By LJ Dovichi
I’d always dreamed of becoming a professional writer but I was too busy working to take the time. Sure, I had free time, but I spent it doing things with my husband, not because I had to but because I wanted to.
Then I gave birth to our son and the luxury (first time mom, what did I know?) of being a stay-at-home mom presented itself. I figured it was the perfect opportunity to start my writing career. Well, actually it was more like after my son turned one and started sleeping through the night it seemed like the perfect opportunity.
I started juggling writing and mommyhood and being a wife easily enough. My husband worked all day, my son napped twice a day for a total of three hours, and he went to bed without fuss at 7:00 pm every night. I had plenty of time to spend a couple hours in the evening with my husband and still research, write, and submit articles. I even had time to write and illustrate multiple children’s picture books, a bevy of short stories, and write a novel. No sweat, I could do this, piece of cake.
Our son turned two years old and, as if on cue, he dumped one of his naps. However, he still slept for a guaranteed two hours in the afternoon and went to bed effortlessly at seven. So I continued to have time to write and also spend time with the hubby. My output didn’t really suffer—I still sent in submissions, wrote and illustrated more picture books, and started a quest to find an agent for the ones I had completed.
About that time, I found AbsoluteWrite.com. Eureka, an entire website dedicated to writers! I promptly signed on and not only learned more about my chosen trade but met some very wonderful people. While on the forums, I ran across other women juggling their writing with their families and I couldn’t understand how some parent-writers complained about having no time for writing. Obviously, I thought naively, they just weren’t managing their time properly.
When our son turned three, he decided he was too big a boy to take any sort of nap at all (notice a trend?). Overnight, our once sweet and cuddly little sleeper turned into the energizer bunny and bedtime became a battle of wills. We considered ourselves fortunate if the kid was in bed by 9:00 p.m. At which point, I was exhausted from having run herd on three-feet-of-fun all day. Now I was lucky if I had the energy to watch television with my husband, let alone sit at my desk and hammer out a short story or write on my current WIP.
Like all those other writer-parents, I put my energy into my family first, and my output suffered severely. Actually, it came to a screeching halt. Suddenly I understood and could sympathize with the others’ complaints about not having any time. The future was bleak and I worried I might have to put my dreams on hold until three-feet-of-fun started kindergarten. But that felt too much like quitting, which I found unacceptable.
So, I had to figure out how to juggle the three important aspects of my life: my son, my husband, and my dream. I talked to other writers and got some great advice. I also took a hard look at my schedule for any writing opportunities I was missing. Through trial and error, with successes along the way, I found some strategies that really work. I’m happy to report that I’m now a bona fide juggler.
Instead of treating writing like a dream, whim, or hobby, we now treat it like a part-time job (which is really the priority it needs to have). We figured if I worked outside of the home, my husband and son would have to fend for themselves, so why not incorporate that idea at home.
Morning: My mornings begin at the god-awful hour of 5:00 a.m. and, like most kids, three-feet-of-fun just wants to curl up in a blanket on the couch and watch cartoons.
Before, I would sit next to him and zone out on educational children’s programming as I tried to wake up. Then I realized this was wasting writing time—I had a free hour while he watched his shows, I should be using it.
Now, when we get up, he chooses which educational cartoon he wants to watch and I get an hour of writing in first thing. (This works most mornings but sometimes he just wants to cuddle his mommy and I know this opportunity won’t last forever so I openly embrace it.)
Now that three-feet-of-fun doesn’t nap during the day, I had to get a little more creative to squeeze in another hour of daytime writing.
During the time when he usually would be sleeping, I set an egg-timer for one hour and put it where he can watch it. I make a big production of telling him mommy’s going to work and he needs to be a big boy and play with his toys. I promise him when the buzzer goes off that we’ll play any game he wants.
I usually get about 20 minutes of writing in before he can’t stand that mommy isn’t at his disposal. This is a relatively new implementation, so I figure 20 minutes is a good starting place. Besides it’s better than not getting any writing done at all.
Evening and Weekends Strategies:
After the hustle and bustle of dinner, family time, baths, and bedtime rituals, it’s 9:00 p.m. This doesn’t give me a whole lot of time to write and spend time with my husband after our son has gone to bed.
But I’m lucky in the fact that my husband is both very supportive and a video game addict. So, we decided that five nights a week I’d write and two nights a week we’d do something together—watch a movie, play a video game, something.
Now, I have two guilt-free hours of writing most nights before I collapse into bed by eleven.
On the weekends, my husband entertains our son for four hours each day to give me a solid block of writing time. Sometimes my boys will go out and sometimes they stay in, but during that chunk of time, mommy isn’t there.
These strategies don’t work every day. Things come up—illnesses, vacations, holidays—somehow life always manages to find a way to mess up the best of intentions. This is why I have two secret weapons in my arsenal. These two, without fail, have been instrumental in my success and I can’t recommend either of them enough.
1.) I joined Club 100. Basically, you promise to write 100 words a day for 100 days. If you miss a day, you start back the next day at Day 1 and go again. Each person can choose how they set up their goals. For me, in addition to writing 100 words, if I line edit 100 words a day, or send one submission out a day, that counts for my daily goal.
Within three weeks I had formed the habit of not going to bed unless I had done one of the three options. Now, no matter how tired I am, I absolutely know I’m capable of writing 100 words. Before I know it, I’ve written at least triple that.
2.) I found a great support group at the Absolute Write Water Cooler (at AbsoluteWrite.com) on the Weekend Progress Report 2008 thread in the Humor forum. They are a great bunch of writers who offer constant support and encouragement to anyone who joins the thread, whether or not they actually write humor.
I’ve found that reporting my progress weekly really holds me accountable for having some output to report. Not to mention the feeling of accomplishment seeing my weekly output typed out gives me, especially when I thought I hadn’t had such a productive week to at all.
If you want to call yourself a writer, you absolutely must find a way to write, make sacrifices, give up sleep, whatever. It isn’t easy—I know I’d rather veg out at 5:00 a.m. instead of kick-starting my brain into gear. But by getting even just 100 words down before I really start my day, I’ve hit my goal, and everything else is bonus.
If I can do it, you can do it, too. Make your writing dreams happen, in the little bits of time you can, because no one wants to put their dreams on hold.
Lisa Dovichi lives in Novato, CA with her husband, son, and two cats. She is a freelance author and a budding novelist. Please visit her blog The Random Ramblings of a Neurotic Housewife.