My query letter is too long

[Greenwolf103]

I'm trying to fix up my query letter because it's too long. After I followed the guidelines on the publisher's web site, structuring the query according to what they want, it came out to 2 1/2 pages, using 12-point Courier New font.

Sigh. :(

What are some pointers to make it shorter? Should I make the paragraphs they want just one or two lines? (They outline what they want to see in each paragraph.)

I am thinking of trying it out in the SYW forum for query letters but I'm wondering if anyone has ideas on how to make my query letter shorter without removing anything the editor wants to see.

[CACTUSWENDY]

IMHO....and that is not worth much...

You might try the 'who, what, when, where and to what extent'...approach without giving too much.

If you can cut out any fluff or extra words that are really not needed that may helpl. Have you posted this in the query hell threads? They are really great for finding the extra junk.

My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best in cutting this down.

[Greenwolf103]

Thanks so much. :) No, I haven't done that yet but I'll give it a shot soonish. Might yet still do some more tweaking.

[Lauri B]

Don't forget that a query letter isn't a proposal. You don't need to explain everything in your book, you don't need to provide an outline--all you need to do is give a summary of what your book is about and why the publisher or agent needs to take a look at the proposal. No query letter should be 2 1/2 pages--there's just too much information there. If you want to pm me with it, I'll take a look.

[MarkEsq]

I would definitely recommend putting in the Share Your Work forum. You will get some great advice and suggestions there, I'm sure.

[Greenwolf103]

Thank you. :) And, Lauri, you are very brave to take the time to look at my loong query. But I really appreciate it that you will take the time. I sent it.

Thank you! :)

[DerekJager]

Queries take a LOT of time--so consider setting it aside for a week and then take a fresh stab at it.

My query took some time but I know one thing: Your opening line must be a KILLER HOOK to stop the agent in his/her tracks.

Once I had my opening line, I found the rest of the query fell into line--and it worked: I had five agents interested in reading the proposal and then all five sent me offers of representation, so I know I did something right!

My query for my book about the most brutal cult of the 1970s, began:
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One reporter told me, “On the day you hear Reverend XX has died, remember to wear thick-soled shoes because hell will be stoked up extra hot.”
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Good luck!