question about internal conflict vs. external conflict

[electric violet]

Hello Friends-

I have been recently posting different versions of my query letter at the SYW section, an after a failed fifth attempt it is clear to me that I need to figure out a few things before trying again.

My biggest problem is that the story is coming off as uneventful and with pointless details, but I feel like this is because I can't, for the LIFE OF ME, figure out how to capture the sense that the MC's conflict is internal. I try to express the emotions that are happening as well as other things happening in the book that affect the MC, but in the end it's still coming off as a story with no REAL conflict.

The conflict is very very real, my ability to figure out how to present it that way is not. Is there a certain skeleton structure for a man vs. self (with just a tinge of man vs. society) storyline?The idea that my novel is just rotting because I can't figure out how to best query it is bothering me, a lot.

If anyone has any advice, I would be so grateful to hear it!

thanks, amy

[Michael J. Hoag]

Oh dear. Princess of Denmark.... (Be back in a minute.)

Oh wait, your MC is male right? Just prince then....

[Danthia]

Conflicts go hand in hand with stakes. If the stakes aren't high enough, the conflict doesn't matter. So I'd suggest looking at your stakes, and seeing how they are affected by the conflict.

If this is internal, then your protag is struggling with a choice that goes against something he believes in. That choice is going to matter to him, and the decision he makes regarding this problem is going to have consequences. Choice A, he wins X but loses Y. Choice B, he wins Y, but loses X.

Then there are the things he does to figure out how to make that choice. That will be what drives your plot. There will be consequences for those actions as well, which will build upon each other to the nearly impossible choice he'll have to make at the end. The plot will show how the choices he makes sends him on the road to that moment.

Naturally, this is all very generic, but that's a basic internal struggle structure.

Hope this helps!

[Birol]

Do you have a link to the threads in SYW?

[Michael J. Hoag]

Ok, if I remember, it was the particular conflict that I liked about the your opening chapter. I'm dramatic, so I call it "Man Vs. The banal Machine." Which is the sense of blah that a lot of us get when confronted with the blandness of modern life. Your MC's best friend died in the search for (if I'm right) something more than the ordinary experience of his society. So that's one plot related expression of your conflict. The internal conflict then is the desire to conform to the societally proscribed role vs the desire to find a more vivid way of living. The external conflict would be expressions of the societal pressure to conform....

There are lots of models, I guess, if what you're looking for is a way to describe or "sell" your book.

well, other than Mr. Hamlet, you could look into how Palahniuk is described and sold. Most "transgressional fiction" has this sort of conflict....

[Michael J. Hoag]

Maybe read a blurb about "slaughterhouse five." I know Vonnegut was trying to reflect this same kind of conflict: how war just makes everybody want to die. So people get suicidal or they just don't live. So he said nothing really happens in slaughterhouse five. People are just sort of helpless things being acted upon....

[electric violet]

here is the link for the query: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124924

and a sample from the first chapter: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123218

So far all of this has been very helpful..hopefully I'll be able to bust out some gloriousness soon enough.. BLAH!

[Michael J. Hoag]

Oh, and I was right the first time, "Violet...." I remember now. So "Princess" it is.

Last thought: Some books HAVE plot, but they're not ABOUT plot. The thing that is compelling to me about your book is this social commentary, and how it captures the experience of the (for lack of a better word) suicide girls generation. This is the same thing I dig about Buckowski, which I'm too lazy to bother to spell right. His writing doesn't have a strong plot. He just has these very ordinary experiences that he has a bizarre perspective on.

If your book falls into this category, it means it probably isn't "commercial" or contemporary fiction. It's probably "literary" and much harder to sell.

Maybe you should try asking your betas two questions:

first: what did you like about my book? See if they start telling you about plot or something else.

Second, if they didn't mention plot, ask: what violet do that you liked or what HAPPENED in the book that was interesting? That might tell you how to sell your book to your audience.

BUt I know ZIP about query letters. Good luck!

[electric violet]

You may know zip, but you obviously know way more than me lol! Your information was actually VERY useful, and maybe I can try to pitch it that way now... thank you everyone!

[Feathers]

I think I have an idea of what you mean...I am writing a query now for a novel that is very, very hard to "querify" because the main character is some kind of scientific experiment that lives inside of a glass box, has no contact with the outside world, until it discovers how to get inside other people's minds.

I had a hard enough time writing that. Trying to put it into a query is even harder, because most of this character's turning points are emotional ones, not plot ones. I kept asking, what is this about? because my query never really told anyone what it was about, where it mattered. And even my other main character was hard to explain - the story was about him trying to understand himself. How do you make that sound compelling in a query? I don't know. But finding my theme helped immensely, and I did that by drawing parallels to everything I could, singling out which parallels were most frequent, and strongest.

Ask what your story is about. What is it - suicide? Trying to find self, and struggling with what you learn? Is it about dealing with death, or dealing with a fear of life? If it's about more than one thing, jot down the core of each idea, and then write queries for each idea.

You may also want to ask what triggers your plot. Reading your query, you tried to explain your plot by talking about plot. When you explained why Violet wanted to leave town, you said it was because of hate crimes, and social pressure. It's how she feels about the hate crimes and social pressure that is important - how these events affect her. Naomi's death does what - makes Violet insecure? Makes her suspicious of a darker truth? Makes her question her own motives? What does Violet want from life, and how is LeVay blocking her?

I'm really still sorting through the query thing myself. If I find the answer, I'll let you know! :)

-Feathers