There was a chap in the UK who was arrested for having sex with an underpass. I've heard of 'throwing a hotdog down a hallway', but...


What did he do? Stand on the double yellow line right at the entrance to the underpass, drop his pants, and then thrust at the empty air?

Perhaps he should have been arrested for trying to do a mime performance in a dangerous location.

[Plot Device]

Back to the Jungle Jane doll, I think someone should buy the poor guy a doll of his own, so he doesn't have to break and enter (enter and break?) into that shop!


I've been speculating: maybe he is not just a sex freak but also has the additional problem of OCD a la germ freak. So he NEEDS a clean doll every single time.

Maybe he was too broke to buy anymore dolls on his own and now had to resort to stealing them.

I know, maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but I was just so baffled that he had done this multiple times.

[Jerry B. Flory]

He can argue that Jane made him do it. He was obviously provoked by her promiscuous nature and come-hither expression.
She also facilitated the relationship by providing the latex.
Clearly, Jane manipulated a vulnerable man whose emotional and mental disabilities were inferior to the wile and guile of a rubber doll.
Jane did it.

[alleycat]

Back to the Jungle Jane doll, I think someone should buy the poor guy a doll of his own, so he doesn't have to break and enter (enter and break?) into that shop!
Apparently, he's afraid of making a commitment . . .

He's never been able to keep a doll of his own for more than three weeks.