PDA

View Full Version : FREAKS vs. LADIES or BOTH ???


Tink
07-10-2008, 12:56 AM
Ok, I have tossed this question around in another thread and under some advice I have decided to pose this question here...

Why do some (please note I typed some and not all) men want freaks in the bedroom but want/expect a full transition into a Lady when outside of the bedroom? Or vica/versa, this could work either way with the genders.

This question is posted to anyone who wants to expound on the complexities of the way some folks think...

SpookyWriter
07-10-2008, 01:00 AM
Because every boy likes the circus?

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Film/Pix/pictures/2006/08/10/freaks3.jpg

Captshady
07-10-2008, 01:03 AM
I'm willing to compromise a bit in either direction LOL. Who in the world would want someone to have a potty mouth when at dinner with their parents? Two different worlds, two different personalities!

My folks are nudists which I personally believe has contributed to their vibrance while in their late 60s (69 and 67). Neither wanted to tell their parents and never did, should they have not ever gone to nudist resorts? Should they have told their parents (when they were still alive) and let their ignorance of what goes on in "those places" subject them to lectures, monopolized discussion subjects, or dis-ownings?

Tink
07-10-2008, 01:16 AM
I understand the concept of not embarressing others or yourself but what I am trying to ask is WHY is it so widely expected?

Seaclusion
07-10-2008, 01:20 AM
Let me ask you. Do you like to have fun in the bedroom? Do you want an interesting conversationalist at the dinner party? The answer for most of us is yes. We want it all. It's human nature in our western culture. I think the answers might be different for other cultures.

Richard

NeuroFizz
07-10-2008, 01:28 AM
Are you asking why do men want a woman who enjoys a relatively inquisitive sex life and who can also stand tall in more formal social situations? Are there women out there who don't want the same from their men?

I get the feeling you are equating an inquisitive sex life with being slutty or somehow bad, and interacting in polite society as a behavior that is outside of the normal possibility for such a person.

There is no reason why the most sophisticated person on earth shouldn't be able to enjoy mop-and-bucket sex.

Tink
07-10-2008, 01:29 AM
Let me ask you. Do you like to have fun in the bedroom? Do you want an interesting conversationalist at the dinner party? The answer for most of us is yes. We want it all. It's human nature in our western culture. I think the answers might be different for other cultures.

RichardYes to both of your questions! And that makes sense, we want it all! The whole cuppa tea, so-to-speak.

SpookyWriter
07-10-2008, 01:31 AM
Then go for the Dutch treat.

Melenka
07-10-2008, 01:33 AM
I think culture does have a lot to do with it. We are raised with gender expectations and, without getting into the nurture/nature discussion, those stick with us on some level. The madonna/whore dynamic is a pain in the ass to deal with, especially if your partner expects it to have some validity. Living up to either is simply not possible. Now, if you want to play dress up and try those roles on with no expectation of permanence, I can see the appeal, but a man who thinks that's how it's always going to be is a man on his way out of my life.

Tink
07-10-2008, 01:35 AM
Are you asking why do men want a woman who enjoys a relatively inquisitive sex life and who can also stand tall in more formal social situations? Are there women out there who don't want the same from their men?

I get the feeling you are equating an inquisitive sex life with being slutty or somehow bad, and interacting in polite society as a behavior that is outside of the normal possibility for such a person.

There is no reason why the most sophisticated person on earth shouldn't be able to enjoy mop-and-bucket sex in the privacy of his/her bedroom.
That makes sense to me...and I think you just opened my eyes up to something. Feeling shame afterwards...maybe because of how I was raised, I am not sure. I mean, I do enjoy what goes on in the privacy of my own home and I cut up alot about it but I do feel some shame and I even sometimes have a hard time looking my husb. in the eye later, after...or others for that matter. Does that make sense? Is there anyone else who feels that way?

Melenka
07-10-2008, 01:42 AM
On the other hand, there is appropriate behavior in formal and professional situations that is required if we are to keep from embarrassing ourselves in public. It is perfectly understandable for people to expect that their date or business partner, etc. is capable of functioning in those settings. And that would be true for both genders.

I think the idea of lady in public/slut in bedroom comes out of a time during which people were more sexually repressed - or at least not talking about it as openly as we are now able to do. Well, some of us. I would imagine the problem persists largely because some people aren't up front about their desires at the beginning of a relationship.

mscelina
07-10-2008, 01:47 AM
What difference does it make as long as you're happy in your relationship? None whatsoever. Just be yourself.

Tink
07-10-2008, 01:50 AM
I would imagine the problem persists largely because some people aren't up front about their desires at the beginning of a relationship.
Without going into detail I have that to deal with now with someone that I care deeply for but He was not honest with me for yrs. about his needs and wants until a few yrs. ago and I don't honestly know how to handle it I guess. But I think I may be straying from the subject or hell, maybe I am not...

mscelina
07-10-2008, 01:56 AM
Look, if you're a reasonable person with a wild side you behave one way in the bedroom and a totally different way in public. *shrug* It's the way of the world.

SpookyWriter
07-10-2008, 01:58 AM
Don't let marrying a Morman change your opinion. The mission in bed is to let brother Jospeh lead the congregation.

Melenka
07-10-2008, 02:21 AM
I should add a caveat: desires change, expectations change, behavior changes. God save me if I was locked into the things I told my husband I wanted 16 years ago....

Tink
07-10-2008, 02:23 AM
I should add a caveat: desires change, expectations change, behavior changes. God save me if I was locked into the things I told my husband I wanted 16 years ago....I am not sure that was what you intended to do or not....but You made me laugh, so thanx for that. :)

SpookyWriter
07-10-2008, 02:24 AM
I should add a caveat: desires change, expectations change, behavior changes. God save me if I was locked into the things I told my husband I wanted 16 years ago....A quicky?

Mr. Fix
07-10-2008, 02:27 AM
I like riding roller-coasters, but that's not how I want to get around the city.:e2bike2:

TerzaRima
07-10-2008, 02:44 AM
Tink, really that dichotomy is quite normal for women to desire too. Haven't you ever known a man who was a walking testosterone molecule in public and kind of uptight behind closed doors?

..um, well, I have, and it was instructive.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

kuwisdelu
07-10-2008, 03:05 AM
Are you asking why do men want a woman who enjoys a relatively inquisitive sex life and who can also stand tall in more formal social situations? Are there women out there who don't want the same from their men?

I get the feeling you are equating an inquisitive sex life with being slutty or somehow bad, and interacting in polite society as a behavior that is outside of the normal possibility for such a person.

There is no reason why the most sophisticated person on earth shouldn't be able to enjoy mop-and-bucket sex.

Quoted for truth.

What goes on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.

One can be re-enacting the most violent role-playing rape-fantasy scenario followed by hours of the kinkiest, more orgasmic S&M one night...and be a perfect, proper lady hosting a sociable dinner party the next.

Why not?

And that goes for both men and women. No reason a man can't be tying up his lady, calling her the dirtiest of names, breaking out the anal lube, and acting out his most animalistic desires one day...and be a gentleman sporting a dry-cleaned and pressed tuxedo, holding a door open for that very same lady the next day.

Now that I've thoroughly scarred everyone...

Your sex life is a completely different matter than who you are in public. Enjoying a healthy, consensual sex life, no matter how kinky or vanilla, wild or romantic, passionate or restrained, is important and healthy to everyone. What someone likes in the bedroom is just that--what they like in the bedroom. It doesn't have to say or affect anything about the rest of who they are. Being a gentlemen or lady in public while enjoying a wild sex life in private is no different from being an English teacher who teaches Shakespeare, Milton, and Chaucer in school, yet has a secret passion for genre mysteries when he sits down at home.

That makes sense to me...and I think you just opened my eyes up to something. Feeling shame afterwards...maybe because of how I was raised, I am not sure. I mean, I do enjoy what goes on in the privacy of my own home and I cut up alot about it but I do feel some shame and I even sometimes have a hard time looking my husb. in the eye later, after...or others for that matter. Does that make sense? Is there anyone else who feels that way?

I think it probably does have to do with your upbringing. Lots of people are taught as children that anything but plain, vanilla sex isn't proper for a lady, or perhaps even comes straight from the Devil himself...or other such silliness like that. There's no reason to feel any kind of shame after sex, at all. As long as it isn't hurting anyone (who doesn't consent to being hurt...), there's no such thing as "immoral" or "wrong" sex.

maestrowork
07-10-2008, 03:08 AM
I'm a total gentleman in the bedroom and a freak outside.

Do I get a cookie? Preferably wrapped in latex and dipped in KY, please.

Melenka
07-10-2008, 04:52 AM
I'm a total gentleman in the bedroom and a freak outside.

Do I get a cookie? Preferably wrapped in latex and dipped in KY, please.

I really, really don't want to know where you plan to put that cookie...

SPMiller
07-10-2008, 05:39 AM
I'm a little, uh, nonstandard in private... and in public. I'm fine with not fitting in. In fact, I see no intrinsic value in social mores. I don't make any effort to fit into "high" or "polite" or "formal" society unless it's absolutely obligatory. The only example I can think of is funerals.

And I expect similar, if not identical, behavior from any long-term partners. I guess that's why the ladies don't stick around with me for long ;)

Ken
07-10-2008, 06:00 AM
in all relationships compromises are required,
but they should never go so far that ones self-respect,
integrity, and principles are being pushed aside.
No relationship is worth that.

dgiharris
07-10-2008, 07:44 AM
THe important thing I think is that you and your partner match.

I had a great relationship with someone until it came time for the sex. She was way too conservative.

It didn't make her 'wrong' we just werent a good match. And on the flip side, I was with someone else and when it came time for sex, she scared the bejesus out of me with that whole 'choke me and hit me' thing. That was way too much for me and out of my comfort zone so likewise we weren't a good match and that was the end of that.

I think it also boils down to honesty with your partner, but ultimately with yourself. I think we have to be comfortable with the 'animal' parts of our nature. Some of us have big raging beasts just dying to get out once the moon is full and the doors are closed, while others can be the reverse and completely 'civil' and 'proper' in the bedroom.

As for shame, I think you have to ask yourself alot of 'why' questions for those feelings. We all have a degree of social conditioning to overcome and it is not trivial. But it is possible, especially if you allow yourself to 'like' what you are doing and give yourself permission to explore some. But we all have limits and sometimes things are just they way they are.


Mel...

escritora
07-10-2008, 07:57 AM
I like to talk about expectations before I bed someone. It decreases the amount of poor sexual experiences I encounter. If a guy is too inhibited or too aggressive, then I know we'll never get to the sex stage.

Williebee
07-10-2008, 08:13 AM
What anis said, and Melenka (especially that part about being locked into something. hmmm)

What DB and I wanted then, 25 years ago, isn't really what we want now. Or, it might be. But it took a decade of getting to know and trust each other on a deeply ingrained level before we could ever actually talk about it. From that point on, sex just keeps getting better.

(That's right Kuwi... us old people are still having sex. Now, go ahead, just try to sleep tonite.) :)

kuwisdelu
07-10-2008, 08:24 AM
(That's right Kuwi... us old people are still having sex. Now, go ahead, just try to sleep tonite.) :)

Oh, I've known that for a long time. Hasn't ruined a night yet ;)

willfulone
07-10-2008, 08:28 AM
I don't think it is about men and/or women wanting "freaks in the bedroom". I think most people just want a mutually satisfying pleasure experience with their partner when it comes to sex. And, hopefully, often. VERY often. :D

Use Her Name
07-10-2008, 11:40 AM
Ok, I have tossed this question around in another thread and under some advice I have decided to pose this question here...

Why do some (please note I typed some and not all) men want freaks in the bedroom but want/expect a full transition into a Lady when outside of the bedroom? Or vica/versa, this could work either way with the genders.

This question is posted to anyone who wants to expound on the complexities of the way some folks think...

I'm a lady who would like a freak in the bedroom, then it's back to mowing the lawn. I can understand why a man might want a freak as well. I think my freak is freakier than his freak. I think his freak would be somewhat less freaky, like say, snake charming, or hang gliding, or something "ordinary." My freaky would probably contain accordions, small terrestrial lemurs, or cracking nuts with certain body parts.

And by "lady" do you mean a woman who shaves her legs and does not spit on the pancakes before serving them, or a Royal Peer?

On a more sober note, I think keeping it fun, playing, letting go is all part of what goes on in the Bedroom. If you are not uninhibited in the "chamber of love," what use is there to doing it ?

She_wulf
07-12-2008, 09:32 PM
That makes sense to me...and I think you just opened my eyes up to something. Feeling shame afterwards...maybe because of how I was raised, I am not sure. I mean, I do enjoy what goes on in the privacy of my own home and I cut up alot about it but I do feel some shame and I even sometimes have a hard time looking my husb. in the eye later, after...or others for that matter. Does that make sense? Is there anyone else who feels that way?

in all relationships compromises are required,
but they should never go so far that ones self-respect,
integrity, and principles are being pushed aside.
No relationship is worth that.

I put these two together because I feel it is important. Whatever makes you uncomfortable beyond your tolerance is something your partner should respect. Open up the lines of communication outside the bedroom and say, "I'm having a problem with..." and list what makes you embarrassed, or on the flip side say, "it would really flip my switches if we tried ... you game?". Darling partner should be able to respect that. If not, you're not compatible.

Amy

JimmyB27
07-15-2008, 04:11 PM
I like riding roller-coasters, but that's not how I want to get around the city.:e2bike2:
I don't really have anything to add to this thread. I just wanted to say how awesome I think a rollercoaster would be as a mass transit system.

James81
07-15-2008, 06:43 PM
I don't really want a freak in the bedroom.

At least not for anything long term. (I'm assuming you mean by "freak" what I think it means)

Not that I want to be bored and I don't like a little "kink", but full blown FREAK? No, fuck that. It might be fun to experiment with, but dear god no not all the time. lol

Captshady
07-15-2008, 06:46 PM
I don't really want a freak in the bedroom.

At least not for anything long term. (I'm assuming you mean by "freak" what I think it means)

Not that I want to be bored and I don't like a little "kink", but full blown FREAK? No, fuck that. It might be fun to experiment with, but dear god no not all the time. lol

I can see that. I guess I want more of a dirty talking nymphomaniac in the bedroom than a someone that wants me to asphyxiate her or something.

Tink
07-15-2008, 07:13 PM
To J-81 and Capt.-- Yes, I agree with both of ya'll. Too much of any one thing can get tiresome...

Seaclusion
07-15-2008, 09:12 PM
To J-81 and Capt.-- Yes, I agree with both of ya'll. Too much of any one thing can get tiresome...

I agree. A little variety is a real kick in the... well you know what I mean. And the variety doesn't have to be extreme, sometimes just a change of venue is enough.

Richard

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 09:15 PM
Damn, you're all so vanilla ;)

Tink
07-15-2008, 09:21 PM
I agree. A little variety is a real kick in the... well you know what I mean. And the variety doesn't have to be extreme, sometimes just a change of venue is enough.

RichardZactly!!!!

James81
07-15-2008, 09:23 PM
Now, I knew a guy in high school that wanted to start a club called "F.A.B." which stood for: Freaks Against Breathing.

It's the only club I ever joined. I lasted 90 seconds.

Tink
07-15-2008, 09:23 PM
Damn, you're all so vanilla ;)Is that a bad thing? I like vanilla, and chocolate, and strawberry, and cherry, and mint, and red hot candies, and tropical punch, and mangos, and... :D lol !!!

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 09:34 PM
Is that a bad thing? I like vanilla, and chocolate, and strawberry, and cherry, and mint, and red hot candies, and tropical punch, and mangos, and... :D lol !!!I'm completely convinced that mints and Red Hots don't work according to the urban legend. I've experimented with Altoids, for example, and none of my test subjects could honestly tell.

Now ice, on the other hand, can reliably produce that sensation of coolness... as can a sip of cold soda, which is somewhat more convenient.

Tink
07-15-2008, 09:38 PM
I'm completely convinced that mints and Red Hots don't work according to the urban legend. I've experimented with Altoids, for example, and none of my test subjects could honestly tell.

Now ice, on the other hand, can reliably produce that sensation of coolness... as can a sip of cold soda, which is somewhat more convenient.
OR... a sip of an ice cold beer...;)

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 09:41 PM
OR... a sip of an ice cold beer...;)Although this is an excellent idea, I'm often trying to become less drunk during sex ;)

Tink
07-15-2008, 09:47 PM
Although this is an excellent idea, I'm often trying to become less drunk during sex ;)
:roll:


Not me!!! That is when all the fun is happening...only problem is- I have a hard time remembering all the fun...;)

Chameleon
07-15-2008, 10:01 PM
I'm often trying to become less drunk during sex ;)

I think that would depend on the "test subject". Sometimes the beer goggle is useful. ;)

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:08 PM
I think that would depend on the "test subject". Sometimes the beer goggle is useful. ;)This reminds me of a saying from one of my uncles: "If the women you're meeting don't live up to your standards, then by God, lower your standards!"

Although personally, I retain my standards even when inebriated. For example, she has to be a human female... ;)

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:09 PM
:roll:I think that would depend on the "test subject". Sometimes the beer goggle is useful. ;)
:roll::ROFL::roll:, uhumm, excuse me, that wasn't suppose to be funny, was it? Oh heck, it is though...:roll::ROFL:

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:10 PM
This reminds me of a saying from one of my uncles: "If the women you're meeting don't live up to your standards, then by God, lower your standards!"

Although personally, I retain my standards even when inebriated. For example, she has to be a human female... ;)Well SP, that is as good as any a place to start...:)

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:18 PM
Well SP, that is as good as any a place to start...:)Saying that it's a "start" implies there's more.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? :gone:

( ;) See, I'm getting good at this emoticon thing!)

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:24 PM
Saying that it's a "start" implies there's more.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? :gone:

( ;) See, I'm getting good at this emoticon thing!)You most certainly are getting good with the emoticons...now see if you understand what this one means...:tongue

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:25 PM
You most certainly are getting good with the emoticons...now see if you understand what this one means...:tongueOh, oh. I know. It's an offer...

(I haven't figured out how to stay in-bounds in AW threads.)

HeronW
07-15-2008, 10:26 PM
If you trust and respect your partner and vice versa then you grow with each other as time goes on and things just get better. You can wave your candlelight dinner guests out the door, grab your partner, drop on the dining room table (hope it holds up), and end up with the leftover baked Alaska in interesting places. :}

Seaclusion
07-15-2008, 10:28 PM
I think Jimmy Buffett got it wrong when he wrote Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw. It seems to me that you caqn get drunk, or you can screw, but it is difficult to do both. It should have been written Why Don't We Get Drunk Or Screw

Richard

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:28 PM
Oh, oh. I know. It's an offer...

(I haven't figured out how to stay in-bounds in AW threads.) :D...and that is all I should say 'bout that. :D and ;)
If you trust and respect your partner and vice versa then you grow with each other as time goes on and things just get better. You can wave your candlelight dinner guests out the door, grab your partner, drop on the dining room table (hope it holds up), and end up with the leftover baked Alaska in interesting places. :}:roll:

Seaclusion
07-15-2008, 10:29 PM
If you trust and respect your partner and vice versa then you grow with each other as time goes on and things just get better. You can wave your candlelight dinner guests out the door, grab your partner, drop on the dining room table (hope it holds up), and end up with the leftover baked Alaska in interesting places. :}


I don't think I want to have dinner at your place.

Richard

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:30 PM
I think Jimmy Buffett got it wrong when he wrote Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw. It seems to me that you caqn get drunk, or you can screw, but it is difficult to do both. It should have been written Why Don't We Get Drunk Or Screw

RichardWell I suppose that depends on who is doing the drinking and who is doing the screwing or both or maybe neither or...sh*t---forget it. I am confused now...or drunk!!!! :D

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:32 PM
I don't think I want to have dinner at your place.

Richard
I will have dinner with HeronW but only if she allows me to use some strong cleaning supplies on the table and she cannot serve leftover fish...:D

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:34 PM
:D...and that is all I should say 'bout that. :D and ;)Yeah. Thought so.

I don't think I want to have dinner at your place.

RichardAnd here I was wondering why she shooed her guests away...

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:36 PM
[quote=SPMiller;2554499]Yeah. Thought so.Nu-uh, I ain't feared of nuthin'...


...'cept maybe frowns in my reps. lol!

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:38 PM
Nu-uh, I ain't feared of nuthin'...


...'cept maybe frowns in my reps. lol!Remember which thread we're in. I ain't frownin' ;)

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:41 PM
Remember which thread we're in. I ain't frownin' ;)We are in the Take It Outside...thread...so...uhh...ok, I think I might oughta hush. ;)
And you weren't the one who frowned at me...

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:43 PM
Just checked over my rep history and I didn't find a single damn frown. Surely I've written plenty of posts that have caused frowns. I guess I just have to try harder.

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:48 PM
Just checked over my rep history and I didn't find a single damn frown. Surely I've written plenty of posts that have caused frowns. I guess I just have to try harder.
That is totally not fair, Me, me!!!---I get a frown and you never have...well I am gonna solve that now. SP, go look at your reps....:D

SPMiller
07-15-2008, 10:50 PM
Oh, that's a frown? :Huh:

I always thought a frown was an angry expression, not a sad one. Just think of all the literature where I misunderstood the characters' emotions!

Tink
07-15-2008, 10:54 PM
Oh, that's a frown? :Huh:

I always thought a frown was an angry expression, not a sad one. Just think of all the literature where I misunderstood the characters' emotions!
Confusing, isn't it? I had to take emoticons 101 before I understood it all...:D

HeronW
07-16-2008, 01:37 AM
http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/Cakes/BakedAlaska.jpg
TINK!
not a fish :}
Ideally in a restaurant it comes flaming to your table. Make sure the flames are out when you have the after dinner nookie or you won't be indulging for a llllllloooooooonnnnnnggggggggg time :}

Tink
07-16-2008, 01:44 AM
http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/Cakes/BakedAlaska.jpg
TINK!
not a fish :}
Ideally in a restaurant it comes flaming to your table. Make sure the flames are out when you have the after dinner nookie or you won't be indulging for a llllllloooooooonnnnnnggggggggg time :}:o...ooops, its this place...this forum, its robbing me of my brain cells...:D

Bartholomew
07-17-2008, 07:03 PM
Ok, I have tossed this question around in another thread and under some advice I have decided to pose this question here...

Why do some (please note I typed some and not all) men want freaks in the bedroom but want/expect a full transition into a Lady when outside of the bedroom? Or vica/versa, this could work either way with the genders.

This question is posted to anyone who wants to expound on the complexities of the way some folks think...

I didn't expect it; I just got it. Most pleasant surprise of the decade.

She's an absolute lady in polite company, down to the pleases and thank you's.

And in private, she does things that I thought only existed in the most far-fetched adult films.

<3

Tink
07-17-2008, 07:12 PM
You are a lucky man...:D

Perks
07-17-2008, 07:19 PM
Why do some (please note I typed some and not all) men want freaks in the bedroom but want/expect a full transition into a Lady when outside of the bedroom?

Because most people want all they can get in life. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that, as I see it.

It's all a matter of whether or not someone is willing to make someone else uncomfortable or worse to get what they want. That's the measure of an asshole.